


One Foot in Sea and One on Shore

by SomehowIManage



Category: The Book of Mormon - Ambiguous Fandom, The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anxiety, Connor has the patience of a (Latter Day) Saint, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Humor, Internalized Homophobia, Kevin is kind of a dumbass but I love him, Love, M/M, Romantic Soulmates, Self-Acceptance, Slow Burn, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, choir
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-05-13 16:53:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 52,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19255291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomehowIManage/pseuds/SomehowIManage
Summary: College sophomore, Kevin Price never got his soulmate mark when he touched his girlfriend for the first time and has been living a lie because of it. But after he bumps into Connor McKinley, he suddenly has one. Insistent that he isn't gay, Kevin tries to figure out a logical explanation for all of this, all the while becoming closer and closer with Connor, who definitely wants to be more than friends. Will Kevin be able to accept himself or will he lose everything in the process?





	1. Back Up and Immediately Falling

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my very first Book of Mormon fanfiction and I'm really excited that after a year and a few days of on and off writing, I'm finally ready to share it!
> 
> The first chapter may be a bit slow, since it’s mostly just setting the scene/background and catching you up to speed, but I promise it picks up after that!
> 
> I really hope you enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it! :)
> 
> Also, fun fact: the title is taken from the choral work, "The Three Madrigals" by Emma Lou Diemer, which in turn is taken from Shakespeare's "Much Ado About Nothing."

*****Prologue*****

Everyone is born with a mole somewhere on their body. When you touch your soulmate for the first time, whether it be a brush of the arm, holding hands, or anything else, a small sprig of pain is felt and a second mole appears next to the original one, creating a heart. This soulmate mark is how people know they are with the right person.

Kevin Price was a relatively happy person. He had a good family, he was well-respected within the Mormon community, he excelled in his classes—always making the Dean’s List each semester, and he was currently dating the most beautiful girl on campus. Life certainly seemed perfect for this young man. Kevin was a sophomore Medical Studies major within the Physician’s Assistant program at Mother Mary University. His parents originally discouraged Kevin from even applying to the small Catholic college on the other side of the United States (Northeastern Pennsylvania, to be exact) but were appeased by the mission statement of the university and the overall friendly and kind atmosphere it had to offer. Mother Mary University had one of the best Physician’s Assistant programs in the United States, which was one of the biggest reasons for Kevin wanting to attend. After all, he was Kevin Scott Price, and he always needed to have the best that could be offered. But in all honesty, Kevin also secretly was happy with the distance, having felt somewhat smothered his entire life. He had always felt that there was just so much expected of him, and while he still maintained high goals for himself, it was refreshing to not have his parents breathing down his neck constantly.

In fact, his parents were originally against him going to college right away, wishing that he would enroll in the Missionary Training Center to be sent on a mission for two years, potentially to another country, to spread the Word and baptize people into the Church. Somehow, Kevin was able to convince them that by becoming a Physician’s Assistant, he would be able to help more people and it was better for him to get a head start on that. It had taken a lot of convincing, but they relented and allowed Kevin to skip the typical Missionary stage of a young Mormon boy’s life. Kevin was all the happier because of it.

Kevin arrived at Mother Mary in 2016 amongst his fellow wide-eyed freshmen. But Kevin wasn’t nervous at all. He was thrilled for the challenges that awaited him. The three days of Orientation flew by, and Kevin managed to make a few friends outside of the three boys he was living with in the residence halls. His roommate, Arnold, was a bit eccentric, but overall was a nice guy. Arnold certainly warmed up to Kevin quickly, declaring him as his best friend within their first hour of knowing each other. The other two guys who shared the room on the other side of the joint bathroom, Chris Thomas and David Michaels, were very nice as well, although one of the boys—Chris—had a strange obsession with PopTarts. On the second day of Orientation, Kevin met the girl who would soon become his girlfriend: Natalia Grant. She was an olive-skinned girl with long, curly black hair; brown eyes framed by long, thick eyelashes, and a perfect smile. The pair began talking due to a shared Biology class that they were eagerly anticipating. After a few study sessions together, Natalia admitted that she was falling for Kevin and that her second mole had appeared when they brushed hands once, forming a heart. Kevin was thrilled, but deep down, he had a rising anxiety that just would not bubble down. Kevin told her that his appeared as well and the pair began to spend more and more time together. The only problem was that Kevin did what no Mormon should ever do. He lied. Kevin’s mole had yet to appear. He did not understand how that could happen. Natalia was a beautiful girl and he was quite a handsome guy. It makes sense for them to be together. Besides, Natalia’s mole couldn’t appear if it was not meant to be. That’s not how it works. So to calm his nerves, he told himself that there was just a mistake on his part, and that his just was not showing for some reason. To keep up with his lie, each day he would draw the second mole on his arm to form a heart with a black permanent marker. Though try as he might, he still couldn’t get rid of the sunken feeling in his stomach.

*****Chapter 1: Back Up and Immediately Falling*****

Kevin and Natalia had been dating for almost a year and Kevin could honestly say that his feeling for Natalia had not changed one bit. Which would normally be a good thing, but unfortunately for Kevin, it was not. Try as he might, Kevin just couldn’t feel a spark between the two, which confused him immensely. His parents loved her, despite that fact that she was not a nice Mormon girl like they had hoped for, but a nice Catholic girl. When they had met her for the first time, Mr. Price encouraged the relationship, telling his son that she was a very sweet girl and could see the two marrying and having a large Mormon family. But Kevin brushed those words aside; mostly because he really wasn’t sure that he wanted to have a family with Natalia, if he was being honest with himself. It wasn’t that they didn’t get along, or that she wasn’t beautiful. Natalia was easily the prettiest girl in the sophomore class, if not the entire student population, and the two had many shared interests and were always seen smiling and laughing around each other. Arnold would go on for hours if he could about his girlfriend, Naba, who was a delightful African girl who Arnold had met in his English class during their freshman year. The look in Arnold’s eyes and the dopey grin that encompassed his face when he talked about her or just so much as saw her was a foreign concept to Kevin, and he just couldn’t figure out why.

Natalia was the much more affectionate of the two, constantly grabbing Kevin’s hand, giving him quick kisses when they crossed paths, and initiating cuddling while they watched movies. It wasn’t that Kevin was annoyed with the PDA, but he never felt the urge to initiate it himself. Quite frankly, he never really found himself to enjoy kissing, especially making out. Why would he want another person’s warm and wet tongue inside his mouth? Kevin could not see the appeal at all, but Natalia seemed to enjoy it, so he sucked it up and pretended to be into it. After they first kissed, and he failed to feel the spark that apparently everyone feels at a first kiss, Kevin just brushed it off as nerves and was certain he’d feel butterflies at their second kiss. But then that came and after a month of kissing her with no spark, Kevin had given up on the hope of the well-known feeling that supposedly would come. He told himself that it was just an old wives’ tale, but it was difficult to convince himself of that when Natalia was so clearly feeling it and Arnold recounted his experiences with Naba. With the lack of both a spark and soulmate mark weighing heavily on Kevin’s mind, he concluded that there was just something wrong with him. Though, that did not give the ever-perfect Kevin Price any peace of mind either.

Due to Kevin’s strict Mormon upbringing and beliefs, as well as Natalia’s Catholic ones, the couple took their relationship slowly, something Kevin was more grateful for than he’d like to admit. Although, sometimes after a particularly heated makeout session, Natalia’s hands would explore a little too south of the border than Kevin was comfortable. Luckily, she did not get upset when Kevin tensed or verbally stopped them before any further fooling around could occur, accrediting it to Kevin being a gentleman or to his religious beliefs. While Kevin liked to believe those had a part in him saying no, he knew that an even larger part of himself did it because it simply did not feel right.

They kept up a long-distance relationship over the summer between their freshman and sophomore years of college, with Kevin back in Perry, Utah and Natalia in Pennsylvania, not too far from their university. If you asked Natalia, she would say that it was the hardest and most unfortunate three months of their relationship, only being able to see Kevin once during the summer. However, if you asked Kevin, he happened to think it was the best three months of their entire relationship. Since they were mostly only able to call each other and text, Kevin had a relief from the guilt eating away at his stomach due to his lack of emotion for Natalia. But all too soon (for Kevin, at least), they were back at school for the fall semester of their sophomore year.

At Arnold’s insistence, he and Kevin celebrated their first night back as roommates with a movie night. One Star Wars movie turned into three more movies until they both fell asleep during one of Kevin’s Disney movies around 4am. In hindsight, this was a very bad idea, considering Kevin had his first class—Intro to Fiction—at 8am. Having hit snooze on all of his alarms, Kevin woke up with a start, realizing that he was running late for his first class. Kevin hastily put his clothes on and half-heartedly made an attempt at fixing his hair before dashing out of the dorms and running to Helton Hall, where his class was located. In his rush to get to class, he collided with another student when he was turning the corner. Both fell to the ground and Kevin looked up, ready to apologize when his breath caught in his throat as he felt a sharp pain on his arm, probably a result of the fall. In front of him, laid a boy who looked to be around Kevin’s age with auburn hair, freckles dotting his cheeks and nose, and the brightest blue eyes that Kevin had ever seen. The boy looked equally shocked. Kevin scrambled to his feet and help the boy up.

“I’m so sorry. I woke up late and I had to rush to get to class,” said Kevin, sheepishly. The boy’s eyes twinkled with something Kevin couldn’t identify.

“That’s alright. I was in kind of a hurry as well and wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.” Kevin felt very strange, like his insides were twisting themselves around.

“Well, I’ll leave you to it then. Sorry again.” Kevin awkwardly waved goodbye and hurried on to class before the boy could get another word in. He made it just in time, just seconds before attendance was taken. He was glad it was just a day devoted to going over the syllabus because he could not concentrate for the life of him. His mind just kept flashing back to a certain pair of blue eyes and the way his stomach felt when they locked with his, which reappeared with each additional thought. He had never felt this way before and Kevin was mildly concerned that he was coming down with something. He made a metal note to himself to take a Pepto-Bismol when he got back to his dorm room.

The rest of Kevin’s classes for the day were similar, as were his distracting thoughts in each of them. Despite it being the first day back, much to Arnold and Natalia’s disdain, Kevin threw himself into his schoolwork, doing numerous readings to prepare for the next day’s classes. He skipped dinner with his friends and ate in his dorm room in favor of these plans, with promises to make it up to them. But still, his thoughts remained haunted by blue eyes.


	2. A Terroristic Cleaning Device?

The following day was no less hectic, although Kevin woke up on time that day. However, as he walked into his Western Civilization class, he was shocked to see the boy he knocked over the day before, sitting in the front row. There was an open seat next to him that Kevin hastily took…because it was the last front row seat, and Kevin liked to be attentive in class. It was purely coincidence that **that** boy was sitting in the seat next to it. The boy in question raised an eyebrow as Kevin sat next to him.

“Huh, funny how we keep running into each other…both figuratively and literally,” the boy said with a small smile. Kevin chuckled at this.

“Yeah, well, it isn’t a huge campus. I was bound to find you again some time,” Kevin responded cheekily before he could catch himself.

“I’m Connor.” The boy stuck out his hand, which Kevin took to shake.

“Kevin Price.” Before the boy—Connor—could respond, the professor walked to the front of the classroom and began his introduction to the class. Then Dr. Thompson, a balding middle-aged man in a plaid button-down shirt and grey tie, decided that in order to learn more about them, the whole class had to go around the room and state their name, grade, major, and a fun fact about themselves. Kevin usually despised those ice breakers, feeling as though he was treated like a child through them, but he was actually excited about the prospect of learning more about his new acquaintance. As luck would have it, Dr. Thompson decided to start on Kevin and Connor’s side of the room, meaning that Kevin had to go first.

“Hello. My name is Kevin Price and I am a sophomore medical studies major within the Physician’s Assistant Program. And I suppose a fun fact about me is that I really enjoy singing, especially with my, uh, church back home,” Kevin said. His professor nodded in approval and moved onto the next person.

“Hey, my name’s Alyssa Garrett and I’m a sophomore TV/Film major and I work at Lush.” The professor looked at her curiously.

“Wait, is that some sort of store for drunk people?” he asked seriously. She looked confused.

“No…we sell bathbombs.” Dr. Thompson really faltered that that one.

“Bathbombs? …Is that some sort of…terroristic cleaning device…that blows up?” he asked, unable to hide his confusion. The entire class erupted into laughter. Alyssa then went on to explain what bathbombs were and the professor continued his ice breaker. Kevin mostly zoned out until he heard Connor next to him.

“Hi! My name is Connor McKinley. I’m a sophomore musical theatre major and my fun fact is that I’m originally from Woods Cross, Utah; just a few minutes away from Salt Lake City,” Connor stated with a smile. If Kevin wasn’t already paying stellar attention to his companion’s spiel, his ears really perked up when he found out that Connor was also a native of Utah. Even better, he lived less than an hour away from Kevin. Kevin chastised himself for the excitement in his stomach at that thought. Why would he care? He barely knew the guy. The game continued until each student was hit.

Soon (but not soon enough, if you asked Kevin), the ice breaker was over, and Dr. Thompson started going over the syllabus. Kevin took out his laptop to go over said syllabus, since he had not printed it out, but was immediately called out for it.

“Mr. Price, this leads me to skip ahead to my biggest policy. No technology whatsoever. No phones, iPods, or laptops of any kind.” Kevin sputtered, not used to being called out for anything by an authority figure, since he was known as a golden child back home who could do no wrong.

“But sir, I’m just looking at my syllabus. And I type my notes! How can I take them without a laptop?” Dr. Thompson narrowed his eyes at Kevin, making him shrink in his seat under the professor’s glare.

“Well, Mr. Price, I suppose you will have to resort to the historic practice of actually writing notes down with pen and paper. You kids nowadays seem to forget that people have functioned perfectly well without technology in the past. There is no reason for you to depend so heavily on it now. Since it is the first day, I will let you off the hook, but rest assured, if I catch you with any technology out in my classroom after your first warning, points will be deducted from your participation grades. Do I make myself clear?” Kevin shrunk even further into his seat, casting his eyes downward.

“Yes, sir,” he replied softly. Satisfied with his reprimanding, Dr. Thompson returned to his syllabus and even started an introduction to his lecture, much to the disdain of everyone in the room. Kevin sat at his desk lost in thought, wondering if he should risk using his laptop for notes or not. He didn’t want to miss any information, but he was still very shaken by the professor’s lecture on technology. However, Kevin did not have to worry for very long, because Connor graciously slid a piece of loose-leaf onto his desk. Kevin gave him a gracious smile and looked down onto the paper, ready to begin his notes. He was shocked to see that there was already some writing at the top of the paper.

**_Sorry you got called out. I wouldn’t worry too much about it though. Just remember your “historic methods” of notetaking in the future and you’ll be alright. ;)_ **

Kevin had to stifle a laugh, despite his previously bitter mood. Kevin’s mood improved over the rest of the class thanks to the kindness of a certain redhead. When the class was dismissed, Kevin stopped Connor before he left.

“I just wanted to say thanks for saving my ass with the notes. That was really kind of you,” Kevin expressed nervously, snaking his hand behind his neck. Connor smiled.

“Hey, it’s no problem. I’m sure you would have done the same for me. Besides, you looked horrified the first time he called you out. I didn’t want you to feel any worse than you probably already did.” Kevin laughed lightly because Connor was absolutely right. He paused for a moment and pondered his next move.

“Hey, uh… are you doing anything now?” For some reason, Kevin found himself drawn to Connor. He didn’t want their interaction to end there. Connor smiled wistfully.

“I actually have to head to my Tap lesson. But I’m free after that until 2, if you’d want to hang out,” Connor offered. Kevin smiled, thrilled with the opportunity.

“Yeah, definitely! Do you wanna meet up in the cafeteria for lunch around 1? My Mol Cell lab should be over by then.” Connor agreed and the two parted ways for the next few hours.

In his rush that morning, Kevin had forgotten to add the fake mole to his arm. Cursing under his breath, knowing that he’d be seeing Natalia shortly, Kevin dug through his bag for something that could create a plausible mark on his skin. Strangely enough, when Kevin went to add a pen mark to his arm, there already was a mark on his skin, creating a heart shape. He did a doubletake when he saw it, but brushed it off as just a strong marker from the previous day and distracted himself with schoolwork until it was time to go to lab. Usually, Kevin would be enthralled with the subject, but he just wanted class to be over so he could see his new friend. Natalia, who shared the class with Kevin and took it upon herself to be his lab partner.

 _Why wouldn’t she? We’re dating,_ Kevin reminded himself.

Finally, the clock hit 12:50 and Kevin dashed to the cafeteria clearly excited for the lunch he was going to share with Connor. In the back of his mind, he was thankful that Natalia still had classes and would be unable to join the pair. He got to the cafeteria, found a two-person table, and awaited Connor McKinley’s arrival, probably a bit too anxiously.

When he saw Connor walk through the double doors of the building, Kevin waved him down with a smile that Connor returned. Once they claimed their seats by placing their backpacks on the chairs, they walked into the cafeteria food area in search of something to eat. Kevin ended up buying two slices of pizza—one Margarita, the other Hawaiian—and Connor got a Balsamic Chicken Wrap with fries. After they paid for their food, they sat back down at the table and both boys ate while trying to think of conversation topics. While it was a bit awkward in the beginning, once they got started, they found that they couldn’t stop talking to each other. Their conversation flowed easily and they found themselves talking about anything and everything. They found common ground in their love of music, their Utah origins, and surprisingly (but maybe not so considering the state they were both from), their Mormon beliefs. They talked about their childhoods and their family life. Connor was amused by Kevin’s Hell Dream due to the maple donut incident as well as the stories Kevin had about his siblings, and Kevin enjoyed the sweet stories Connor told about his little sister Shannon. There wasn’t a single lull in conversation once they got started, aside from the occasional bite of food. All too soon, Connor glanced down at his watch and frowned.

“Oh shit, is it really 1:55 already? I’m going to be late to class. Sorry about that Kevin,” Connor said apologetically. He actually looked disappointed that the conversation would end, Kevin noticed. He felt his chest tighten a little at that.

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Kevin said nonchalantly. He swallowed a bit before asking, “Do you maybe wanna do this again sometime?” Connor smiled.

“I’d really like that. I’ll see you around!” And with that, Connor left the table to dump his tray and head off to class. Kevin sighed a little with a small smile on his face. He really enjoyed his lunch with Connor and didn’t want it to end, although he didn’t want Connor to skip because of him either. He dumped his tray as well and started the trek to his dorm, having already finished his classes for the day. When he got to his door, he discovered that Arnold was already back too.

“Hey bestie! How was your day?” Arnold asked with a grin on his face. Kevin smiled back. He originally was a bit hesitant when Arnold was affectionate and enthusiastic from the minute they met, but that’s just how Arnold is. He’s a genuinely kind person and Kevin grew to realize that he was his best friend, just like Arnold had insisted when they met.

“Well, to be honest. It started out pretty shitty because this dickwad of a professor called me out in front of the entire class for using a laptop,” Kevin scoffed. “I mean, come on. We’re in college. I think he should be able to trust his students to use a freaking laptop and not get distracted.” Arnold frowned.

“I’m sorry to hear that, Kev. I guess you didn’t take that very well did you?” Kevin looked down. He wasn’t about to admit it, but there was no fooling Arnold that it affected him. He knew how obsessed with appeasing authority Kevin was.

“Yeah, well… it’s fine. I, uh, actually might have made a friend in that class… He let me borrow some paper so Dr. Thompson wouldn’t flip out on me,” Kevin said nervously.

“Well that was nice of him! What’s his name? Maybe I know him?” Kevin doubted it, he knew pretty much everyone Arnold did. Arnold tended to feel as though he had to introduce his best friend to every person he encountered.

“Uh. Connor. Connor McKinley. He’s a theatre major in our class.” Arnold thought for a second, but then shook his head, confirming that he did not know him. “We, uh… we actually got lunch after my lab,” Kevin muttered. Arnold brightened. He was happy to hear that Kevin was branching out from their usual group of him, Naba, Natalia, Chris, and David. It wasn’t that Kevin was unpopular. He was actually liked by a lot of people and had plenty of acquaintances. He just didn’t tend to get close with many people, even though Arnold would try to introduce him to other people.  

“Buddy, that’s awesome!” Arnold yelled a little too loudly. Kevin rolled his eyes. It wasn’t like he was a recluse.

“Yeah, well, it turns out we have a lot in common. We’re even both from Utah and he’s a Mormon too.” Arnold really perked up at that.

“Really? That’s super cool! What’s he like otherwise?” Kevin smiled thoughtfully,

“Well, he’s really nice and he has this great sense of humor. He has a little sister that he clearly thinks the world of named Shannon. I mean, is it any more obvious that he comes from an Irish family? He has almost porcelain skin and auburn hair that looks like even softer than mine. And he has like the brightest blue eyes I’ve ever seen in my life, like they actually sparkle. He’s clearly intelligent and he’s so passionate about what he does,” Kevin rambled on. Arnold suppressed a chuckle and smiled at his best friend’s happiness. He didn’t know why Kevin was so enthralled with this new friend, but he was glad that Kevin was so happy. In fact…he was so happy that it was almost strange… Not that Kevin was an unhappy or miserable person. But Arnold never saw him ramble on about anyone before. Not even Natalia. Come to think of it, Kevin rarely talked about her like that. He didn’t avoid the topic of his girlfriend, but he never boasted about her without Arnold bringing her up. It was a bit strange, but Kevin already got his soulmate mark. He and Natalia were meant to be! The mark was never wrong. It was a sign from God, after all. Sort of a thumbs up from the Big Man, Himself. Arnold dropped his questioning thoughts, at least for the time being, and just reveled in the fact that Kevin seemed so happy.

“I’m happy for you, bestie! Just so long as this Connor guy doesn’t replace me as your best friend,” Arnold chided, teasingly. Kevin laughed.

“Don’t worry, Arn. No one could replace you.” Even though Arnold was kidding, the reassurance was always welcome. It’s nice to be reminded that Kevin cared about their friendship just as much as Arnold did. Kevin smiled as he thought about his lunch. Then his faced dropped as something dawned on him. “Shit. I never got his number.” Now Arnold was **really** confused. Kevin just said that he shared a class with Connor. It’s not like he’s never going to see him again.

“Umm, buddy? You said that he’s in one of your classes, right? You’ll be able to see him again then. Plus it’s 2017. I’m sure he has a Facebook or some sort of social media. If you really want to get in touch with him, you can reach him through that. And if not, there’s always class,” Arnold reminded gently, still a bit puzzled by Kevin’s distress. Kevin blushed.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. I don’t know why I’m freaking out about this. Thanks, pal.” For the rest of the afternoon until it was time to grab dinner with his friends, Kevin looked over his schoolwork and made a list of everything he had to do within the next few days- one of which was buying a notebook for that damn Western Civilization class. But he’d worry about doing that tomorrow when he had a break.

Satisfied with his work for the day and having about twenty minutes until it was time to meet everyone for dinner, Kevin logged onto Facebook. After scrolling past a few political posts by his uncle that Kevin rolled his eyes at, and liking a few friends’ statuses, Kevin paused and thought for a moment.

_Does Connor McKinley have a Facebook, and if he does, will I seem too creepy if I friend request him right away?_

Kevin decided to tackle the second question if or when he got to it. He typed the boy’s name into the search bar. Lo and behold, Connor did have a Facebook. Kevin clicked on his profile and checked it out. Connor’s profile picture must have been taken during some performance he was in. It was taken in the middle of a dance number, centered on Connor, wearing what seemed to be a sparkly pink waistcoat, with his arms extended out and the brightest smile on his face. Unfortunately, Connor had his profile set to private, so Kevin couldn’t see much that he didn’t already know without friending him. He paused for a minute thinking it over but decided to say screw it and hit the _add friend_ button. It wasn’t like they never spoke before. Besides, plenty of people that Kevin knew less about sent him a friend request in the past.

Soon after, Kevin and Arnold left their room to meet up with Natalia, Naba, Chris, and David for dinner. When they got to their usual table, Natalia jumped up from her seat and greeted Kevin with a kiss on the cheek, which he smiled at. Arnold, who was watching the couple notice a lack of spark in Kevin’s eyes, but decided not to say anything. Instead, he greeted his own girlfriend with a kiss of their own. Arnold sighed happily as he took Naba’s hand. He didn’t know what he did to be so lucky as to be with her, but he sure as hell was grateful for it. Of course, Naba always insisted that she was just as lucky, but he secretly thought he was luckier. Arnold was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn’t even notice the stranger who joined their table until Kevin greeted him.

“Hi, I don’t think we’ve met. My name is Kevin Price,” Kevin said with a smile, extending his hand to the stranger. He was a tall boy with dark brown hair, green eyes, and wire rimmed rectangular glasses. Chris jumped in after the pair shook hands.

“This is James Church. We both worked for Mother Mary Facilities over the summer and got to be pretty good friends. I asked him if he wanted to join us for dinner tonight—I hope that’s okay,” explained Chis, shyly.

“The more, the merrier!” said Arnold excitedly. “My name’s Arnold Cunningham and this is my hot girlfriend Nutella Hatimbi-“

“Nabulungi,” Naba interjected, gently.

“Yeah, Nabatata!” Arnold “corrected.” Naba sighed, but did not lose the smile on her face, used to Arnold’s unbelievable mispronunciations. “But we usually call her Naba for short. What year are you and what’s your major?” Arnold asked.

“I’m a junior Marketing major. It’s really nice to meet all of you!” James said with a smile. The group briefly parted ways to get their dinner and headed back to the table once everything was paid for. Kevin noticed that Chris and James mostly kept to each other over dinner, but that could have been because James didn’t really know anyone else. He seemed a bit quiet, so maybe it just took him time to warm up to everyone else. Kevin thought about inviting Connor to dinner, but ultimately decided it might have been a bit too soon for that yet. After all, Chris and James became friends over the summer and got to know each other for three months. Kevin and Connor only had an actual conversation that day.

Throughout the dinner, Natalia rested her hand on Kevin’s thigh. Just another example of the affection that she would constantly show him that Kevin just couldn’t find in himself to initiate. When dinner was over, Natalia asked Kevin if he wanted to hang out in her dorm for a bit, but Kevin declined, saying he didn’t feel too well and was going to head to bed. Not a complete lie, but not really the truth either. She told him that she hoped he’d feel better and that she’d see him tomorrow. With one last parting kiss, she walked back to her dorm with Naba as the boys (except for James, who was a commuter) walked back to theirs.

Once they got back to their room, Arnold sat on his bed and picked up his well-loved Star Wars book. Kevin sat at his desk and opened his laptop. Even though he felt desperate for doing so, he logged back onto Facebook and was disappointed to see that he had no new notifications. He brushed off his dejected feelings and grabbed his towels, telling Arnold he was going to get a shower. After popping into Chris and David’s room to tell them the same thing, he locked both doors to the joint bathroom and turned on the water. As he felt the warm water cascade onto his tan skin, Kevin began to sing to himself as he washed. However, he stopped as he realized that his “mole” didn’t come off. He furrowed his eyebrows and scrubbed at his skin. Nothing. His heart began to race.

_Did I finally get my soulmate mark? When did this happen? And why did it happen a year after I met Natalia?_

Feeling sickened by his troubled thoughts, Kevin finished washing his hair and got out of the shower. He dried his hair a bit with a towel before drying his body and wrapping it around his waist. He unlocked the doors and walked into his room with his stomach in knots. He quickly put his boxer-briefs and pajamas on, having ditched the Mormon undergarments sometime last year, and sat on his bed. Finally, he looked up at Arnold, who was reading on his bed, completely oblivious to Kevin’s inner turmoil.

“Hey, Arn? Can I ask you a question?” said Kevin, uncertainly. Arnold looked up from his book with a smile on his face.

“Sure buddy! What’s up?” Kevin thought for a moment, trying to figure out how he wanted to approach the topic.

“Umm do you remember when your soulmate mark appeared?” At Arnold’s nod, Kevin continued. “Uh…when did it happen exactly and how did you realize?” Arnold laughed.

“Come on, bestie! You know it happened the day I met Naba! I gave her a high five after our English class when she said that she was more of a _Star Wars_ person than a _Star Trek_ person because while I like both, I’m personally more of a _Star Wars_ guy, though I would have been willing to like _Star Trek_ more if she thought it was better. Anyways, I felt a sharp pain in my side, like someone stuck me with a pin or something. When I got back to our dorm, I found that my mole was completed into a heart and I knew for sure that was the pain I felt. Thank God for the soulmate mark, right? I don’t know how long I would have put off asking Naba out if I didn’t have that encouraging me. Once I knew that she had hers too, it made everything so much easier! I knew for sure then that she was my soulmate. Why do you ask? You already know a lot of this from your own mark with Natalia,” Arnold asked. Once he was done gushing over Naba, he realized that Kevin’s question didn’t make much sense. Kevin looked away, guilty. Now Arnold was **really** confused. “Kev…what’s going on?”

“I, umm… I never got my mark when I met Natalia …” Kevin mumbled, clearly ashamed. Arnold was stunned.

“WHAT?!” Arnold screamed. Kevin shushed him.

“Please be quiet! I don’t want anyone to overhear us!” Kevin pleaded in a hushed tone. Arnold nodded his head, but his eyes were still wide at Kevin’s confession. Kevin sighed.

“But you have a mark. You’ve had a mark! I don’t understand what’s going on!” Arnold yelled in a whisper, clearly distressed by the revelation.

“I’ve been drawing it on my arm with markers and pens ever since Natalia told me hers appeared. I always thought that there was just something wrong with me. We make sense together and she couldn’t have her mark without me having mine, so I just assumed it was a mistake. But now the mark isn’t coming off and I realized that now I actually do have a mark there,” Kevin said with concern lacing his eyes. Arnold was thoroughly confused.

“Well, if you have it now, then everything’s okay again, right?”

“But why did it take so long for it to appear? You said it yourself, it appears as soon as you touch the person.” Kevin was becoming more and more frustrated.

“What if you’re not supposed to be with Natalia? Did you meet any other girls recently?” asked Arnold delicately. Kevin scoffed.

“Of course we’re meant to be together, Arnold. Don’t be ridiculous. And no, I haven’t met any new girls recently.” Kevin rolled his eyes. Just because he felt no spark whatsoever when he was with Natalia, that didn’t mean they weren’t supposed to be together, right? Maybe Kevin just wasn’t the romantic type. Maybe he just didn’t crave sex like all of the other horny teenagers around him because he was raised with good morals and was just better at being a gentleman. That would change once they got married and had to have children. Right? Besides, the only new person he had really interacted with was Connor. And Connor obviously wasn’t his soulmate. Kevin was a good Mormon boy. He was certainly not gay.

“I’m just saying, buddy…” Arnold teetered off from his sentence, realizing what he would have to say would only get Kevin angrier. He would save that for another day when Kevin wasn’t already so emotionally charged. Arnold sighed. “Maybe it was just some sort of delayed reaction?”

“Maybe…” Kevin didn’t know what to think. He’d felt like his entire world had flipped and now he wasn’t so sure about anything. He was able to accept…mostly… that he was lacking the mark and that it was just a freak accident that it had never appeared. He was okay with covering his flaw every day to keep up with the lie. What he couldn’t accept though was the fact that the mark had appeared within the last 48 hours or so, a year after he had met his girlfriend. He knew that they were meant to be together. She had gotten her mark. They made sense together, despite Kevin’s lack of passion. Besides, he wasn’t lying to Arnold when he said that he hadn’t met any new girls within the past two days. Not officially anyway. There were girls in his classes that he’d never seen before, but he didn’t actually **meet** them, and he certainly didn’t touch them either.

Not long after their conversation, the two boys went to bed. Kevin couldn’t fall asleep, despite being exhausted. He decided to waste time on his phone until he could fall asleep. After watching a few YouTube videos with his earbuds in (Kevin wasn’t a dick— he knew Arnold was trying to sleep), Kevin decided to check Facebook one more time for the night. To his delight, he saw that Connor had accepted his friend request. Deciding to snoop through his profile tomorrow, Kevin put down his phone and tried to sleep again. This time, he was successful, drifting off with a small smile on his face.


	3. Snooping and Singing

Kevin woke up the next morning to his phone’s alarm. Groaning a little, not ready to wake up, he shut off his alarm and rolled onto his back, willing himself to get up for the day. Arnold sprang out of bed, humming to himself cheerfully. Kevin would never understand how it was humanly possible to be so happy and energized in the morning— especially without coffee. After a minute or two passed of Kevin reflecting on his hatred of mornings, he finally got out of bed and immediately started to brew a cup of coffee. As he waited, he brushed his teeth and washed his face, before dressing for the day to come. Arnold didn’t bother talking to Kevin just yet, knowing how grouchy his best friend was when he first woke up. Instead, Arnold got himself ready for his day as well, and once he was happy with his appearance, he grabbed his bookbag and left the dorm to meet up with Naba for breakfast, yelling a quick goodbye to Kevin on his way out. Kevin slowly started to feel a little more alive after his cup of coffee. He then moved on to style his hair meticulously. Once he was satisfied, he used the rest of his time to study for his classes of the day… or rather he tried to, until he finally broke down and Facebook stalked Connor McKinley.

Through his snooping, Kevin discovered a few pictures of Connor and his little sister. You could definitely tell that they were brother and sister, although Shannon’s hair had more brown than red to it, as opposed to Connor’s auburn hair. Freckles covered her nose and cheeks as well and the pair looked incredibly happy together. Seeing their relationship really warmed Kevin’s heart.

_I bet he’d be an amazing dad,_ Kevin found himself thinking.

Other than photos, Kevin really didn’t find much out about Connor. Although, he supposed he really didn’t have much on his own profile that Connor didn’t already know either. Checking the time, Kevin realized he had about ten minutes until his Intro to Fiction class would start. He shut down his laptop and headed out of his dorm, determined not to collide with anyone a second time.

\--o0o--

Kevin had missed singing while he was away at college. His life last year had just seemed so empty without it, so he decided that he would join the Schola Cantorum and Chorale at Mother Mary this year. Chris had been in it their freshman year and raved about how much fun it was. Kevin attended the concerts with the rest of their friend group, and he had to say, he was very impressed with the groups’ sound. Since he was well adjusted to college by now and was easily able to manage his time wisely, he figured it was time to join. Plus, he already had a friend in the groups, so he knew for sure that he wouldn’t be alone.

On Tuesday at 5:40pm, he headed to the Chapel with Chris, ready to meet the choir director and begin his choir experience. He was very psyched to say the least. Kevin sat down in one of the pews with Chris and the two quietly talked for a bit. Chris had mentioned that the previous choir director had stepped down and a new guy was taking his place this year. This made Kevin a bit nervous because a director could make or break the choir experience. The fact that no one knew what to expect from the new one was a little daunting. Soon enough, a brunette man who looked like he was in his mid to late twenties stood up in the front of the Chapel with a middle-aged woman with short, curly red hair.

“Hi everyone! Welcome to the first Chorale rehearsal! My name is Brian and I will be your new choir instructor! For those who are returning, welcome back! I hope that I’m able to live up to your expectations!” Brian laughed. “And for those of you who are new, I hope the same for you, and we’ll figure this out together! As most of you know, this is Barb, our accompanist. And we have three choir managers who will be helping me out this year. If you could please stand up when I say your name. Andrew Smith.” A tall, blond-haired guy with thick-framed glasses and a smug expression on his face stood up. “Kathryn Jordan.” A short, blonde girl stood up. She looked almost too enthusiastic for her job. “And last, but certainly not least, Dan Malloy.” A tall guy with brown wavy hair and an easy smile stood up. He looked pretty chill.

“Even though this is the first rehearsal, I’d really like for us to get some singing in today. But first, everyone’s favorite activity: Ice breakers!” Kevin groaned internally. Brian continued, “So everyone get in a circle and say your name, year, major, and favorite ice cream flavor.” It wasn’t until all thirty-some members finally got in the circle that Kevin actually surveyed who all was in the Chapel. His heart skipped a beat when he saw Connor across from him. When Connor met Kevin’s eyes, he gave him a smile, which Kevin returned with a nod. Chris, who was standing next to Kevin, had his turn for the ice breaker.

“Hi! I’m Chris Thomas. I’m a sophomore Education major and my favorite ice cream is Vanilla with Strawberry PopTarts on top,” Chris smiled with a faraway look in his eyes. Most people chuckled a bit at that, while the others looked somewhat perplexed at his answer. Kevin sighed before giving his answers.

“Hello. My name is Kevin Price and I am a sophomore medical studies major within the Physician’s Assistant Program,” Kevin rattled off. “And my favorite ice cream flavor is either Cookies and Cream or Coffee.” A few people nodded approvingly. After going through everyone (with Kevin noting that Connor liked Cookies and Cream as well), Brian had the managers pass out sheet music. Kevin looked down at the music: _His Light in Us_.

“Now, I know that I haven’t held any choir hearing yet, so I’m not sure which voice part I will place you with. But for now, just sing with the part you feel comfortable with. Also, if you are interested in joining Schola, please let me know. We can have your audition during the choir hearing,” instructed Brian with a smile. Back home, Kevin sang Tenor with his church choir, so he picked that. As it turned out, Chris, Connor, the manager Andrew (who Kevin found out was also a medical studies major, a year ahead of him), and a few others also considered themselves tenors. He also noted that Kathryn sang with the Sopranos, while Dan sang Bass. Both were sophomore Health Communication and Finance majors, respectively. There were significantly more females in the choir than males, but that was pretty typical. By the time Chorale was over, Kevin had decided that he already loved it. Brian promised to send out an email with a Google Doc attached to it, so that everyone could sign up for a timeslot within the next two days for an audition and/or hearing.

As everyone started filing out (with the exception of the choir managers, who were talking to Brian and Barb about something), Kevin heard someone calling his name. Kevin told Chris to go on without him when he saw it was Connor. He smiled at Connor as he walked up to him and was surprised when Connor pulled him into a hug.

“I didn’t know you were joining Chorale! I think you’ll really love it—it’s so much fun!” gushed Connor. Kevin couldn’t help but smile as he felt a fluttering in his chest. Connor’s passion and enthusiasm for things was very heartwarming and it was hard not to be influenced by it.

“Yeah, well, I didn’t know you were in Chorale either,” Kevin shyly looked up into Connor’s eyes. “So you’re a Tenor as well?” Connor grinned.

“Yep! I don’t think I could hit the Bass notes if my life depended on it,” he laughed. Kevin chuckled as well.

“I’m right there with you. I don’t have the best low range, but it could be worse.”

“Well, I’m really glad that you’re a part of choir this year! It’s gonna be a great year,” Connor smiled before saying goodbye and heading out the doors of the Chapel. Kathryn walked over to Kevin.

“Hi! I don’t think we’ve formally met. I’m Kathryn, one of the choir managers. You’re Kevin, right?”

“Yeah, hi, nice to meet you.” Kevin shook Kathryn’s hand and offered her a smile.

“If you have any questions, concerns, or suggestions, don’t be afraid to talk to me, one of the other managers, or Brian. We’re happy to help!”

“Thanks Kathryn! I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Welcome to choir, Kevin! I hope you have a great year with us!” Kevin thanked her again, said goodbye, and left for his dorm.

He had a feeling that he made the right choice in joining choir this year.


	4. That's Pretty Gay

A couple weeks passed by that consisted of a lot of schoolwork, studying, singing and, most importantly, Kevin and Connor getting to know each other a bit better. Before they knew it, it was time for the annual “Choir Cookout,” which was really just a pizza party outside on the Metson Student Union Center lawn— but, hey: free food and choir socialization! Kevin, Chris, Connor, and a few other choir members were stuffing their faces with pizza while telling jokes when all of a sudden, they heard an announcement.

 “We hope you all are really enjoying the choir cookout so far! Now it’s time for mandatory fun! Yay! Get over here!” Kathryn called. Kevin and the rest of the choir members stood up from the picnic tables they were eating at and formed a group in front of Kathryn.

“I wonder what we’re gonna be doing?” Kevin asked Jessica, one of the sopranos who was sitting with them. She just shrugged her shoulders.

“Okay, so we’re going to be playing a game where we’ll be divided into three teams. Everyone in these teams have to grab onto the hand of someone who is not next to them and untangle yourselves without letting go of each other’s hands. The first team to win gets…bragging rights. The joys of winning and victory over your peers,” Kathryn explained. “So, let’s count off by threes. One!” Everyone said their number and got into their respective groups. Kevin joined the other Ones (of whom he knew, were Kathryn, Connor, and Dan). They hurried to grab hands and started to untangle at Brian’s signal. Things seemed to be going decently well, until Group Three untangled first with very little progress from Kevin’s group.

“It’s okay! We can still get second place,” Kathryn encouraged. They twisted and turned around, with quite a few members facing away from everyone else as a result. When Group Two untangled, everyone in Group One became progressively more frustrated.

“Oh, come on!” Dan exclaimed. They continued their attempt to untangle with little success.

“Guys…. hold on a second. Just, stop what you’re doing,” Connor asked quietly. Everyone paused. Kevin noticed Connor staring at the hands that were intertwined together. He looked down at his own hands and found the arms of the hands he was holding and discovered that he was holding both of Connor’s hands. Kevin quickly dropped Connor’s hands and turned around, furiously blushing.

_Shit. If anyone saw that and find out about my mark being late, they’re going to accuse me of…sinning…_

“Well there’s the problem. You guys were only holding each other’s hands. That’s why we couldn’t untangle!” Dan realized, chuckling. Connor laughed along with him and the rest of the group but stopped when he realized that Kevin wasn’t joining in, but was rather walking away from the group. He ran over to him.

“Hey, Kev, don’t worry about it. No one’s upset. It’s actually kinda funny…” Connor started.

“It’s not funny, Connor! People are gonna be saying it’s gay. Cause what’s gayer than two guys holding each other’s hands?” Kevin yelled. Connor blinked, taken aback and feeling as though that had come from left field.

“Okay, hold on. No one is saying what we did was gay. There were plenty of people holding hands with the same sex. And second of all, I don’t understand why you’re so upset about this?” Connor asked.

“Just forget it. People are going to notice that we’re missing,” Kevin turned around and walked back over to the group without Connor.

_Yes, because God forbid two guys are alone together. That’s probably pretty gay too,_ Connor thought miserably.

He rejoined the group, nonetheless. Kevin seemed to avoid Connor for the rest of the picnic. When the picnic officially ended, Connor grabbed Kevin’s arm and pulled him to the side, despite his objections.

“What?” Kevin asked, annoyed. Connor resisted the temptation to roll his eyes.

“Tell me, Kevin. How long have you and your girlfriend been dating?” asked Connor. Out of just about any question Connor could have asked, Kevin wasn’t expecting that one.

“Oh. Uh, we’ve been dating for just a little over a year now. Why do you ask?”

“Just wondering how long you’ve been in denial,” Connor retorted casually. Kevin furrowed his eyebrows.

“What do you mean? I’m not in denial about anything. I happen to love Natalia. We make sense together.” Connor actually laughed out loud at that, but it was not his usual laugh. It was full of scorn, making Kevin angry. “You ‘make sense together’? Tell me, Kevin. How do you feel when you’re with her? Does she thrill you? Do you find yourself just begging for more? Or do you just tolerate it?” Throughout Connor’s interrogation, Kevin couldn’t bring himself to look him in the eyes. This only encouraged Connor. He knew he was starting to hit a note with the boy. “Tell me you’ve felt anything like that with her and I’ll lay off. But we both know you haven’t. You never had a mark on your body the entire first year of dating her. Yet somehow it appears after all this time. Explain to me how that happens,” Connor challenged. Kevin faltered.

_How in Heavenly Father’s name did Connor know about that?!_

The only person who knew was Arnold, and Kevin knew he wouldn’t have told a soul.

“Delayed reaction,” Kevin spat after recovering from his surprise. “That’s the only explanation.” Kevin turned from Connor, walking away. Connor wasn’t going to let this go. He called after him.

“The only explanation you’re willing to accept, you mean. The mark is never wrong, Kev. Don’t you think it could be trying to tell you something?” Connor asked. Kevin was done with this conversation.

“Just…leave me alone.” With that, Kevin walked away. Connor didn’t stop him that time.

Feeling tears prick at his eyes, Connor walked into the Metson building, avoiding everyone’s eyes, and headed into the bathroom. After checking that no one else was in there, Connor pulled at the neck of his shirt until he could see the heart-shaped soulmate mark on his collarbone. He stared at his reflection in the mirror for a few moments and wondered what was wrong with him, finally letting the tears cascade down his face silently.

Kevin all but charged into his and Arnold’s room. Arnold looked up from his desk, startled from Kevin’s abrupt entrance. Kevin strode past his best friend and threw himself on his bed, sulking. Arnold opened his mouth to say something, but Kevin beat him to it.

“Don’t say a word. I’m not in the mood,” Kevin murmured, turning on his side away from Arnold. Arnold sighed, but knew how Kevin got in these kinds of moods. He obeyed Kevin’s wish and kept his distance…until he heard Kevin sniffle. Arnold’s heart nearly broke at his best friend’s state. Still, he didn’t say anything. Instead, Arnold left the dorm for a little bit. Kevin assumed Arnold was giving him some privacy, but he still didn’t move from his spot on the bed. About ten minutes later, the tears still didn’t quite stop, and Arnold had returned to their room. Wordlessly, Arnold set a cup of coffee and a maple glazed donut on Kevin’s side table. He knew that Kevin would come talk to him when he was ready. He just hoped the treats would help Kevin feel better in the meantime. When Arnold left the room to get a shower, Kevin rolled over and took the coffee cup. Breathing in the aroma of the coffee, he thought over his fight with Connor. Sighing, he took a few bites of the donut and practically chugged his coffee. By the time Arnold opened the bathroom door, Kevin was feeling a little less aggravated and was ready to talk. Kevin looked at Arnold, who caught the signal and sat down next to his best friend once he was dressed.

“Connor and I had a fight.”

_That was it?_ Arnold had expected something a little more earth-shattering for Kevin to be acting the way he was. Arnold remained silent, allowing Kevin to continue.

 “He, uh… he suggested that maybe Natalia and I aren’t supposed to be together and that I was in denial.”

_There it was._ Arnold knew that Kevin and Natalia’s relationship was sometimes a sore subject for Kevin. Arnold personally didn’t think Kevin was as into her as he claimed, but the boy nearly ripped anyone’s head off if they suggested that. Kevin sighed.

“He brought up the mark…I don’t even know how he knew about that…” Arnold furrowed his eyebrows at that.

“Kev, you know I wouldn’t have told him that, right? I didn’t tell a single soul! I’d do anything for you! I’m your best friend!” Arnold was nearly in hysterics trying to let Kevin know that he would never betray his trust. Kevin laughed a little.

“I know, Arn. Don’t worry. I just can’t figure out how he could have possibly known about the mark though. I’ve never forgotten to fill it in before, so it’s not like he saw it… I just don’t get it…” Kevin sighed. Arnold hesitated before deciding that he needed to say what was on his mind.

“Ummm…Kevin…I’m saying this only because I care a lot about you, buddy, so please don’t take it the wrong way. But…maybe Connor has a point. Are you happy with Natalia?” Arnold asked gently. When Kevin tensed Arnold backtracked a bit. “I mean, you just don’t really act the way that me and Naba do— which is totally fine! Just as long as you’re happy! But you have to admit, the mark thing **is** kinda weird, right?” Kevin sighed and ran his hand through his hair, getting frustrated.

“I don’t know, Arn… I like spending time with Natalia. She makes me laugh, we have a lot in common, she’s pretty…but if I’m being completely honest… I just don’t think I feel as intensely as she does about all of this.” Kevin shifted his position on the bed, hugging his legs to his chest. “When you kiss Naba, you feel something, right?” Kevin asked insecurely. At Arnold’s nod, Kevin continued. “I really don’t feel much of anything when we kiss. It kills me to say it, but it’s true. I just… dang it… Why would she get her mark when we touched and then I don’t get mine until an entire year later? And why am I feeling this way? Love is supposed to be something you’re so sure of, but I’m so entirely baffled by it. What’s wrong with me?” Kevin broke down crying into Arnold’s shoulder by this point. Arnold didn’t know what to say. The whole situation was exceedingly difficult. So, he didn’t say anything. He just held his best friend until he cried himself to sleep.

Kevin woke up to his alarm, in his bed with a blanket on top of him. Arnold must have taken care of him. Kevin made a mental note to thank his best friend, who was already out of the room. He sat up and recounted last night’s events. He supposed he should probably apologize to Connor for flipping out on him. And he’d definitely have to figure out the situation soon. But he figured he would tackle the easier task of the two first… the only problem was that Kevin felt as though both were equally daunting. With a sigh, Kevin picked up his phone and typed out a message to Connor. Ultimately, Kevin ended up typing and deleting multiple messages until he was somewhat satisfied with what he said.

**-Hey Connor. I’m really sorry about last night. I’m just a little confused right now. But I shouldn’t have bit your head off like I did. Can I make it up to you?**

Kevin sighed when he sent it, hoping Connor would agree. He also wanted to find out how the hell he knew about his mark. But most of all, Kevin wanted Connor to not be upset with him. Kevin found himself struggling to really pay attention in his Intro to Fiction and Organic Chemistry classes that day. The fight with Connor was weighing heavily on Kevin’s mind. It wasn’t until his lunch break at 11 before his Mol Cell lecture that Kevin finally felt his phone buzz. He all but threw his sandwich down on his plate as he grabbed his phone. His heart dropped. It was only Natalia asking what chapter they were covering in Mol Cell that day. Kevin suppressed a sigh before replying to her and setting his phone on the table. His phone buzzed a second time. Assuming it was Natalia again, Kevin just glanced down at his phone. His breath caught when he saw Connor’s name on the screen. Once again, Kevin grabbed the phone.

**-I guess you could always buy me a hot chocolate at Mercer… Maybeeeee I’ll forgive you then. ;)**

Kevin smiled down at the message. Maybe he had a chance at fixing it after all. He hastily typed his reply.

**-Deal. Meet you there at 2?**

Seconds later his phone buzzed again. Connor sent the ‘okay fingers’ emoji. Now Kevin just had to get through two and a half more hours. Piece of cake, right? Kind of… Kevin found himself horridly distracted throughout all of his Mol Cell and Psychology classes. However, if Natalia noticed during Mol Cell, she didn’t say anything. Finally, Kevin’s Psychology class let out and he dashed to The Pulse Café in Mercer. Just before walking through the doors, Kevin ran a hand through his hair, fixing it. He saw Connor sitting at one of the tables, staring at his phone when he walked in. Connor looked up and saw Kevin staring at him with a strange expression on his face. Ignoring that, Connor stood up from his chair and gave Kevin a small smile, bringing the boy out of his daze. Kevin walked over to Connor at a quick pace, nearly crushing him in a hug.

“I’m sorry,” Kevin muttered into Connor’s hair. Connor sighed, but returned the hug.

“I know,” was his response. “I’m sorry too. What I said was out of line.”

_Even though it was true,_ Connor added in his head.

Kevin was the first one to break away from the hug, shaking his head.

“No… I just… I’m…” Kevin struggled to find the right words. Connor cut him off.

“It’s okay. I get it. You don’t have to explain anything to me. Just… do what makes you happy, okay?” Connor smiled sadly at Kevin.

_Even if that doesn’t include me…_

Kevin thought what Connor was advising was a lot easier said than done, but that was a discussion for another day. He smiled back at Connor.

“Well, I believe I have a hot chocolate to buy for you, don’t I?” Kevin said, trying to lighten the mood. Connor chuckled and followed him to the counter. The boys walked back to the table, falling into easy conversation once more.

It seemed that everything would be alright again.  


	5. Saturday Mornings are for Choral Workshops

After making up with Connor, Kevin went back into the habit of talking to the boy nearly twenty-four-seven. And it was definitely a good thing that they had made up so quickly, since the Choral Workshop was a mere two weeks after the Choir Cookout. Kevin woke up bright and early on a Saturday (every college student’s nightmare) so that he could spend a whole six hours with no one but his choir family to dive deeper into their music, share lunch, and play games. Kevin was a little skeptical of it, but Connor and Chris insisted that it was so much fun and so worth getting up early for. So, after getting ready, Kevin started the trip over with Chris at 8:45. It was only a two-minute walk from their dorm building, McConnell, to the Metson Student Union, but the pair wanted to get there a little before their 9am call time. When they walked through the doors, they found Kathryn, Dan, and Brian in the middle of setting up chairs for practice. They both ran to help them and treated themselves to the granola bars and fruit that Brian had bought the group for breakfast. Soon enough, Connor, Jessica, and the rest of the members began to filter into the room. Once everyone was accounted for, Brian asked everyone to find a seat and begin.

“Thank you all for coming! Even though this **is** mandatory,” Brian chuckled. A few other people laughed at his joke. “Anyway, let’s get started! I would like anyone who isn’t in Schola to come up and get a copy of _The Virgin Mary Had a Baby Boy._ I was originally going to just have Schola do this piece, but it’s too much fun! I don’t want to keep it away from the rest of you!” All of the non-Schola members shuffled up to Brian excitedly. Word had spread around that this song was a jam and everyone was thrilled to be singing it. After a number of vocal warmups, Brian asked Barb to begin. As soon as Barb started to play the opening notes to the song, everyone started to bob their heads to it, already loving the vibe. They worked on the beginning melody line and slowly added in some of the harmonies. It certainly helped that the Schola members had already learned a decent chunk of the song, so the other members were able to feed off of their leadership in it. After working on that for a while, Brian decided to switch things up a bit.

“Okay, everyone, please stack your chairs off to the side, form a circle, and take out _The Word Was God._ We’re gonna try something different. You’re all going to move with each beat your voice part has. So, the Sopranos and Basses will be moving in time with each other, and the Tenors with the Altos respectively,” Brian explained. It was a little confusing at first, but everyone got the hang of it eventually and stopped running into each other. Most members found it to be fun once the confusion had passed. They did a few rounds of that and then Brian decided to do something similar with another song.

“You all are doing a wonderful job! Now, I want you all to do a similar thing to your parts in Part One of the Pinkham. Pick up from measure twenty-three.” However, Brian did not take into consideration that everyone was back in their places in the circle and he was standing in the middle of it. Therefore, he looked very shocked and slightly terrified as everyone started coming straight at him. Everyone stopped when they saw his face. Brian started to laugh awkwardly.

“God, you all started coming at me!” He still looked a little frantic. Jessica turned to Connor with a serious expression on her face.

“People started walking towards me singing in Latin. Today is the day that I die,” she joked about Brian’s probable thought process. Connor doubled over in laughter, as did Kathryn, Dan, and Kevin, who overheard her.

“Okay, let’s take it from the top, and please don’t storm at me this time,” Brian joked. Shortly after that exercise, Kathryn and Dan ducked out to get lunch for everyone. After about twenty or so minutes, they returned with five large trays of Subway hoagies and three salad containers. Set out next to them were paper plates, cups, napkins, an assortment of cookies, and bottles of water and Coke (which everyone was thrilled about since Mother Mary is a Pepsi campus). They had an hour to relax and enjoy their lunches before going into the second half of the Workshop. Brian and the choir managers worked quickly to set up tables while everyone collected their share of the food. Kevin found himself at a table with Connor, Chris, Jessica, Kathryn, Dan, Brian (which they were all legitimately thrilled about), a quiet, but seemingly sweet Asian Alto named Sam, and a loud, bleach-blond Bass named Dominic. There was overall pleasant conversation at their table and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. Once lunch was over, they all congregated back together in the center of the room.

“Okay, guys! Before we get back to work, we’re going to play some ice breaker games. So put your chairs in a circle and sit down,” Brian announced. They did as they were told and Brian furthered his instructions. “Great! So in this game, the person in the middle of the circle will say their name and something about themselves. Then everyone who fits the description has to claim a chair that is not the one they just occupied. Whoever doesn’t get a chair will say the next description and so on. I’ll start. Hi everyone, my name is Brian— “

“Hi Brian,” past members droned at him, imitating an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.

“Ahaha! Hi! I hate chocolate,” Brian informed them. No one moved. Then one of the Basses, Mitchell, slowly raised his hand.

“Do you mean, like, you hate to eat it because it’s unhealthy?” he asked. Brian shook his head.

“No, I hate the taste. I can’t even stand to smell it, actually,” Brian clarified.

“Oh. Never mind then…” Everyone still remained in their seats.

“Really? I’m the only one? It’s funny, actually, when I was in college, I lived on a floor with like four or five other guys who also hated chocolate. Okay, I’ll, uh, try something else… My favorite color is purple.” At that, a few members stood up and ran to the nearest chair. Jessica was the lucky (or maybe unlucky, depending on how you look at it) member who did not reach a chair in time.

“Hey guys, I’m Jessica!”

“Hi, Jessica...”

“And I was involved in theatre in high school,” she said before scampering off to claim a chair. Unsurprisingly, a number of members got up at that one, Connor, Kathryn, and Dan among them. Kevin and Chris remained seated.

The game continued on for about a half hour or so. Everyone was laughing and having a good time as they found out about their peers. On Connor’s last turn, he got up, introduced himself, and shocked Kevin.

“I got my soulmate mark,” he stated, staring right at Kevin. A few people stood up and ran to a new chair. Kevin was half aware that Chris also slinked over to a chair, which he would have to question him about later. Kevin broke out of his spell a little too late though and ended up in the middle.  He halfheartedly stated that he has brown eyes just so that he could sit down and steal Dan’s seat. His mind was racing, and he felt his stomach clench.

_Connor has his mark? Who is it for? When did he get it?_

As the workshop continued, Kevin had to force his obsessive thoughts out of his head. After working on some more of their music for a while, Brian let everyone go around 3pm.

“Make sure you guys take the remaining food! I don’t want it! Haha,” Brian shouted after the choir members as they left. Kevin grabbed the remaining Coke bottle and noticed Sam grabbing no less than five bags of chips, most at least half full. She met his gaze.

“What? I’m hungry,” she shrugged before laughing and walking away with her snacks. Kevin followed her out the door shortly with Connor and Chris in tow. Connor had to meet up with one of his theatre friends in the library, so he left the two soon after they walked out the door.

“So you got your soulmate mark? When did this happen?” Kevin asked the small blonde. Chris blushed.

“Uh, this past summer when I was working at Facilities. It’s a long story… I’ll have to tell you about it sometime…” Chris replied, a bit nervously.

“Aw, that’s great! I’m sure she’s a lovely girl! I’m really happy for you,” Kevin said sincerely with a smile, even though he didn’t understand why the blonde didn’t just tell him.

“Thanks, Kevin…” Chris gave a somewhat strained smile. Kevin didn’t know what he was hiding, but he didn’t want to push it. They spent the rest of their walk back to the dorms in silence. Kevin’s mind slowly decided to start obsessing over Connor’s situation again. He couldn’t figure out why he was so concerned about it but pegged it down to being curious about his friend. But that still didn’t explain his clenching and unclenching stomach as he thought about Connor’s secret soulmate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be updating this every couple days, since it’s already complete, but I hope you guys enjoyed the first five chapters! This story has aspects of it that are loosely (or maybe not so loosely) influenced by my own life and interactions with people, so I'm sorry if there are some weird parts that I found funny that no one else does. Hahaha Let me know what you think! :)


	6. We're Best Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to those who commented on my last chapter, left kudos, or even just silently read! I'm really happy that people are actually enjoying this!! :)  
> Enjoy!

Kevin, Connor, and Chris walked out of the Chapel after choir in early October as Kevin received a text from Natalia. He pulled out his phone and groaned. Connor and Chris peeked over his shoulder to see what was wrong.

**-You’re still meeting me at the Copperhead tonight for Marian Morales, right? :)**

“Hey, I heard about that. That’s a Campus Ministry event, right? Isn’t it like a talk with food?” inquired Chris. Kevin rolled his eyes.

“Yeah. I forgot that I promised her I’d go. Ugh, I’m probably going to be the only non-Catholic there,” Kevin pouted.

“Well, I’m not doing anything tonight. I could go with you if you want,” Connor offered.

“Really? You wouldn’t mind?” Kevin asked hopefully.

“It might be fun,” he shrugged. “Plus, I heard the food from the Copperhead is really good and I’ve been looking for an excuse to go there.”

“You’re a lifesaver, thank you,” Kevin said seriously.

“Aw man, I wish I could go with you guys. But I have a huge paper due tomorrow and I really can’t procrastinate any more,” Chris lamented.

“Well, if it’s any good, we’ll all have to go to the next one together,” Connor smiled.

“Sounds like a plan! Well, I’ll catch you guys later. Have fun!” Chris walked to his dorm, while Kevin and Connor entered Evermund Hall to waste some time before they left. Kevin texted Natalia to confirm that he was coming, and that Connor was tagging along. She was out with a few friends at the moment, so she would be leaving wherever they were at to go to the talk afterwards. Connor and Kevin messed around by watching videos and singing their choir songs at the tops of their lungs inside the empty building full of, thankfully, empty classrooms. Soon enough, the pair walked to Connor’s car and drove the short distance to the Copperhead Grill, becoming increasingly excited for the event. They found a parking spot along the side of the restaurant and walked in.

“Hello! We’re here for Marian Morales,” Kevin chirped at the hostess.

“Just head through those doors,” she smiled. They thanked her and walked through the doors into the private room. They saw the chaplain of the university, the head of Campus Ministry, and a few of their peers sitting at various tables.

“Connor! Kevin!” The boys looked up to find Kathryn and Dan waving them over.

“Hey guys! I didn’t know you two went to this. Is it any good?” Connor asked.

“Aw hell yeah, mate! The food and the talks are both pretty lit! I’m Russian Orthodox, but they don’t care. Everyone is welcome!” Dan smiled.

“Oh cool! I thought we were going to be the only ones who aren’t Catholic at this,” sighed Kevin in relief, gesturing to himself and Connor.

“Nope! I think there might even be a few others too. So what religion are you guys?” Kathryn asked.

“We’re Mormons. A part of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints,” Kevin replied proudly. “My girlfriend is Catholic though.” Kevin didn’t notice, but Connor rolled his eyes when he brought up Natalia. Kathryn and Dan noticed though, and although they exchanged a look between each other, they decided not to bring it up.

“That’s so cool! I love learning about other religions. Dan and I always compare and contrast our faiths,” Kathryn laughed. “So, how do you guys pray? Like, Catholics do the Sign of the Cross, and so do Orthodox Christians, but just in opposite directions, if that makes sense,” Kathryn asked. She and Dan demonstrated how they do it, and Kevin and Connor observed that Kathryn touched her left shoulder first, while Dan touched his right first.

“Ahh I see. Well, we don’t really bless ourselves before prayer. We usually just bow our heads, fold our arms, and close our eyes during prayer,” Connor explained.

“That’s cool, man. By the way, do you guys want to join us?” Dan asked.

“Yeah, that’d be great, thanks!” Kevin beamed at the two and he and Connor took the seats across from them.

 _Natalia can just pull up a chair when she gets her_ e _,_ Kevin thought offhandedly.

At that time, a waitress came over to get their drink order.

“Hi! Could I have a Coke, please?” Kathryn asked.

“Is Pepsi okay?”

“Could you make that a Diet Pepsi, actually?” The waitress nodded.

“Water, please.”

“Mountain Dew, please.”

“Diet Pepsi as well, please.” The waitress took off after Connor’s order. Kathryn sighed.

“Freaking Pepsi. You can’t get away from it! I just want a Coke!”

“Oh, come off it, Kathryn. There’s not even a difference,” Dan rolled his eyes. The whole rest of the table dropped everything and stared at him. “What?”

“There’s definitely a difference,” Connor stated. Kathryn and Kevin nodded in agreement.

“If anything, it’s just a difference in carbonation,” Dan scoffed.

“Are you kidding me?! Pepsi has a weird aftertaste! Coke is the superior soft drink,” Kathryn proclaimed.

“I agree, Pepsi kinda sucks,” Kevin lamented. “I can really only drink Diet Pepsi.”

“Well, I will admit, Coke makes Spicy Water, so they win in that regard,” Dan said.

“Huh? What’s “Spicy Water?” Connor asked while Kevin just furrowed his eyebrows.

“He means Sprite. It’s his favorite soda,” Kathryn explained. As she said this, Natalia joined their table, bringing a chair with her.

“Hi babe,” she greeted Kevin with a kiss. Connor resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “Who are your friends?”

“Well, you know Connor. This is Kathryn and Dan. We met through choir,” Kathryn and Dan said hello, while Connor gave Natalia a strained smile. Their drinks were brought out and Natalia’s order was taken. Everyone’s eyes shifted to the waitstaff, who had begun to bring huge platters of appetizers into the room. Everyone at the table was having a good time laughing amongst each other as they waited for the go ahead to get food. The atmosphere became a little awkward though when the topic of relationships came up.

“So Natalia, how long have you and Kevin been dating?” Kathryn asked.

“Just over a year,” she beamed, intertwining her hand into Kevin’s. “How long have you and Dan been together? You’re such a cute couple!” Connor and Kevin blanched, while Dan and Kathryn laughed awkwardly.

“Uh, we’re not dating,” Dan replied.

“We’re best friends. That’s it,” Kathryn added. Natalia’s smile dropped.

“Oh my God, I’m sorry, I just assumed…”

“No, no, it’s okay. You’re not the first person to make that mistake,” Kathryn assured.

“Well, how about you, Connor? Do you have anyone special in your life?” Natalia tried to save. Connor inwardly groaned but forced a smile on his face.

“Not yet. Just waiting for that special someone…” he answered vaguely. Kathryn and Dan exchanged a look again, Kevin avoided eye contact with everyone by suddenly finding the table very interesting, and Natalia smiled at him encouragingly.

“Well, I’m sure you’ll find her eventually!” she said brightly. Luckily, Connor didn’t have to respond because the Campus Ministry director announced that the event would be starting. The priest stood up and led everyone in prayer. Once they finished thanking God for the food and comradery and asking Him to bless and help those who would go without either of those things that night, the tables were called to get their food. Fortunately, Kevin’s table was the second table called on. When they reached the table of food, Kevin thought he was going to pass out. Past the veggie tray was two huge stacks of mozzarella sticks, two plates full of quesadillas, and two plates of chicken fingers. Their whole table loaded their plates up with probably thousands of calories of deliciousness.

When they returned back to their table, they continued pleasant conversation, although it admittedly did have an awkward undertone ever since the topic of relationships came. At 8:30, the person presenting, Father Bill, one of the Oblates, decided to start his talk. Kevin felt his heart clench while Father Bill talked about his best friend from home. Everything he was saying about his friend—how trustworthy he was, how he could depend on him for anything, how much he meant to him. It all struck a chord with Kevin. It was without a doubt how Kevin felt about Connor. He risked a glance at the boy and felt a thrill in his stomach when their eyes met. They shared a meaningful look before adverting their eyes to not call attention to themselves. Natalia then decided to grab his hand and plant a quick peck on his cheek. He gave her a small smile and could have sworn he saw Connor frown from his peripheral vision, but when he glanced over at him, the boy had a neutral face.

 _Huh. That’s strange,_ Kevin thought.

The rest of the talk and questions lasted for about half an hour. After a group picture with everyone in attendance to post on the Campus Ministry social media pages, everyone started to filter out of the restaurant.

“Hey, babe? Will you drive back to campus with me? I feel like I hardly see you anymore.” asked Natalia. Kevin glanced at Connor, having been expecting to drive back with him, since they drove together originally. Connor waved his hand as if to say “go ahead.” Kevin turned back to his girlfriend.

“Sure, let’s go,” Kevin shrugged. The pair left together after saying goodbye to Connor, Kathryn, and Dan. Unbeknownst to Kevin, Connor sighed sadly once they were out the door. Kathryn and Dan exchanged yet another look but ultimately decided not to inquire about it.

“Hey Connor, do you have anything in particular to do once you get back onto campus?” Kathryn asked. Connor looked over at her, confused.

“No, not really. I was probably just going to watch YouTube or Netflix or something until I went to bed. Why?”

“Well, I was planning on watching a movie or something when I got back. Dan’s heading home for the night, but I was wondering if you’d maybe want to join me?” she asked with a smile. Connor smiled back.

“I’d actually like that a lot, thanks! Do you want to just drive with me then, so that way Dan doesn’t have to go out of his way?”

“That works!” They then said goodbye to Dan and went their separate ways.

\--o0o--

Meanwhile, Kevin and Natalia drove back to Mother Mary talking about Natalia’s evening with the girls. It wouldn’t be fair for Kevin to say that he didn’t care about what Karen said about Nikki’s new hairstyle or that Gwen is on her second boyfriend of the semester… but he wasn’t particularly interested either… Even so, he listened intently to what Natalia was saying and threw in his own comments. Because the stories mattered to her, so obviously he’s going to care. Because Kevin is a good boyfriend, who’s mind totally isn’t occasionally wandering to Connor driving back to school alone. Why would that happen? Soon enough, but also not soon enough, they were back on campus.

“Do you wanna come to my room for a little bit? Amanda is supposed to be tutoring tonight.” Natalia asked. Kevin weighed his options for a moment. He didn’t have any homework to finish up for the night, and Natalia was accurate in saying that they hadn’t been spending much time with each other lately. So, he agreed, and she smiled, and he preened a little because he knew he was being a good boyfriend by doing this, even though his mark came extremely late for her. She parked her car in the parking lot behind the dorm and they made their way up the stairs. As soon as she unlocked her door, she all but slammed it behind them and pressed Kevin up against it, kissing him passionately. Kevin’s eyes widened, not expecting **that** to happen at all, but recovered after a few seconds and kissed her back. Her hands gripped his face as she pressed her body into his. He left his hands to gently hold her waist. Apparently she was becoming unsatisfied with this, because in no time at all, her hands left his face and slowly began to drag down him, trailing from his neck, to his chest, to his sides, until she was grabbing his ass as leverage to pull him even closer to her. It was at this point that Kevin broke the kiss.

“Nat, I think we should cool down a little,” he said in a straight voice. She looked up at him, slightly out of breath.

“Right, sorry, Kev…” she panted. “I just can’t help myself sometimes…” she added, dragging a finger down his chest. “You’re just so sweet and smart, plus, you’re really hot on top of that,” she laughed a little. Kevin laughed too, once again, preening at the compliments.

“Well so are you. I just don’t want us to make any mistakes, you know? What if we got too carried away and wouldn’t be able to be…uh...” He coughed. “…safe…” Kevin felt very awkward brining this up, but he needed to get his point across.

 _We can’t have sex. Not now. Not ever._ _Wait, what?_

Luckily, Natalia seemed to agree with what he actually said aloud.

“No, you’re right. I’m sorry. At least you’re able to think straight through your… passion,” she joked. Kevin laughed nervously.

_If you could call that passion… At least, by some miracle, she doesn’t seem to notice that I’m not nearly as turned on by all of this as she is._

As soon as he thought this, however, he noticed her glancing down, presumably at his crotch, and frowning, likely due to his lack of arousal.

 _Welp, so much for that…_ Kevin knew he had to change the subject fast.

“How about we watch some Netflix or something for a bit, okay?” Kevin suggested. She looked up to meet his eyes and blushed. She then agreed and they both cuddled on her bed while watching _The Office._ In the back of his mind, Kevin sort of worried about why he seemed to feel next to nothing for this girl who was apparently his soulmate. It didn’t make any sense to Kevin, but he tried not to let his worrying show. He just had to trust in Heavenly Father…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every place that I mention in this fic (aside from the actual college—that's made up) is real, and I will have been to a majority of them. The Copperhead Grill is a very real, very delicious restaurant in the Lehigh Valley of Pennsylvania. Highly recommend! Haha I also stand by what I said in that Coke is the superior soda.  
> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Let me know what you think! :)


	7. What's Scarier Than a Boner in Class?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much, again, to everyone who commented, left kudos, or even just read this! I'm glad people are actually enjoying this, and I hope you guys continue to! :)

Arnold silently reveled in the fact that Kevin was spending so much time talking to and hanging out with Connor. It was obvious that Kevin was significantly happier whenever so much as the topic of Connor was brought up. His best friend still refused to talk about the elephant in the room that was his relationship with Natalia, but Arnold decided that these baby steps were better than nothing. However, while he was elated by his friend’s happiness, Arnold had to admit that he was beginning to feel slightly jealous of the pair’s friendship. He knew that Kevin would never leave him, but Arnold still felt the sting. So, he pushed those feelings to the back of his head and reminded himself that this friendship is a good thing for Kevin. Besides, it wasn’t like he and Kevin never hung out anymore. They still had movie nights every Friday and grabbed dinner together with the rest of their friend group, while Connor went at a later time with his musical theatre buddies. Everything was fine.

Except, maybe not so much inside Kevin’s head. He was still feeling conflicted about his relationship with Natalia. It just kept getting harder and harder keep up. Kevin didn't want to end his relationship, but he felt it was unfair keep stringing it along when he felt nothing. But would he feel anything with anyone else? That was the hardest question to answer. What if he was making a huge mistake by breaking up with her? They were **supposedly** supposed to be soulmates, and as skeptical of that Kevin felt, he still didn’t want to screw up fate. Or maybe worse of all, Kevin just wasn’t meant for love. Now that **really** depressed Kevin. He sighed while thinking all of this over. He knew he had to eventually talk to Natalia about it. After all, communication is crucial in a relationship. If only it wasn’t so gosh dang hard.

Of course, Kevin didn’t get to have that conversation with Natalia as soon as he probably should have. It’s just that Halloween was coming up and she was so excited to do a couple’s costume with him. Was he supposed to be a dick and ruin that for her? Kevin thought not, so he agreed to her idea of dressing up as Jim and Pam from _The Office_ and kept his mouth shut about his insecurities about their relationship. On Halloween, which fell on a Tuesday that year, Kevin found himself putting on the Jim ensemble as he got ready for his Western Civilization class. He sighed, thinking of the huge fuss Natalia was going to make over their costumes, and all of the cute comments they’d get, and listening on and on to just how ‘perfect they are for each other!’ Kevin felt like puking. A year ago, he’d have at least some happiness or pride in it, but the more he thought about their relationship, the less enthralled he was with it— which said a lot, considering he was never that into it in the first place. As they say, ‘Ignorance is bliss.’ And bliss it was…

When Kevin walked into Thompson’s classroom, Connor was not there yet, probably running late. Kevin took out his notebook and jotted down the date on a fresh page. To amuse himself, he drew a tiny pumpkin and ghost next to the date, in spirit of the holiday. As he heard Connor slip into the seat next to him, Kevin looked up to say hello, but was rendered speechless by the sight in front of him. Connor decided to dress up as well, looking like some strange concoction of a gang member and a Mormon missionary that for some Godforsaken reason worked so well for him.

“Hey Kev! Or should I say… ‘Three-hole-punch Jim?’ Nice _Office_ reference,” Connor smiled, waiting for a response from Kevin. When he didn’t receive any more than the same dumbfounded stare Kevin was already giving him, Connor smirked. “What? Have I actually rendered **the** Kevin Price speechless? Or is my costume just that bad that you’re in awe of it?” Connor laughed as Kevin yelled out a strangled “No!” to that. Kevin apparently found his voice again.

“Uh… what are you, um, supposed to be?” Kevin unknowingly licked his lips. Connor stared at the pink tongue popping out from between his supple lips before he remembered Kevin’s question. He cleared his throat, feeling awkward all of a sudden.

“A Mormon missionary who, uh, found himself in with the wrong crowd, I suppose,” Connor chuckled. His hair was purposely disheveled, his white shirt was not tucked in with a few buttons undone, his tie was loosened around his neck, and instead of black dress pants and dress shoes, Connor was wearing black skinny jeans with black Converse sneakers. All things considered, Connor thought he looked pretty good, and Kevin certainly agreed, whether he’d admit it or not. Kevin swallowed.

“Well, you certainly look—“ Before Kevin could finish his thought, Dr. Thompson started the lesson for the day. Connor was a little disappointed that he didn’t get to find out what Kevin was going to say but judging by the boy’s speechlessness and the look on his face, Connor figured it was something good. He smirked to himself as he wrote notes from Thompson’s lecture. Oh yes, Connor was very happy that Chris convinced him to take on the badass look for the holiday. And he was willing to bet that Kevin felt the same.

Kevin was very distracted throughout Western Civ to say the least. He didn’t understand what he was feeling. His stomach felt like it was swirling, his chest felt tight, and his pants suddenly uncomfortably did too.

_Jesus Christ…do I actually have a **boner** in class?! What the hell is going on?_

Eventually, as he forced himself to focus on his work, the feelings—and boner—subsided… only to return when the lecture was over, and Connor said that he’d see Kevin later and walked away, his hips hugged and his ass prominently shown through the tight jeans. Kevin swallowed the lump in his throat. It was normal for him to think his friend was attractive, right? There’s nothing wrong with that. He’s just… appreciating Connor’s… beauty. That’s a totally straight thing to do. Because Kevin was not gay. He had a girlfriend. That he was seeing in an hour in a Pam Beesly costume. That he secretly did not think would look nearly as good as Connor’s costume.

This was going to be a very long day for Kevin Price.

After grabbing a small brunch to pass the time, Kevin made his way over to his Organic Chemistry lab. As soon as he walked through the door, Natalia bounded over to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Kevin smiled at the gesture, but he wasn’t sure if it was a force of habit or if it was actually how he felt about it. He couldn’t even read his own emotions anymore.

“You look really handsome, Kevin,” gushed Natalia. She was dressed in a white button-down with a pink cardigan over it, along with a gray knee-length pencil skirt and white vans. Her long, black, curly hair was pulled into a half-up style. The look was admittedly kind of cute. He smiled at her.

“Thanks, Nat. You look pretty cute, yourself,” he said teasingly.

_See? I could do this._

She giggled and pulled Kevin into another kiss, this time on the lips. Kevin closed his eyes and kissed her back, trying his best to be convincing.

“Alright, lovebirds. Enough with the PDA,” said a jesting voice. Kevin opened his eyes to see one of Natalia’s friends, Bill standing in front of them with a smile on his face. Kevin doesn’t think he’s ever been so happy to see him. Bill was a very tall guy, even taller than Kevin. He had short raven black hair, a nice smile, and honestly, a pretty toned body. He was the athletic type—something Kevin was not. Kevin was involved with choir—he wasn’t supposed to be good at sports.

 _Why is anyone good at sports?_ Kevin thought a little sourly.

Bill took out his phone and insisted on getting a picture of the couple, which they (mostly) happily obliged to. Natalia gleefully insisted that he send her the picture, presumably so that she could plaster it all over social media. Luckily for Kevin, their lab instructor came into the room and began class. He and Natalia worked diligently on their lab on the Synthesis of Cyclohexene from Cyclohexanol. About two and a half hours went by until they finally finished their lab. Kevin was tired, hungry, and moody by the fact that it was one of their longer labs. So, he pecked Natalia on the lips goodbye and hightailed it out of Durstein to get to the cafeteria for a late lunch. He got there with twenty minutes until the cafeteria would stop serving lunch. He bought an Italian hoagie and a bottle of Diet Cherry Pepsi and slumped down at a table, thanking Heavenly Father that he was finished his classes for the day.  

After he was done eating his lunch, Kevin headed back to his dorm room. Arnold wasn’t back yet, so Kevin took advantage of the alone time and laid in bed, watching _Mulan_ on Netflix. After the movie was over, Kevin felt significantly happier and more relaxed.

 _Disney truly makes everything better,_ Kevin thought happily.

He decided to take advantage of his new surge of energy and work on his homework. Unfortunately, the PA program was very demanding, so he never actually had a free night. But Kevin didn’t mind too much. He found his classes to be very interesting and he loved learning more about the subjects. He decided to start with his Intro to Fiction work for the night. He had to annotate and write an analysis of the story that was due for Wednesday and submit his work online. The story was actually one he had read—and enjoyed—in high school: _The Cask of Amontillado_ by Edgar Allan Poe, so Kevin had an easy task of annotating and analyzing for the night. He wrote his comments, a few of them delightfully witty (or at least, he thought so). Once he finished annotating, he wrote up his summary and analysis, took pictures of the papers and submitted them onto Blackboard.  Kevin checked the time and discovered he had about fifteen minutes to spare, so he began to read the chapter they’d be covering in Psychology the next day to be productive with his time.

Finally, it was about time to leave for choir practice. Chris bounded through the bathroom into Kevin’s room wearing his costume. At just one look, Kevin almost burst into laughter. Chris wore an almost dress-like, boxy, light brown shirt. On the front of the shirt was a large patch of pink with rainbow dots. Underneath, he wore black jeans with black Converse. Kevin couldn’t believe Chris was dressed up like a freaking Pop-Tart.

“Ya like my costume?” Chris asked with a grin that nearly encompassed his entire face.

“I do! It’s very you,” Kevin laughed. Still wearing his Jim costume, the pair walked to the Chapel together, chattering animatedly. They sat in the pews and observed the other costumes as everyone walked in. Kathryn dressed up as Elle Woods from _Legally Blonde_ , Dan dressed as a “stereotypical college student” (which was just an excuse to wear his pajamas for the day), and there were a variety of other costumes such as princesses, _Star Wars_ characters, ninjas, pirates, emojis, _Pokémon_ , and animals. And of course, there was Connor’s costume. Even Chris faltered at it.

“Whoa, Connor! Looking good, man! I told you that’d be a good look for you!” exclaimed Chris. Connor burst into laughter as Kevin scrunched his eyebrows.

_This was Chris’ idea?_

 “Hey, you’re looking pretty sweet, yourself!” Connor replied with a wink. Kevin felt an uneasy feeling surge over his body at their comments, but he wasn’t sure why. He frowned and tried to ignore it. Connor noticed the sour expression on Kevin’s face and hid a smile. It seemed like Kevin was jealous of his and Chris’ banter. Poor Chris was oblivious to it, but Connor was well aware and considered whether he should egg it on or not… He decided to have some fun.

“In fact, Chris, it seems like you were already in the toaster oven, cause you’re piping hot,” Connor smirked as Chris doubled over in laughter and Kevin began to fume. Feeling as though he had taken things far enough, Connor ended the faux flirting there. Chris’ eyes brightened a second later, as Kevin started to return from bright red back to his normal complexion.

“Oh guys, we should totally get a picture together! Our first Halloween as choir buddies!” Chris exclaimed. Kevin softened at that. Connor smiled.

“That’s a great idea!” He looked to see who was in the area and saw Kathryn, Dan, and Jessica talking. “Hey Kathryn? Would you take our picture for us?” She smiled brightly.

“Sure thing! You guys look great!” She took Chris’ phone as the trio lined up at the front of the Chapel. Chris and Connor stood at either side of Kevin and the three looped their arms around each other. Kevin felt his heart pick up speed as Connor placed his hand at the small of Kevin’s back. They smiled happily as Kathryn took a few pictures. They thanked her and gathered around the phone to inspect their pictures. Everyone was satisfied, and Chris texted the pictures to Kevin and Connor. Kevin also took his phone out for a few silly pictures for Snapchat. Connor took a picture of Kevin pretending to take a bite out of Chris the Pop-Tart and Kevin did the same for Connor (although he suddenly didn’t think it was as funny when Connor pretended to bite their friend). Chris also made Kevin and Connor take a picture together, back-to-back trying to look badass. While attempting to look intimidating, the two ended up falling over each other laughing hysterically. Luckily, Chris was able to capture the moment, creating a very adorable candid picture.

Brian ended up starting Schola practice a few minutes late, noticing the fun everyone was having with each other. Practice for both Schola and Chorale were fun as usual, and the groups were able to accomplish a good deal for the two allotted hours. Brian sent the group off at the end of practice, praising them for their hard work and wishing them a nice rest of the holiday. Many of the choir members walked to the cafeteria afterwards to grab dinner, but Kevin, Chris, and Connor decided to go to Metson instead, since the boys were craving the cafe’s rice bowls. They laughed the whole walk there and didn’t stop except to order their food and eat it. One thing was for sure, they could all agree that it was a very good night.

When Kevin got back to his room that night, he looked at the pictures he took with his friends that day. He saved the silly pictures they all took, but he immediately posted the group picture from the Chapel on Instagram, captioning it with “There are some people in life that make you laugh a little bit louder, smile a little brighter, and live just a little bit better.” Cheesy as it was, it was definitely true. Kevin didn’t remember seeing any pictures where he looked happier… except maybe that candid picture with Connor. Certainly not that happy when he was in pictures with Natalia, which...

 _Shit. I never posted the picture with her. I better do that now before my head gets ripped off,_ Kevin thought as he rolled his eyes.

He posted the picture that Bill took of them that morning, captioning it with “Name a better duo than Jim and Pam. <3”

 _It’s sweet enough to not cause suspicion, but not exactly lying either, since we aren’t the actual characters,_ Kevin reasoned.

He heard Arnold scoff across the room. Kevin looked up to see him furiously typing on his phone. Kevin opened his mouth to ask what was wrong and got a notification on his own phone. He glanced down at it to see that Arnold had commented on his picture with Connor and Chris.

**arncunham: And I’m not included?! I see how it is, “best friend” :,(**

Kevin quickly commented back.

**kev_loves_orlando: @arncunham You could never be replaced—this is only the choir squad. You can’t get rid of me that easily, pal. ;P**

Kevin then sat on Arnold’s bed and put his head on his shoulder. Arnold pulled Kevin into a hug and chuckled lightly.

“I know, Kev. I’m just kidding,” Arnold looked at Kevin with a smile, reassuring him that they were alright.

“Good. I need to keep you around,” Kevin teased, but deep down was serious. Arnold prepared himself for what he was going to bring up next, knowing that Kevin probably wasn’t going to like it.

“I, uh, saw your picture with Natalia too. And the pictures with Connor on Snapchat…” Kevin sighed. “Buddy, have you given any thought to your feelings?”

“I have,” Kevin said rather curtly. He didn’t elaborate any more, so Arnold had to fish a little bit.

“Kevin, you know I just want you to be happy right? That’s all I ever want for you.” Kevin nodded his head, so Arnold continued. “I think you need to break it off with Natalia.” Arnold hesitated before adding, “And you should really give Connor a chance.” Kevin tensed.

 _Oh no…_ Arnold thought.

Kevin pulled away from Arnold and glared at him.

“Okay, I agree that I maybe need to break up with Natalia, but where is this idea about Connor coming from?” Kevin asked with an edge to his voice. Arnold shrunk a little in his bed

“Well, you’re always talking about him and he obviously makes you really happy, so I just thought—“

“I’m not gay,” Kevin interrupted, sounding angry. Arnold wasn’t stupid. He knew he should just let it go. But he just needed to get one more point across.

“Okay. But if you were, there’s nothing wrong with that,” Arnold added, gently. Kevin abruptly got up from the bed and laid in his own, ending the conversation. Arnold didn’t bother Kevin for the rest of the night, knowing his roommate had to blow off some steam before he’d be willing to talk again. Arnold would attempt to fix things in the morning. Wordlessly, after a few minutes, he turned off the lights and went to bed as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brownie points to anyone who caught the kind of obscure Andrew Rannells reference in here. Haha  
> Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Let me know! :)


	8. ...I Cheated On You...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading, leaving kudos, and/or leaving comments! Enjoy! :)

Kevin felt that his relationship with Natalia was becoming more and more strenuous with each day. In fact, he didn’t even like spending time with her anymore. He just felt completely and utterly miserable. And if that wasn’t enough on his mind, Kevin still found his what seemed to be attraction to Connor on Halloween to be troubling. Especially since it didn’t seem like it went away after the holiday. Even when Connor wasn’t wearing… tight clothing, Kevin still found himself ogling after him. He thought back to how borderline obsessive Arnold is about Naba. But Kevin wasn’t like that about Connor, right? Besides, soulmate marks didn’t form for people of the same sex, as far as Kevin knew. The Church had always taught that it was impossible and that it was Heavenly Father’s plan to bring a man and woman together. Not two men or two women. But no matter what his feelings were for Connor, whether they be romantic (which they **definitely** **were not** ) or purely platonic, he knew he had to end things with Natalia. Because no matter what way he looked at it, he just didn't feel the way he was supposed to feel with her. 

A little over two weeks after Halloween, Kevin found himself eating lunch with Natalia after their Mol Cell lab, since her class after the lab was cancelled. She was rambling on about something or another while Kevin only halfway paid attention, mindlessly stabbing at his salad. He couldn’t take it anymore.

“—and then Gwen said that he actually stole her shirt. I mean, just—“

“Can we talk?” he interrupted. She looked up and paused for a moment before replying.

“Aren’t we doing that right now?” she asked as her eyebrows furrowed. Kevin sighed.

“No, I mean… **talk-** talk…” he trailed off, deciding a little too late that maybe now wasn’t the best time to bring it up.

“Oh. Okay. What do you want to talk about?” Natalia asked, looking anxious.

“Do you wanna go back to my room? Little more private…”

“Yeah, sure.” The two dumped the rest of their lunches, neither feeling very hungry anymore. The five-minute walk to Kevin’s dorm felt more like five hours. They walked back in an awkward silence. Kevin had no idea what was going through Natalia’s mind, but he was trying to figure out how to do… **this**. When they finally got back to his room and Kevin shut the door, Natalia burst into tears. Kevin’s eyes widened, and he immediately started to panic.

_Oh my God, I didn’t even tell her yet! Why is she crying?!_

“Hey, hey, hey. Are you okay?” He pulled her into a hug and rubbed her back. Just because he wasn’t into her, it didn’t mean that he didn’t care about her.

“I’m so sorry, Kevin,” she sobbed into his chest. Kevin froze.

_Wait, **she’s** sorry? Why is **she** sorry? _

He pulled away from her a little to look her in the eyes.

“What are you talking about?”

“I didn’t mean for it to happen… I really wanted to be with you, Kev. I tried to convince myself that it was for you and it just happened a little late. I…I knew it was you when you said you had yours too. But now I don’t know what to feel…” she burst into tears again. Kevin furrowed his eyebrows, feeling completely confused.

“Wait, what’s wrong? What are you talking about?” She looked away from him, tears still streaming down her face.

“Me and Bill kissed.”

_Oh…_

“I’m sorry! I’m the worst person in the world. I can’t believe I cheated on you. And even worse… I don’t know if I can honestly say that I want it to only be a one-time thing… Oh, God, Kevin. What’s wrong with me!? How could I even say that?!” she put her head in her hands.

“Nat, it’s okay.”

“How is any of this okay?! We’re supposed to be together and here I am cheating on you and wanting to do it again!” Kevin shook his head.

“No… we’re not.” She looked up at him, confused. He sighed. “I haven’t been completely honest with you, either. I didn’t get my soulmate mark when we touched for the first time.”

“What?” She confusedly looked up at him with tears still streaming down her face.

“When you told me that you got yours when we touched each other that first time, I just… I thought that there was something wrong with me that I didn’t get my mark. So, I drew it on my arm every day. I really liked talking to you and I thought that we made sense together. That’s why I went along with it.”

“But your mark is real?” she said, cautiously touching his arm.

“Yeah, now it is. It only appeared like three months ago.”

“Oh.” Natalia fell silent after that.

“Yeah…”

“Who did you get your mark for?” Kevin winced and decided to avoid her question.

“I’d rather not talk about that right now… I’m still trying to sort it out, myself. The point is, I don’t think we’re meant to be together, Nat. You’re a really sweet girl and you made being in a relationship so easy. But, we’re not right for each other. When did you meet Bill?”

“A day or two after I met you,” she mumbled, not meeting his eyes.

“And did your mark appear when you guys touched for the first time?”

“…Yes,” she admitted. Kevin sighed, but offered her a sad smile.

“Bill is a great guy. I think he’d treat you right. You guys are already good friends too, which helps a lot. Plus, you already know he’s a good kisser,” Kevin teased with a crooked smile. Natalia sighed.

“I’m sorry for wasting your time, Kevin. I just really had my heart set on you when we met and—“

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, it’s okay. I gotta admit, I had my heart set on you too, at first. That’s why I lied. But it wasn’t a waste. I got to know a lovely girl and I gained a friend through it all. I wouldn’t call that a waste of my time,” he told her earnestly.

“How are you so sweet?” she sniffled with a hint of a smile on her face.

“I try,” he teased lightly.

“You’re going to make whoever your soulmate mark is for really happy, you know that?”

“I hope so.” They hugged one more time, officially ending things on good terms. They wished each other luck in their romantic pursuits and promised to remain friends. When his now ex-girlfriend left his room, Kevin flopped down on his bed, letting out a deep breath, feeling more relieved than anything. One problem down. An infinite amount of problems left…

When Chris walked into Kevin’s room to head to choir with him a couple hours later, he found Kevin still sprawled out on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. Once the boy filled Chris in on what happened, Chris gave him a hug and told him everything would work out eventually.

“Don’t get too down about it. In fact, you probably already know who your soulmate is. You’ll figure it out,” Chris said nonchalantly. The thing was, Kevin wasn’t really sad, per say. Nor did he actually feel empty. He just felt…different. He had no girlfriend or relationship tying him down to anything. It was simultaneously relieving and unnerving. They made their way over to the Chapel, meeting Connor inside.

“We have a single man on our hands now,” Chris announced teasingly with a shit-eating grin plastered on his face.

“You broke up with Natalia?” Connor asked with an unreadable expression on his face.

“Yeah, it was mutual though. Apparently, she and Bill kissed, and her mark was for him anyway. So, it all worked out and we’re still on good terms,” Kevin explained. Connor smiled.

“Good. Well, I’m sure you’ll figure out who the right person is for you soon,” Connor said nonchalantly. Kevin looked away.

“Yeah, maybe…” Their conversation was forced to stop there because Brian called them over to start rehearsal.

“Okay everyone! We’ll start with our warmups and then you can pull out _Up Good Christen Folk and Listen_. Barb, could you give me F Major, please?” Brian requested. Kevin wasn’t sure what the bubbling in his stomach meant, so he decided to just ignore it for the time being.

_Everything will work itself out eventually._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It finally happened, y'all. Haha hope you enjoyed! :)


	9. Friends Cuddle, Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for reading, leaving kudos, and/or commenting! :)

The next day, Arnold decided that before they all leave for Thanksgiving break the coming week, they should have a movie night with all of their friends. Therefore, on their last Friday night before break, Kevin found himself in the Metson Student Union with Arnold, Connor, Chris, David, James, Naba, and a few more of Arnold’s friends from Gaming club. Arnold decided not to invite Natalia and Bill, since the breakup was just yesterday, although mutual. Kevin was secretly happy about his best friend’s intuition, feeling that it would probably still be awkward for a while. He and Arnold had elected to do it in the Student Commons, due to the larger number of people who would be coming. They arranged the couches in front of the television, and everyone scrambled to get one. Kevin was able to nab a two-seater with Connor, as were most of the attendees, only leaving David and one of Arnold’s Gaming club friends to sit on the floor. Arnold had insisted that they watch a new action movie that had recently come out on DVD. Kevin agreed only if they could watch the new live-action _Beauty and the Beast_ film first. So that was the plan for the night. The boys had used up some of their extra dining dollars and bought a few flatbread pizzas to share from the café in side the building, as well as a couple bags of popcorn. Grabbing a slice of pizza, and a handful of popcorn, Kevin settled down into his seat, balancing his plate on his lap. Connor did the same, keeping a friendly distance between the two. Kevin watched the Disney film reverently, tearing up at a few parts.

By the end of that film, all of the food was gone, which isn’t surprising considering it was split between ten nineteen to twenty-one-year olds. Before he started his movie, Arnold ran back into the café to get more snack foods. Kevin was starting to feel a little drowsy by this point, but decided to stay for the next movie, as to not be a party pooper. No longer hungry, Kevin just sunk himself down into the couch and tried to enjoy himself. He truly had no interest in the movie, but figured he should stay, especially since Arnold was nice enough to let him watch _Beauty and the Beast_ first. However, he couldn’t help that he just kept feeling more and more tired as the movie went on.

Connor had noticed that Kevin seemed to be zoning out during the movie, and he definitely noticed that the boy was slowly getting closer to him on the couch. There was a small amount of space between them the way it was, but as Kevin kept adjusting himself on the couch, the distance between their legs was shrinking. About forty or so minutes into the movie, Connor felt Kevin’s leg up against his. Not that he was complaining… Connor smiled to himself and quietly enjoyed the feeling of Kevin so close to him. A few more minutes went by and Connor was startled to feel Kevin’s head plop on his shoulder. His eyes went wide at the sensation of the taller boy’s soft breaths on his neck. Trying not to laugh at the ridiculous situation and let Kevin sleep in peace, Connor forced himself to pay attention to the movie. However, that was short lived as after ten minutes, Kevin progressed to nuzzling Connor’s neck, sighing contently as he did so. Connor closed his eyes happily, resisting the urge to put his arm around Kevin and pull him closer. He didn’t want Kevin to freak out and was thanking Heavenly Father for Kevin’s subconscious to at least want him. That was also short lived as Kevin regained enough consciousness to realize what he was doing. Connor felt Kevin tense up.

_What the hell am I doing?_ Kevin thought, panicked. _I shouldn’t be cuddling with Connor. That’s not something a friend does with another friend. Although… he doesn’t seem to care… and he’s really comfy… and I’m really tired…_

Kevin’s thoughts were all over the place, until they were barely there at all. Kevin gave in to his exhausted state and remained cuddled into Connor with a small smile on his face. This time, Connor put his arm around Kevin and let his head fall onto Kevin’s, resting his eyes as well. Arnold noticed the sweet position the boys were in and left his own cuddling with Naba to excuse himself to “get a drink.” As he approached the boys on the couch, he discretely took a photo of the two of them. On his way over to the café, Arnold texted the picture to Connor, deciding not to share it with Kevin. Not yet. As he was waiting in line to check out, Arnold’s phone buzzed. Connor had sent him a smiley face in response. Arnold texted a reply.

**-Don’t show that to Kevin yet, okay? The last time I suggested feelings to him, he kind of flipped out. But he’s definitely into you, don’t worry.**

The reply came almost instantly.

**-I won’t. And I hope you’re right, Arn…**

Arnold smiled sadly at his phone.

**-I know I am. It just might take some time.**

Back in his seat, Connor sighed. He knew Kevin still wasn’t accepting the fact that he was gay, let alone that they were soulmates, but it was nice to pretend for a few minutes that they actually were together. But, of course, his fantasy was shattered by the true reality. But he chose to believe Arnold’s saying that it would happen eventually. And Connor was willing to wait. He believed that Kevin was worth it, despite his roommate Brett’s beliefs. Brett thought Connor should just move on, but Connor disagreed. Plus, at least Kevin had finally broken up with Natalia. That was a step in the right direction, if nothing else. He looked down at the boy sleeping on his shoulder and smiled.

_Yes, he is definitely worth it._

\--o0o--

Connor somehow convinced Kevin to take a self-defense class with him that was being offered at Mother Mary the following day for five dollars.

“I can take care of myself, thank you very much,” Kevin sniffed. Connor rolled his eyes.

“I’m sure you could, but it’s better to be safe than sorry. Come on, it’ll be two hours of your life and five dollars. You’re not losing much,” Connor deadpanned.

“Fine,” Kevin huffed, giving in to Connor’s request. So, a little before noon, Kevin found himself leaving McConnell Hall to go to the Metson Student Union, where the class was being held. He met up with Connor inside the building soon after he got there. Once the class started, everyone was instructed to pair up, so obviously Kevin and Connor decided to be partners. The class was pretty easy to understand, and Kevin was actually having a lot of fun, to his surprise. The first half of the class was made up of learning how to get out of scenarios where you’re attacked while standing up. The boys were able to get out of each other’s grasps from behind, they learned how to protect themselves as if they were attacked by a knife or if they were getting choked, they learned how to properly kick with their feet and shins, and how to hammer punch someone. If it were with anyone else, except maybe Arnold, Kevin didn’t think he would have had half the amount of fun he had practicing with Connor. They lightly joked around with each other throughout the lesson, still paying attention, of course, but making it more enjoyable. However, things quickly got awkward though in the second half of the class. This is when things went down… literally, down to the floor.

“Okay, good job so far. Now we’re moving on to the next part of our class. You guys got pretty good at defending yourselves on your feet, but you might find yourselves on the ground in a life or death, or rape situation. So, if that happens, you’re going to want to do this,” the instructor demonstrated with one of the students. “Now practice that move with your partners. One of you is going to be on the floor while your partner gets on top of you. This is reality. I’m not going to sugarcoat anything. I want you to learn this to protect yourselves and survive. Go on and practice. I’ll be walking around, making sure you’re doing it right.”

Kevin and Connor looked at each other and laughed nervously.

“This is totally professional,” Connor stated.

“Absolutely,” Kevin affirmed. “Uh, I guess I’ll go first.” Kevin laid on the carpet and looked up at Connor. The boy hovered over him until settling down onto Kevin’s hips.

“Alright, so I’m attacking you. Bam. Bam. Bam,” Connor imitated throwing punches at Kevin. “What do you do?” Kevin stated each action as he did them. He kneed Connor’s butt, to make him lose his balance and fall onto him. He then pinned Connor’s left arm to himself, looped his left leg around Connor’s right, put his right hand on Connor’s hip, and pushed, effectively flipping them over and pinning him down.

“Good job! Then you punch me in my dick,” Connor laughed. They switched places and practiced a few more time with each other until the instructor moved onto a difference scenario and demonstrated it.

“Nice work, everyone. Now, the attacker might not always be on top of you. They sometimes might be in between your legs. What you want to do then is push them away by putting your feet on their hips, stomach, wherever. If you keep your feet there, they can’t get at you any closer. You can then kick them. Another move, if they get past your feet before you can attack them, is to do the same knee trick as the previous scenario and then wrap your legs around their back. Then you’re going to want to get their head down, get their arms pinned, and get them into a choke hold. Try it with your partners now.”

Connor laid down first and spread his legs, allowing Kevin to get in between them. They both successfully practiced the move on each other, much to their pleasure. After a little bit, the instructor moved on to the next scenario.

“Now, if your attacker is up above your hips, sitting on your chest, you can’t effectively reach them to do anything to protect yourself, can you? What you’re going to want to do is put your hands together, press them against your attacker, and skootch yourself out from under him enough to do the steps we learned before. Try it.”

As Kevin laid down, his hair got in his eyes. He swiped at his hair a few times, but the strands weren’t budging. Once Connor was situated on Kevin’s chest, he noticed the boy’s struggle.

“Here,” he delicately picked up the strands of hair and placed them away from Kevin’s eyes. Kevin’s breath caught. “You can’t fight like that, now can you?” Connor said with a small smile. Kevin smiled back at him when he remembered how to breathe again. They continued on with the class, joking around like they were before. However, Kevin could not get rid of the nagging feeling inside his head asking him why he was affected the way he was when Connor fixed his hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! :) That last section had things that are actually taught in a self defense class, and the interactions and dialogue may or may not have been pulled from what I experienced with a guy I didn't know while taking said class at my own college. Haha 
> 
> Sorry these last two were a bit shorter, but the next couple will be longer, so hopefully that makes up for it. Let me know what you think!


	10. Two Family Dinners and Round Two of Cuddling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thanks for reading, commenting, and/or leaving kudos! :)

After classes on Monday, Kevin, Connor, and Chris headed over to the cafeteria lounge to hang out before meeting the rest of the choir members for Friendsgiving. Every year, Mother Mary holds a free Thanksgiving feast the Monday night before break, and this year, the choir managers and Brian proposed that the choir went to it as a group before their pre-Thanksgiving rehearsal. The three boys laughed over stupid stuff before entering the already filled cafeteria to look for the choir table. They could barely see over the mass of people eagerly awaiting the start of the meal. Luckily, Kevin’s phone buzzed with an email from Kathryn.

**Hi everyone! We have a choir table in the cafeteria for Friendsgiving. We are at the far end of the cafeteria, away from the bridge, in the corner by the dessert table and the two icons.**

It’s times like this when Kevin is grateful that he has notifications turned on for his school email. Using her instructions, they were able to easily find the table and joined the members who were there already. After some small talk, the buffet finally opened up and everyone rushed to get into one of the two lines. They got a decent spot in line, much to their delight. Kevin, Connor, and Chris all joked around and amused themselves as the line slowly moved along. When they finally got to the table, they were all in awe of the food in front of them. They filled their plates with mashed potatoes, corn, stuffing, ziti, dinner rolls, hand carved turkey, sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, and cranberry sauce.

As students filled their plates, the band and female singer in the middle of the cafeteria started to perform. They started off with a rendition of _Save the Last Dance for Me._ They were actually very good. A few students began to dance by the performers. Kevin, Connor, Chris, and a few other choir members made it back to their table and began to dig in.

“This is probably the best dinner Mother Mary has. I fucking love Friendsgiving,” Chris practically moaned. Kevin and Connor stifled their laughs at their friend’s dramatics, but they had to admit. It **was** a very good dinner.

Most of the choir members ended up joining the table for the "family" dinner and everyone seemed to have a really great time. The hour and a half of eating, telling stories, and laughing passed rather quickly. Soon enough, everyone started to make their way over to the Chapel for choir rehearsal. Since everyone was kind of tired and the songs were going admittedly very well over the past few practices, Brian only required Chorale to practice for an hour and a half and told Schola to just review by themselves.

“Good job, everyone! Please review your music and rest your voices. And thank you for joining our family dinner tonight!” Brian smiled. As everyone began to clear out, Kevin caught Connor’s eye and the two shared a smile. Kevin didn’t understand the little flutters he felt in his stomach whenever Connor smiled at him— a smile, mind you, that Kevin swore to Heavenly Father he only saw Connor give him. But, whatever. It was fine. Kevin was fine. Things are normal. It’s just two bros sharing a special smile with one another. Nothing wrong with that.

Right?

\--o0o--

Kevin was thrilled, to say the least, to go home for Thanksgiving break. As much as he’d loved Mother Mary and he’d miss his friends at school, he was happy to be around his family again. He and Connor both got tickets home for Utah, getting seats next to each other to make the plane ride more bearable. After their classes were finished on Tuesday, the boys headed to the Lehigh Valley International Airport with their luggage. They had about a six-and-a-half-hour flight together, so both boys were glad to have a friend along with him. Once they were seated, they fell into easy conversation. Kevin insisted on buying wifi so that they could watch a movie together on Netflix to take up some time. Connor obliged and took advantage of the wifi to take a picture of the two of them to post on his Snapchat story. The picture was quite cute, if Connor did say so himself. Their faces were practically smushed together (given the small amount of space they had on the plane) and the two had huge grins on their faces, with the caption “Salt Lake City, here we come!” They talked quietly with each other for a little longer, before opening Connor’s Netflix app and selecting _Zootopia_. They shared a set of earbuds and laughed quietly with the movie. When it was over, Connor brought up YouTube and they took turns selecting videos to watch. Once they were sick of watching videos, Kevin stole Connor’s phone and took more pictures using the Snapchat app. They took a few silly pictures together and Kevin posed for a few selfies, making Connor laugh. Of course, Kevin took this opportunity to take a covert picture of Connor and sent it to himself.

 _For blackmail,_ he told himself.

After that though, Kevin felt himself yawning.

“We still have about two more hours of our flight left,” said Connor after checking the time. “Why don’t you take advantage of it and sleep a little. You seem tired.” Kevin smiled at Connor’s caring suggestion.

“Yeah, I think I might take you up on that actually. But I didn’t bring a pillow…” Kevin frowned. “I’m going to have a kink in my neck if I don’t support it.” Connor chuckled.

“Why don’t you just use my shoulder?” he suggested. Kevin looked apprehensive. “I honestly don’t mind. I figured I’d read a bit of my book while you sleep. Plus, my shoulder is comfier than nothing,” Connor teased. Kevin sighed.

“Okay, fine, since you offered. Thank you,” Kevin smiled shyly. Kevin awkwardly tried to situate himself on Connor’s shoulder without touching him too much. Connor rolled his eyes.

“I don’t bite,” Connor said sarcastically. Kevin blushed.

“I know that!” he whispered indignantly. He finally said ‘screw it’ and properly laid his head on Connor’s shoulder. Connor smiled at the contact.

“See, it’s not so bad, now is it?” Connor teased. Kevin huffed in response, but Connor felt him smile against his shoulder, so it didn’t have the effect Kevin had hoped it would. The boys sat in a comfortable silence with each other, the only noise coming from the pair was the occasional page turn from Connor. Kevin felt himself start to drift off. In all honesty, he actually was pretty comfortable on Connor’s shoulder. He felt at peace and weirdly safe with the boy. He didn’t know how to take those feelings, so he chose not to question them. Instead, he focused on Connor’s breathing and fell asleep, feeling better than he thought he ever had before.

Kevin awoke two hours later to Connor gently calling his name and tapping his hand. Feeling groggy and out of it, Kevin blinked open his eyes to see Connor’s smile. His heart skipped a beat. Ignoring that, he smiled back at his friend. Connor whispered two more words.

“We’re home.” Kevin’s smile got even brighter, warming Connor’s heart. Kevin still had about an hour until he got home, since he lived in Perry, but Connor only had a few minutes, since he lived just outside Salt Lake City in Woods Cross. The pair went through the process of leaving the airport but stopped before they reached their families outside. Connor shyly looked up at Kevin. Kevin smiled at him but didn’t know what was going through the other boy’s head.

“Well, I hope you have a very happy Thanksgiving, Kev,” Connor smiled sweetly.

“I hope you do as well, Connor. Keep in touch over the holidays, okay?” Kevin asked with a smile of his own. Connor grinned.

“Will do! Believe me, you’ll hear from me plenty before we get on the plane back to PA. You’ll probably be sick of me by the end of it,” Connor teased.

“I could never get sick of you,” Kevin said a little too seriously, Connor cocked his head slightly with a small smile. Kevin cleared his throat. “Anyway, I’ll see you soon.” With that, the boys hugged goodbye, for perhaps a few seconds too long.

“See ya, Kev.” They then parted ways, heading to their respective families. Connor broke out into a sprint when he saw his sister, Shannon. The two embraced lovingly when they met. “Shannon! God, I’ve missed you so much!” Connor exclaimed, kissing the top of her head. His sister laughed.

“I missed you too, Con!” She then got a sly look in her eyes and whispered into Connor’s ear, ”Who was that boy that you hugged back there? Is he your boyfriend?” Connor chuckled. For a ten-year-old, his sister was very astute.  

“Not quite. I’ll tell you more later, okay?” Connor smiled lovingly at her. She grinned back up at him.

“’Kay!” Connor gave her one more hug before moving to his parents, who had let their children greet each other first. His mother pulled him into a tight, but loving hug before his father did the same. They fawned over him and asked him about his classes and friends, as if Connor didn’t call his mom at least once a day (which he did). Still, Connor immensely enjoyed his reunion with his family. They piled into the family car not long after, heading home.

Kevin’s reunion was pretty similar. His parents both pulled him into a hug once they saw him walk through the crowd. They were equally excited as Connor’s parents. Jack, who was currently a high school senior, had hugged Kevin hello, as did his seven-year-old sister, Ariana. They piled into the Price’s minivan and started the long trek home. While both boys were excited to go back to their homes, they couldn’t help but think of each other on the way back.

\--o0o--

Kevin woke up early Thursday morning, feeling the usual excitement of the holiday. He got dressed into old clothes for the time being, deciding to change into a nicer polo and pair of jeans later when his extended family came over. For now, he had cooking to do with his mother. It was a tradition for Kevin and his mom to make the dinner together. Ariana would “help” here and there, but it was mostly Kevin and his mom who did the bulk of the work. Jack and their father accepted that they were no use in the kitchen and kept out of the way, only really helping with setting the table, entertaining their guests, and cutting the turkey. But they didn’t mind. Secretly, Kevin was happy it was just him and his mom doing the work every year. It was kind of a fun bonding time for the two. While Kevin loved and got along with his father and siblings just fine, he was the closest with his mother. They had already done some of the work the night before after Kevin got him, like the stuffing and some of the desserts, but there was still a lot of work left to get accomplished. They worked diligently, laughing, talking, and watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade on the television in the background all the while.

As it came closer to the time that their family would be arriving, they started to have a little less messy work to be done. With some casseroles in the oven, next to the turkey that has been cooking for the past seven hours, Kevin and his mom left the kitchen momentarily to get changed into nicer clothing. They instructed Mr. Price to keep an eye on the oven while they were gone, which he slightly panicked at. As Kevin got dressed, he checked his phone to discover a multitude of messages in the group chat he shared with his Mother Mary friends. Everyone was wishing each other a Happy Thanksgiving. Kevin sent his own message, when he realized he also got a text from Connor outside of their group chat.

**-Happy Thanksgiving Kev! I hope you’re having a great day! I just wanted to let you know that I’m really thankful to have you as my friend. :)**

Kevin beamed down at his phone and typed out a reply.

**-Happy Thanksgiving, Con! The feeling is mutual—I’m really grateful to have you as my friend as well! My day’s been really good so far! My mom and I are just about finished making dinner (which we eat closer to lunchtime than dinnertime haha). How about you?**

Kevin pocketed his phone and headed down the stairs to finish cooking. He accepted the apron his mom gave him and was happy to discover that nothing burned while they were gone. As he started making the mashed potatoes, he felt his phone buzz in his back pocket. He resisted the urge to check it until they were finished.

**-Nice, I’m glad to hear that! My grandparents still host it, so we’re on our way to their house in Riverton. So Shannon and I have been annoying our parents with our renditions of songs on the radio the whole way to. Lololol**

Kevin snorted.

**-I’m sure they’ve been beautiful. ;P**

**-Oh, absolutely. ;)**

His phone buzzed a few seconds later with a second message.

**-Are you up to anything tomorrow? I’m looking for a shopping buddy.**

Kevin felt his heart speed up… for some reason… The Prices usually skipped out on Black Friday shopping, usually a bit too tired from the Thanksgiving festivities. But he didn’t want to tell Connor that without being sure. He opened his mouth to ask his mom if they were doing anything but was interrupted by the sounds of his grandparents and aunts and uncles entering their home. He and his mother ran out into the living room to greet their guests, before popping back into the kitchen to do the final last-minute preparations.

“Hey, Mom? We don’t have any plans for tomorrow, do we?” Kevin asked, hopefully.

“Probably not. Why do you ask?”

“My friend from school, Connor— the one I flew home with- asked me if I wanted to go Black Friday shopping with him.” Mrs. Price smiled at her son.

“Well, if you want to go, I don’t have any problems with it. Where does he live?”

“He lives in Woods Cross. I’m guessing we’d probably be shopping in the Salt Lake City area.”

“Sounds like fun. Just be careful, okay, honey?”

“I will. Thanks, Mom!” Kevin smiled as he pulled out his phone one more time before he brought out the food with his mother.

**-I am busy, actually. I’m spending the day with one Connor McKinley. :)**

Once again, his phone buzzed almost immediately.

**-Awesome! Hahaha I’ll text you the details and my address later. Looking forward to spending the day with you! :))**

Kevin replied, feeling excitement bubble in his stomach.

**-Likewise! I’m sure we’ll have a great time!**

Having procrastinated enough the way it was, Kevin put his phone on silent and finally brought out the last of the food, so they could begin their feast. He always loved the holidays. He loved catching up with his family members, playing games with them, and just simply spending time with them. But something about this Thanksgiving seemed just a little bit better than others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My college always hosts a Friendsgiving before we leave for break too, and it's always a ton of fun with surprisingly great food! My choir also has gone together as a group for the past two years. Additionally, my mom and I always make the Thanksgiving lunch/dinner together with the Parade and Dog Show going on in the background, so @me for taking from my own experiences again. Hahaha 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Let me know! :)


	11. You Love Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, commenting, and/or leaving kudos! Enjoy! :)

Kevin woke up early the next morning with excitement swirling in his stomach. He plugged Connor’s address into his phone’s GPS and drove towards Woods Cross around 5am.  Finally, he pulled up to Connor’s house and texted him to let him know he was there. When the door opened, he saw a ten-year-old girl run ahead of the redhead he was so fond of. Kevin got out of the car to greet the pair when Shannon nearly attacked Kevin into a hug, with Connor laughing behind her.

“Hi, I’m Shannon! You must be Kevin. Con literally won’t stop talking about you, so you better make him happy,” Shannon rambled on as Connor blushed behind her. Kevin laughed good-naturedly.

“Hi, Shannon! Connor has told me a lot about you too, ya know. He clearly adores you. And I really hope I can make him happy,” Kevin said teasingly, throwing Connor a wink. Connor was shocked.

_Is Kevin flirting with me?_

Connor decided to just brush it off for the time being.

“Alright, well, we should probably get going. Shannon get back inside and go back to sleep for goodness sake. I’ll make sure Kevin stops in when we get back before he goes home,” Connor lovingly fluffed his sister’s hair. Shannon smiled up at Kevin, giving him another hug. Then she turned to Connor and gave him an even bigger hug, whispering in his ear to have fun with his “boyfriend.” Connor blushed at that, but kissed her on the cheek goodbye, nonetheless. After they made sure Shannon went back inside, the two boys got into Connor’s car. “You ready to Black Friday shop, Salt Lake City style?” Connor smiled over at Kevin. Kevin grinned.

“Bring it on.”                                                                                             

Once they got into the city a few minutes later, the first place they hit up, at Kevin’s insistence, was Starbucks. Which was fine, since it was right by the City Creek Center that they’d be starting their day in anyway. Kevin ordered a grande Caramel Macchiato, while Connor custom ordered a grande Butterbeer Frappuccino, using a recipe he found online. Once the boys got their drinks, they started walking over to City Creek Center.

“Honestly, Connor. I can’t believe you got a frozen drink in this weather,” Kevin teased, burrowing his nose into his scarf. Connor laughed at the cute sight and shrugged his shoulders.

“There’s never a bad time for frozen drinks—or ice cream for that matter,” He smiled over at Kevin, who moved on to taking a long sip of his coffee. “Besides, it’s delicious and it tastes exactly how I imagined Butterbeer would taste like from the books.” Kevin perked up at that.

“Really? Could I try it?” Connor burst out laughing.

“You were just busting me a minute ago for wanting a frozen drink, and now you want to taste it. Hypocrite,” Connor teased. Kevin huffed.

“Well I’m sorry that you made it sound so appetizing. I’ll let you take a sip of my coffee if I can have a sip of yours,” Kevin offered hopefully. Connor made a face.

“Bleh, no thanks. You can try mine, but I’m not taking any of that bean juice of yours.” Kevin snorted in response but smiled at Connor appreciatively. Connor watched as Kevin’s lips wrapped around his straw, imagining what his lips would feel like on his own lips. Then Kevin made an ungodly sound after he presumably tasted the drink. Connor swallowed as he focused on turning off the feelings he was currently having. He was pulled from his focus as Kevin nearly moaned,

“Oh my God, Connor. This tastes freaking amazing!” It was at this moment that Connor began to wonder how in Heavenly Father’s name he was going to make it through the day. Nonetheless, Connor put on a smile.

“I told you so. Now give me back my drink, you’re not stealing it from me,” he teased. Kevin pouted, but gave Connor his drink back.

“Whatever, it’s still too cold for it,” Kevin childishly retorted. Connor rolled his eyes.

“That’s not what you were saying a few minutes ago,” Connor muttered, just loud enough for Kevin to hear. Kevin ignored him and the two kept walking to the mall area. Once they were inside, Kevin nearly squealed.

“Oh my gosh, Connor! We have to go to the Disney store! Please, Con, please?” Kevin begged, staring down Connor with puppy dog eyes. Connor couldn’t help but smile sweetly at Kevin’s excitement.

“Sure, Kev, we can go in,” Connor barely got to finish his statement as Kevin plowed into him with a bear hug. Connor’s eyes widened at the initial impact, but he quickly relaxed into the hug. He smiled against Kevin’s neck, smelling the boy’s aftershave mixed in with his own Kevin scent of coffee, vanilla, and spice. It was intoxicating.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you! You’re the best!” Kevin exclaimed, still hugging Connor. Kevin lingered in the hug, shamelessly enjoying the feeling of Connor pressed up against him and the tickle of his breath on Kevin’s neck. He noted that Connor smelled earthy with a hint of lavender and nutmeg. He breathed in deeply, enjoying the scent for just another minute before reluctantly pulling away. He smiled at Connor, who smiled back at him.

“Come on, let’s go!” Kevin exclaimed. He grabbed Connor’s hand and started sprinting in the direction of the store. Connor laughed and allowed Kevin to lead him through the crowd, trying to ignore the tingling feeling in the hand that was occupied by one Kevin Price’s hand. Once they entered the store, Kevin let go of Connor’s hand in favor of sprinting towards a Mickey Mouse display. Connor watched him for a while with a smile on his face. Kevin’s child-like enthusiasm for all things Disney may have annoyed some people, but Connor found it endearing. An adult section of the store caught Connor’s attention. After a quick glance to make sure Kevin was still distracted, he slipped over to the display of men’s apparel. Then, Connor found a light blue striped tie covered with tiny Mickey Mouse heads. It was originally $40, but thanks to a miraculous Black Friday sale, it was now 65% off. It was perfect for Kevin. The boy was obsessed with everything Disney, especially Mickey. Plus, it was a functional gift that Kevin would be able to use a lot. Even better, it was a gift that didn’t demand too much of their relationship. It was a thoughtful gift, but not over the top. Connor checked over his shoulder to see Kevin talking animatedly to a little girl and her mother. With the go-ahead, Connor snuck over to the register and bought the tie. He slipped the (thankfully) small bag into a pocket inside his coat and waited by the entrance for Kevin to finish up his shopping. A few minutes later, Kevin emerged from the store with a bag. Connor’s heart rate spiked, hoping Kevin didn’t see any of the ties. He put on a smile and tried to shove away his nerves.

“Get anything good?” Connor asked. Kevin grinned.

“Heck yes! My little sister Ariana is obsessed with _The Lion King_ and they had the cutest Simba stuffed animal!” Kevin took out the stuffed pig to show Connor. Connor nearly breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that was the only thing Kevin bought. He examined the lion and cracked a smile.

“That actually is really cute! I think she’ll love it,” Connor told Kevin earnestly.  Kevin smiled back at him.

“I hope so!” The boys walked around the mall some more, going into various stores to find presents for their families. They both found some really good deals and already felt like they had a good head on shopping by the time they were hungry for lunch.

“So, I think we’re done in this mall, so it’s up to you if you wanna grab lunch around here or somewhere else. I could eat pretty much anything. I was thinking of hitting up the Valley Fair Mall next, if that’s alright with you?” Connor proposed his idea to Kevin. The boy smiled at him.

“Sure, that’s great! And we can look up what’s in the area,” Kevin suggested. He pulled out his phone and searched for restaurants between City Creek Center and Valley Fair. Kevin’s eyes lit up. “Ooo, there’s an Applebee’s by Valley Fair, if you wanna go there?” Kevin asked, but his eyes were clearly hopeful. Connor chuckled.

“Yeah, I could go for some Applebee’s. Let’s go,” He smiled and the pair walked to Connor’s car. The two sang along to the radio on the way to the restaurant, which was only about fifteen minutes away. Once they parked, they already were in high spirits and practically skipped over to the door. Kevin held the door open for Connor, which the boy blushed a little at. They got a table together and immediately scanned the menu, although both boys had an idea of what they were going to order. Not long after they were seated, their waitress came by to get their drink orders. Kevin ordered a Strawberry Quencher Lemonade, while Connor just asked for a water. When she came back with their beverages, they were ready to order their food. Connor was craving a Quesadilla Burger, so he ordered that with no lettuce. Kevin had the simple order of the Chicken Tenders Basket. They talked happily with each other until their food arrived. Starving from the six hours of shopping that they had already done, the boys dug into their food, with very little conversation in between. However, Kevin looked up from his chicken tenders as Connor began laughing.

“What’s so funny?” Kevin asked, confused. Connor smirked at him.

“You’re a messy eater when you’re really hungry. You have a glob of mustard right…here.” Connor leaned over the table and wiped off the mustard that was right above Kevin’s lip with his thumb, making him blush. Seeing this, Connor decided to take it a step further and licked the mustard off, smiling coyly when he saw that Kevin got even redder. “All better,” Connor grinned. Kevin mumbled a thank you, clearly still affected by Connor’s actions. A few minutes passed before Connor heard Kevin scoff.

“You know, you’re one to talk,” Kevin chided. Connor raised an eyebrow.

“What do you mean?” Kevin rolled his eyes.

“You have food on your face too.” He reached over the table and wiped his mustard covered finger on Connor’s cheek. “Right there,” Kevin smirked as Connor burst out laughing.

“You’re a dick, you know that?” Connor teased, wiping his cheek with his napkin.

“You love me,” Kevin grinned, before realizing what he said. “I- I mean-“

“I do,” Connor interrupted, all signs of teasing gone from his face. He had an almost sad smile on his face. Kevin swallowed, trying to think of what to say. Connor beat him to it. “You’re my best friend,” he saved.

 _You could be more, but that’s a conversation for another day,_ Connor added in his head.

Kevin smiled.

“You’re my best friend too… other than Arnold.” Connor laughed.

“Wow, I’m honored, truly,” he said, winking. Kevin laughed as well. The rest of their lunch went off without a hitch and after paying their bill and leaving a tip, the boys got back into Connor’s car and drove the short distance to Valley Fair Mall. While there, they mostly targeted the department stores like JCPenney, but also peaked into a few clothing and shoe stores. By the time they felt too tired to continue shopping, it was 5pm. Kevin tried to stifle a yawn on the way back to Connor’s house, but failed. Connor noticed and frowned but didn’t say anything.

_I don’t think I want him to drive an hour home like this… Maybe I can talk to Mom and Dad about letting him stay for the night. He’s going to pop in to say hi to Shannon anyway._

Connor was milling his thoughts around in his head for the entire short ride home. Neither boy was saying much anyway, due to their drowsiness. Once they pulled into Connor’s driveway, the two boys got out of the car.

“Don’t forget to pop in to say hi to Shannon! You can meet my parents too, if you want,” Connor said with a smile. Kevin beamed back.

“Of course!” Kevin felt both thrilled and nervous to meet the parents of his best friend. Why? He wasn’t quite sure… Connor opened the door and the two boys walked into the McKinley’s living room.

“Make yourself at home!” He gestured to the couch with a smile. “I’ll send Shannon in and go get my parents.” With that, Connor left Kevin alone in the room for the time being. Kevin sat down on the couch and studied his surroundings. The McKinley household was a modest, but large enough house. It was nicely furnished, but clearly lived in. It felt very homey. A few minutes passed and Kevin’s reflections on the home were interrupted by Connor’s sister, who was thrilled to see him again. The two talked amicably for a while. She reminded Kevin a lot of Connor. He could see why they got along so well and how they were so close. He was just starting to wonder where Connor got to when he appeared in the archway with his mom and dad.

“Mr. and Mrs. McKinley! Hello, I’m Connor’s friend Kevin. It’s very nice to meet you!” Kevin smiled politely and extended his hand out to them. Connor’s mom laughed and pulled him into a hug instead, which Kevin happily returned. Mr. McKinley clapped Kevin on the shoulder.

“So, Kevin, Connor tells us you live in Perry?” asked Mr. McKinley. Kevin nodded his head, affirming the statement.

“That was very nice of you to drive so far to spend the day with Connor,” Mrs. McKinley smiled. Behind her, Kevin saw Connor blush. Kevin grinned at her.

“Well, it was really nice of Connor to invite me to go Black Friday shopping with him! I had a great time! You’ve raised a very kind and caring son. I’m proud to have him as my best friend,” Kevin boasted. Connor looked at the ground, smiling, a bit embarrassed. His parents smiled proudly.

“Our Connor really is an amazing boy, isn’t he?” Mrs. McKinley beamed. At Kevin’s agreement, she continued on. “In fact, he’s very thoughtful in that he doesn’t want you to drive home after such a long day, and neither do we.” Kevin looked surprised. “You can stay at our house for the night,” she added.

“Oh no, I couldn’t impose like that,” Kevin argued. Mr. and Mrs. McKinley shushed him.

“It’s not imposing, son. Our home is your home,” Mr. McKinley assured with a smile.

“That’s very kind of you, but really, I’m fine to go—“

“I saw you yawning on the car ride home, Kev,” Connor interrupted with a frown. Mrs. McKinley joined in.

“Besides, dear, it’s not so much a suggestion as us insisting. You’re staying here the night. We have extra toothbrushes that you can use, and I’m sure Connor will let you borrow anything else you need,” she said with a smile. Kevin sighed, but smiled, nonetheless.

“Okay. Thank you all very much.” Kevin called his parents after that to tell them that he’d be staying over at Connor’s for the night and he’d come home in the morning. They said that was fine and asked him to thank the McKinleys for them. For the rest of the evening, Kevin talked to Connor’s parents (about what he was studying, his family, etc.), played various games with Shannon and Connor, and shared dinner with the family. It all felt so strangely normal to Kevin. It felt like instead of the outsider he technically was, that he was a part of the McKinley family. He felt completely at ease with the people who were strangers one short day ago.

Kevin had to admit; it was a really nice feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is what the tie Connor bought looks like: https://www.shopdisney.com/mickey-mouse-striped-silk-tie-for-adults-blue-1470665
> 
> Here is the Simba stuffed animal that Kevin bought: https://www.shopdisney.com/simba-plush-the-lion-king-medium-17-1507687?pagePath=%2Ftoys%2Fplush-and-stuffed-animals&pageType=categoryPage&algorithm=filter%3Atrue%2Csort%3AD-gross_margin&position=11%2C18
> 
> This was one of the first full chapters I wrote, so it's really cool to finally share this (I do not write linearly at all, hence me waiting a year until I was finally done to post this)! Also, half of the chapters are up now, which is kind of insane to me. Haha Only 11 more to go!
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Let me know what you think! :)


	12. Just Do What Feels Right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, commenting, and/or leaving kudos! :)

Eventually, Connor and Kevin decided they should probably start getting ready for bed. Mrs. McKinley left out an unused toothbrush and a washcloth for Kevin, which he greatly appreciated. After he was done brushing his teeth and washing his face, he entered Connor’s room. The room perfectly reflected Connor’s personality and interests, but it was still mature at the same time. He had a few posters hanging up around the room. Kevin also noticed a bulletin board full of pictures and ticket stubs. In the pictures were Connor’s theatre friends, him and Shannon, and his family. Kevin almost missed the picture at the bottom of the board, but he was glad he didn’t. It was the candid picture that Chris had taken of the two of them on Halloween. Kevin felt a smile creep on his face as he looked at it. Connor entered the room to find Kevin staring at it.

“I think that’s my favorite picture of us,” Connor’s voice interrupted Kevin’s stream of thought. He startled a little but recovered quickly and turned around to smile at the redhead.

“Yeah, me too,” Kevin felt a fluttering in his chest. Connor crossed the room and stood in front of Kevin, looking at the picture thoughtfully, over the other’s shoulder.

“It’s such a simple fluke of a picture, but I think it captures us pretty perfectly.” Connor’s eyes darted to Kevin’s as he said this. Kevin gulped as he started to realize how close they were to each other. The feeling in his chest intensified and he felt his heartrate increase.

“It does,” he choked out. Connor said nothing but continued to stare into Kevin’s eyes with an unreadable expression. Kevin blinked slowly and stared back. Connor’s eyes then darted south, to what Kevin thought might have been his lips. He wasn’t sure if he was imagining it, but it seemed like the distance between him and Connor was slowly decreasing. The air suddenly felt tight and Kevin felt equally on edge and as though everything was as it should be. As he observed this, Kevin made no effort to move away from him. His eyes slowly began to close as his lips parted ever so slightly. He felt his body tilt towards Connor.  

“Have a good night, boys—don’t stay up too late!” Mrs. McKinley’s voice brought the two back to reality, startling them. They both jumped back, just as Connor’s mother appeared in the doorway, oblivious to the moment she just ruined. Connor snaked his hand behind his neck, embarrassed.

“Okay, Mom. Goodnight; love you!”

“I love you too, sweetheart! Goodnight, Kevin!”

“Goodnight, Mrs. McKinley! Thanks again for letting me stay the night!”

“Anytime, honey!” With that, she walked down the hallway into the master bedroom, closing the door. Still feeling awkward because of what just happened, Connor cleared his throat and turned his back to Kevin, using the excuse to go through his dresser.

“Here, you can use these for pajamas. The pants are a little long on me, so they should fit you alright and I think we’re probably the same shirt size.” Connor handed Kevin a pair of royal blue pajama pants with penguins on them and a black _Wicked_ t shirt.

“Perfect! Thanks, Con,” Kevin smiled appreciatively. Connor smiled back.

“No problem. I’m going to brush my teeth and stuff, so you can change while I’m gone.” Connor did not want to watch Kevin change, especially with the position they were currently in. Besides, he wanted to respect Kevin’s privacy anyway. He took his own pajamas with him to change into in the bathroom. When he returned, he felt like his heart nearly exploded. Kevin looked absolutely adorable. Connor could get used to seeing Kevin in his clothes.

“Well, the bed is yours. I’m going to sleep on the couch, but I just wanted to wish you a goodnight,” Connor smiled. Kevin frowned, looking confused. “What’s wrong?” Connor asked.

“Con, you have a full-sized bed,” Kevin stated. Connor furrowed his eyebrows, not losing his smile.

“Uh, yep. Enjoy it!” he laughed awkwardly, not knowing where Kevin was going with this.

“I’m not sleeping in your full-sized bed while you sleep on a couch,” Kevin deadpanned.

“Well, I’m certainly not letting **you** sleep on the couch,” retorted Connor, still confused.

“Why don’t we just share your bed?” Kevin asked. Connor froze. He wasn’t expecting that out of anything that could have possibly happened. Kevin continued. “The both of us can easily fit. Besides, it’s not like I’ve never fallen asleep next to you before,” Kevin joked.

“Are you comfortable with that?” Connor needed to make sure. Kevin scrunched his eyebrows together.

“Yeah? Why wouldn’t I be? You’re my best friend,” Kevin stated like it was obvious. Connor hesitated.

_Because you freaked out over us holding hands two months ago…_

“Just making sure… if you insist… I guess we could share it…” Connor still wasn’t sure how he felt about the situation. On one hand he was elated—who wouldn’t want to sleep next to their soulmate? And on the other, very similar hand, Kevin kept giving Connor mixed signals and he was afraid he would read too deeply into it. He obliged though, reminding himself that it was completely innocent. They situated themselves on the bed and pulled the blankets on top of their bodies. Both laid on their backs with a considerable amount of distance between them, not knowing what to do. Kevin broke the silence.

“Well, goodnight Connor. Thanks for the amazing day. I really did have a lot of fun with you today.” Connor turned his head on his pillow to find Kevin already looking at him with a smile on his face. Connor smiled back at him affectionately.

“I had a lot of fun with you too, Kev. Thanks for coming. Goodnight.” Connor felt Kevin grab his hand under the covers, giving it a squeeze. Connor squeezed back, and they released their hands. With that, Connor turned on his side with his back towards Kevin. As they fell asleep, both boys were acutely aware that they were slowly drifting closer and closer together on the bed. Neither boy minded though. In the middle of the night, Connor woke up to Kevin pressed up against his back with his arm draped over Connor’s waist, softly breathing into his hair. Connor smiled wistfully, relishing the feeling of the nonintimate intimacy. He tried to memorize the feeling of that moment. Of Kevin wearing Connor’s clothes, lying in Connor’s bed, cuddling with him. He didn’t think he had ever felt so content in his life. Connor soon drifted back into a peaceful sleep.

\--o0o--

When Connor woke up in the morning, he felt the absence of Kevin’s arms around him. He groaned, convinced that he had dreamed up the entire thing. That is, until he rolled over and found Kevin, still asleep. A smile spread across Connor’s face from the confirmation that yes, Kevin Price did sleep in Connor’s bed, wearing Connor’s clothing, most likely cuddling with him at some point in the night. He just stared at Kevin for a bit, taking in the boy’s features. He looked very much at peace, his mouth just barely agape, letting out small puffs of air. His hair was messy in an incredibly cute way, strands of hair scattered wildly across his forehead. Connor gently got out of his bed, careful not to wake Kevin up, and tiptoed out of his room to freshen up in the bathroom and get dressed for the day. When he was finished, he peaked back into his room to find Kevin still asleep. Deciding to let him sleep for a little longer, he went downstairs. Instead of finding his family, he found a note on the kitchen counter.

**_Connor,_ **

**_Shannon has an eye appointment in Salt Lake City today. We might grab lunch afterwards too. If we aren’t back before Kevin leaves, please tell him that your father and I were delighted to meet him, and we hope he comes back to visit over Christmas break. Please help yourselves to anything in the fridge or cabinet. Love you!_ **

**_~Mom_ **

Connor knew his dad was already at work for the day, so he and Kevin had the house to themselves for a couple hours. Connor decided to treat Kevin to a homemade breakfast of French toast and bacon. He quickly got to work, hoping to surprise Kevin in bed with it. Twenty minutes later, Connor opened his bedroom door to see Kevin blearily open his eyes.

“Surprise!” Connor beamed at Kevin. Kevin smiled back at him.

“Good morning to you too,” he teased. “What’s all this?”

“ **This** is me surprising you with breakfast in bed, silly,” Connor smiled at Kevin.

“Oh my gosh, Con. You didn’t have to do this for me!” Connor laughed.

“I know, but I wanted to. If it makes you feel better, I’m hungry, so it evens out,” Connor winked as Kevin turned pink.

“Well, thank you. It looks and smells delicious!” After Connor gave Kevin his plate, he briefly exited his room to retrieve his own plate. He then joined Kevin on the bed and ate his breakfast alongside him.

“Connor, I think this might be the best French toast I’ve ever had in my life,” Kevin raved. Connor snorted.

“Oh please, it’s not **that** great,” Connor rolled his eyes, but smiled at the compliment.

“I think it is,” Kevin insisted. “Seriously, thank you. You and your family have been so kind to me. I don’t know how to repay you.” Connor’s eyes softened at that.

“Kev, you don’t have to do anything to repay me. Just being in my life is more than enough,” Connor said sincerely. Kevin smiled at Connor appreciatively. The two sat in silence for a few moments, just enjoying each other’s company and the feeling of the other being so close, and finished their breakfast in a comfortable silence. All too soon, Kevin left the McKinley residence, not wanting to overstay his welcome. Connor relayed his mother’s message to him, and Kevin promised that he would, in fact, visit over Christmas break if they would have him. The two boys hugged goodbye for what felt like forever, yet at the same time not long enough.

Kevin pulled out of the driveway with his bags and happy thoughts of his and Connor’s interactions over the past 24+ hours. However, those thoughts turned somewhat troubling as Kevin thought about how he felt with Connor. It was all incredibly confusing. So, Kevin pushed those thoughts to the back of his head and focused on the drive home. When he finally pulled up to his house, he brought the bags in and said hello to his parents, telling them that yes, he did have a fun time with Connor. He excused himself to go up to his room, claiming he was tired from the drive. Once he closed his door, he took his phone out of his pocket and scanned through his contacts. When he found the contact he was looking for, he selected the call button and held the phone up to his ear as he listened to it ring. After a few rings, Kevin heard a familiar hello.

“Arn, I have a problem,” Kevin sighed, running his hand over his face.

“What’s wrong?” his best friend asked, concern laced in his voice.

“I, uh, went Black Friday shopping with Connor.”

“Yeah, I know that. Didn’t you have a good time? You guys looked happy on Snapchat.”

“No, I did have a good time. A great one, actually,” Kevin confirmed.

“Then what’s the problem?” Arnold asked, clearly confused. Kevin sighed.

“I… I did something that I maybe shouldn’t have.” Arnold waited for Kevin to elaborate. “I, uh, made Connor share his bed with me when I stayed the night. And I’m not entirely sure, but I think we were…cuddling at some point,” Kevin admitted. Arnold all but started squealing.

“Kevin, that’s awesome!”

“No, it’s not! I’m not gay. I don’t know why I did that,” Kevin snapped. Arnold groaned.

“Kev… do you think that maybe you’re, I don’t know, even a **little** gay?” Kevin scowled.

“I’m. Not. Gay,” he insisted with finality. Arnold sighed, knowing he wasn’t going to get anywhere with this conversation.

“Okay, whatever you say, buddy. It’s your emotions,” Arnold said, defeatedly. “But I’m just saying, maybe it’s not as weird as you think it is. Just promise me you’ll do what feels right, okay? Everything will sort itself out.”

“Okay, I will. Thanks for listening, Arn.”

“Any time, best friend. Look, I gotta run, but I’ll see you Monday night, right?”

“Yep, see you then.” Kevin ended the call and thought over what Arnold said. On a surface level, yes, maybe Kevin’s actions towards Connor looked gay, but Kevin knew he wasn’t gay, right? He was Kevin freaking Price, the Super Mormon poster child. He couldn’t be gay.

\--o0o--

Kevin’s remaining days at home flew by faster than he admittedly wanted. He spent a large amount of time with Ariana watching Disney movies with her, enjoyed Family Home Evening, and, of course, fought with Jack more times than his parents were pleased. Connor had messaged him a few times. Kevin didn’t ignore them, but he mostly only gave one or two-word answers hours after they were sent. Kevin didn’t like keeping Connor in the dark like he did, but he also didn’t like to be reminded of his confusing feelings for the boy. So, he felt distancing himself would be best. Connor had to have noticed the shift in Kevin’s behavior, but he never brought it up.

When the two boys met up at the airport, things were admittedly awkward. Connor was confused and didn’t understand what changed between the two. Sure, Kevin had **maybe** been flirting with him, and they shared a bed and breakfast together, but it’s not like anything actually happened. Everything they did was strictly innocent… except for the kiss they almost had… but they didn’t even end up kissing, so that doesn’t count. They might have cuddled a bit too at some point in the night…but that’s not a sin. Connor was determined to get to the bottom of it. They sat down in their seats on the plane, next to each other again, as they had planned. Connor decided then to tackle the situation head on.

“Kevin, what’s going on?” Connor asked, bluntly. Kevin looked up from his book, surprised.

“What do you mean?” Kevin asked, playing dumb. Connor wasn’t going to take it.

“You’ve barely talked to me after you stayed over, you act as though you’re terrified to see me… it’s really weird. Did I do something wrong?” Connor asked with his brows furrowed.

“What? No, Con, it’s not you… I’m just… I’m going through a lot right now. I’m sorry that I upset you,” Kevin was telling the truth. Technically. Connor exhaled.

“Okay, as long as you’re sure that it’s nothing I did.” Kevin put on a semi-convincing smile. Connor continued. “Do you want to talk about what’s bothering you?” Kevin paused.

_Yes and no,_ he thought miserably.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll get through it. Thanks though.” Connor smiled at him and patted his shoulder.

“Of course. You know you can talk to me about anything.” The two sat in a more comfortable silence after that, though Kevin’s mind was still reeling from his confusion. They kept mostly to themselves at first, either reading or listening to music alone, but about halfway through the flight, Kevin forced himself to let go of the awkwardness he was feeling and the two carried on easy and lighthearted conversation.

_Maybe things will be alright again…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you think! :)


	13. My God, I Give You This Action

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, as always, for reading, commenting, and/or leaving kudos! Enjoy! :)

Kevin knew that he had to figure out just what he was feeling for Connor. He didn’t think he was gay. He didn’t think it was even possible for him to be gay. Why would Heavenly Father make him, a good Mormon boy, gay if His plan was for man and woman to be together? It made no sense to Kevin. Besides, the Church taught that the marks could only be formed between a man and a woman to signify Heavenly Father’s plans for them to get married and raise a family together. The Church had never led Kevin astray before, so why would it now? But yet, the memories of his and Connor’s interactions lately made him somewhat doubtful, so Kevin decided to do some investigating.

One afternoon while Arnold was out with Naba, Kevin decided to take out his laptop and research his situation. He opened up Google and searched for same sex soulmate mark appearances and was shocked to find out that it was not an abnormal occurrence. In fact, it seemed to have legitimately happened to a large number of people. It didn’t seem to be people choosing against their marks like the Church had taught. They seemed…happy. Maybe Kevin did have feelings for Connor…

_No, no, no, no. I’m a Mormon. That goes against everything I believe in. Arnold is delusional. I’m not gay._

Not feeling entirely better, Kevin all but slammed his laptop shut and started to work on his homework for the day to keep his mind off of his situation. However, when that didn’t work, Kevin decided to do something he hadn’t done once while he had been at school. While he still considered himself to be a practicing Mormon, he just attended the Catholic Masses on campus every Sunday night. He had no car on campus and knew no other Mormons aside from Connor, who also just attended Mass on campus in order to save gas money. Kevin liked the Catholic Masses and had actually begun to sing in the Liturgical Choir that year. Luckily, Mother Mary University acknowledged and welcomed other faiths into their Masses and the priest gave a blessing to those who crossed their arms in the Communion line. However, Kevin needed some familiarity in this confusing time. He pulled out his phone.

- **Hey, Dan. Could you do me a solid?**

**-Ayeee what’s up?**

Kevin sighed. He hoped his new friend would be willing to help him out. He just couldn’t ask Connor to help him out with this one, since it had a large part to do with the boy, himself.

**-Could you drive me to Coopersburg? I’ll need like 10-20 minutes maybe. I’ll buy you pizza afterwards and give you gas money.**

Kevin held his breath as he waited for the reply but was relieved to see Dan’s affirmation and that he’d pick him up in five minutes. He fixed his appearance and made sure he pocketed his keys, wallet, phone before going outside to meet Dan.

“Where to, mate?” Dan smiled as Kevin climbed into the passenger seat.

“Church, actually. I usually just go to the school’s chapel for Mass, but I kinda need to be in an LDS church right now, you know?”

“Yeah, sure. You gotta do what you gotta do,” Dan replied. They had light chatter in between Kevin’s phone’s GPS. They arrived at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints within fifteen minutes. Dan told Kevin that he’d be back in twenty minutes, but to take as much time as he needed. He walked in, immediately comforted by the familiarity of the Mormon church interior. Kevin sat down in the front row, bowed his head, crossed his arms and began to pray.

_Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for everything You have blessed me with. My friends and family, my education, the food I eat, my house and dorm, the clothes I wear, my thoughts, my emotions, and my health and the health of those around me. There’s a prayer that everyone prays every Sunday at Mother Mary, as You know. ‘My God, I give you this action. Please give me the grace to conduct myself during it in a manner most pleasing to you.’ That prayer really inspires me, I feel, for I wish to serve You as best I can. The problem, Heavenly Father, is my soulmate mark. I really thought that Natalia would be the one for me, but then I never received it. Then a year later, You bless me with it, but it’s not for her. I’m just really confused. I’m afraid that I might have feelings for my best friend, Connor, but he is a man, not a woman. How could I love him when that goes against what we are taught in church? I’m hesitant to say it, but I am almost positive that I got my mark when I bumped into him, but You clearly made a mistake. Please give me guidance and the grace to help me find my way. Lead me away from temptation and please help me to stop these thoughts if they are not according to Your will. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen._

Kevin sat in the Church for a little while longer, mediating and hoping for…something. Divine intervention? The actual voice of God? Kevin wasn’t sure exactly what he was looking for, but nothing outwardly happened. Kevin checked his watch and discovered that twenty minutes had almost passed by.

_I’m sure that Heavenly Father will hear my prayers and help me out. He doesn’t just let bad things happen. He has a plan; He always has a plan. I just have to trust in it. Whatever all of this is, I’m sure He will guide me in the right path._

Kevin walked out the doors and found Dan parked in front of the church, seemingly playing a game on his phone.

“Hey, man, thanks so much again for this. I really appreciate it,” Kevin thanked. Dan smiled at him.

“No problem, I’m happy to help! Now…pizza?” Dan asked, hopefully. Kevin laughed.

“Pizza sounds amazing right now. My treat. There’s a place called Tony’s Pizza about ten minutes away. Wanna go there?”

“Oh yeah! I went there before one of the concerts with Kathryn last year. It’s pretty lit!” The two drove to the pizza place and walked into the little joint. They were greeted as soon as they entered inside and ordered a medium cheese pizza with a bottle of Sprite and a bottle of Coke. They sat down at one of the small tables by the counter.

“So, I don’t mean to pry, but why did you need to go to Church, if you don’t mind me asking?” Kevin sighed.

“I’m having some struggles with…some things that are going on in my life…and how it corelates with my faith,” Kevin admitted.

“I gotcha. Well, if you ever need to talk about anything, just let me know. I’m here for you, man,” Dan offered. “And, for what it’s worth, I think that you have to take what people **say** about your faith a little lighter than what you feel deep down, you know?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… for example, the Bible was written by people thousands of years ago. Sure, there’s a ton of good in there, but some things are a little unnecessarily…judgey. And it was written by **people**. With inspiration from God, sure. But it has also been translated a million times and I’m sure not **everything** went through accurately. I don’t know exactly what you’re struggling with, but there’s a lot of things that I don’t really agree with about my own church beliefs. I trust in my faith. I think there’s a distinction between the two, and I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing to have.” Dan shrugged his shoulders. “Just…do what’s best for you, man. But if something makes you happy and it doesn’t hurt you or anyone else, I would personally pay more attention to what’s inside, rather than what a church claims is right or wrong.” Kevin nodded his head, turning over Dan’s admittedly inspirational words in his head.

_Maybe Heavenly Father is trying to tell me something through Dan?_

“Thanks Dan. I’ll definitely think about that,” Kevin smiled. Dan smiled back.

“Cool beans. You deserve to be happy, Kev. Don’t forget that.” After Dan said that, the pizza was placed on their table along with two red plates. The boys hungrily dug into their food, savoring the delicious, non-cafeteria pizza. At that moment, Kevin had to admit, he felt a weight off of his shoulders.

_Maybe one day, it will always feel like this._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tony's Pizza is a real pizza place in Coopersburg, PA that has really good pizza! 10/10 would recommend. 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Let me know what you think! :)


	14. Stirring Up Some Treble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, commenting, and/or leaving kudos! Hope you enjoy! :)

As Concert time drew nearer, one night, Brian announced that there would be a Chapel Decorating Party after rehearsal the following week. Apparently, they do it every year and people tend to have a good time with it, despite the fact that they are technically working. Brian even promised free pizza to whoever showed up to help out. So obviously, Kevin, Connor, and Chris were game. In the middle of Chorale, Kathryn, Dan, and Andrew left to go pick up the pizza and sodas and returned just in time to see the rest of the choir off (and make them jealous of the literal ten boxes of pizza and four bottles of soda that would shortly be consumed by Brian’s hard workers). Brian suggested that everyone eat first, while the pizza was still hot. Everyone gathered in the breezeway of the Chapel and had good conversation that only took a few awkward turns.

“So, Brian, when you were in college, did you go to parties?” asked Tyrone, one of the tenors. Brian kind of sputtered and laughed nervously in response. Kevin glanced at Connor and lifted an eyebrow.

“So, I guess we know what his answer is then…” he muttered to the ginger. Connor snorted into his cup, trying not to call attention to them. Everyone kept up their own conversations until suddenly, everyone heard Dan shouting.

“Like, that’s not even genocide…DUMBASS.” The breezeway went silent. Dan was shockingly unfazed.

 _Who was he talking to? And how does someone even get to that line of conversation?? I’m not so sure Heavenly Father is speaking through him anymore,_ Kevin thought, somewhat disturbed.

“Alright, once everyone finishes eating, we can make our way out to the Chapel and start decorating,” Brian asked to break the awkward silence. “Please don’t feel the need to rush, but once you are ready, please see me or one of the choir managers to find out what we need to set up. Thanks.” With that, Brian walked through the doors, into the Chapel with the choir managers and a smattering of other students in tow. Kevin and Connor took a minute to finish their drinks before throwing away their trash and heading into the Chapel as well. They scanned the room for someone to get a task from and found Kathryn first, setting up the candle holders on the pews.

“Hi, Kathryn! How can we help?” Connor asked. She smiled at the pair.

“Hey, guys! Well, most of the jobs are covered, but we will need someone to set up and decorate the Christmas trees behind the alter, so if you could handle that, that’d be great!”

“Sure, no problem!” Kevin said.

“Great! Brian can show you where the trees and ornaments are. I think he’s in the sacristy now, if you wanna go get him,” she explained. The boys then tracked down their director, got the containers they needed, and went behind the alter and began to set up. Once they figured out how to stack the tree, they discovered that Brian had assigned Sam and Dominic to take care of the other tree, leaving them with only one tree to worry about. The white lights were already on each of the three tiers of the tree, so they brought over the box of golden balls to hang on the tree and started hanging them on the tree. It obviously wasn’t either of the boys’ first times decorating a Christmas tree before, but it felt… different. It actually felt weirdly domestic. Kevin and Connor smiled at each other throughout the task and quietly made jokes to each other, laughing lightly. At that point, most of the students were cleared out of the Chapel, having finished their tasks. But Kathryn still was checking on things for Brian. She noticed the pair, happily in their own world and smiled to herself. She discreetly took out her phone and snapped a picture of them. She then noticed Chris heading back to the breezeway and ran to catch up with him. Chris was grabbing another slice of pizza when she got to him.

“Hey Chris! Can I ask you about something?”

“Sure, Kathryn! What’s up?” he asked around a bite of pizza. Kathryn unlocked her phone and showed Chris the picture.

“Does this mean anything to you?” she inquired. Chris rolled his eyes good-naturedly and laughed.

“Hopeless, the two of them, aren’t they?”

“So I’m not just imagining it? There’s something there?” Kathryn asked.

“Look, I’m really great friends with both of them. Connor’s become one of my best friends from this semester alone and I’m great friends and suitemates with Kevin. They’re both incredible guys. But they are so damn oblivious. Our entire friend group is just waiting for them to realize their feelings or grow some balls or something. They both look at each other as if the other is the best freaking thing in existence. Quite frankly, it’s almost disgusting,” Chris joked.

“Well, they’d definitely make an adorable couple. I’m sorry to hear that they’re being so thick-headed about it though. How long has this been going on? I mean, I’ve had a few suspicions here and there, but tonight really took the cake,” she quirked an eyebrow.

“Pretty much since the first day they met. Kevin’s roommate, Arnold, said he wouldn’t shut up about Connor for a week after they met and to be honest, he still kinda doesn’t. Same goes for Connor. I didn’t know him all that well when they first met, but now that we’ve become so close, I swear Kevin is brought up at least once in every damn conversation we have. And then whenever they’re together, they’re always sharing these, like, secret glances with each other. I wish they’d just get together already,” said Chris, half joking, half serious.

“Hmmm. Interesting. Do you think they got their soulmate marks for each other?” Kathryn asked, trying to conceal her excitement.

“I’d be shocked if they didn’t, honestly. But neither of them seems to want to talk about it. I don’t understand what’s taking so long, especially if they did get the marks.”

“Well, if there’s anything I can do to help, let me know. And keep me updated!” Kathryn said earnestly.

“Will do, thanks! And send me that picture when you get the chance. I’m sure our friends would love to see the next edition of ‘Kevin and Connor acting like a couple,’” Chris snorted.

Yes, he certainly hoped that the pair got their shit together soon, to put it lightly.

\--o0o--

The time for concerts finally came and all of the choir members were ecstatic. Kevin, Connor, and Chris all decided to hang out before getting ready for the concert on the first night. So, that Sunday, after morning Mass in Miller Hall (since the Chapel would be used for the concert during usual Mass time) and grabbing lunch, the three boys headed over to Kevin’s room. Arnold already told Kevin that he’d be with Nabulungi for most of the day, so they had the room to themselves. Connor stopped by his dorm to grab his tuxedo to change in Kevin’s room and prevent any extra running around. Despite being “Good Mormon Boys,” Kevin and Connor definitely had a dirty side to them, which became evident when Chris brought over his _Cards Against Humanity_ game and the two slayed at it. They spent a good two hours just laughing at each other’s cards and scenarios. After that, they watched a few YouTube videos before heading over to the cafeteria to grab some takeout for dinner. Not wanting to waste time, they ate in Kevin’s room while watching a movie on Netflix. Soon enough, it was time for them to start getting ready. Chris went next door to his own room to get ready, while Connor and Kevin stayed in Kevin’s room.

“So, what we could do, I guess, is just one of us can change in the bathroom while the other changes in here. That’s probably the easiest way, right?” Kevin suggested, feeling kind of weird about changing **in front of** Connor.

“Yeah, no, that works,” Connor agreed easily, nodding his head.

“Alright, cool. So, I’ll just… head into the bathroom then. I’ll knock on the door before I come back in here, okay?” At Connor’s thumbs up, Kevin headed into the bathroom that adjoined his and Chris’ rooms. After locking both sides (although he trusted Connor), he hung up his tuxedo on the towel rack and began to take off his clothes for the day. Stripped down to his underwear and socks, he got his pants and button-down on with ease, struggled only slightly with the cummerbund, and slid on his jacket. After unlocking Chris’ side, he knocked on the door and at Connor’s “okay,” he padded through the doorway in his socks and went over to his desk. Kevin picked up his bowtie and adjusted it around his neck. He was just barely aware of Connor’s presence out of the corner of his eye on the other side of the room, putting on his shoes. Once he tightened the tie appropriately around his neck, he glanced in the mirror and straightened it. Kevin turned around to face Connor and his breath caught in his throat.

 _Oh, Heavenly Father…he looks really good…_ Kevin thought, helplessly.

“Well, don’t you look handsome,” Connor said softly with a smile. Kevin returned the smile, finally remembering how to breathe.

“Speak for yourself. You look great,” Kevin said, suddenly feeling very shy. Connor took a few steps towards him.

“Only one problem.” Kevin’s brow creased in confusion

“What?”

“You’re not straight,” Connor stated. Kevin’s eyes bugged out of his head. Before he could start sputtering or arguing, Connor grabbed the lapels of his tuxedo and Kevin lost all power of speech and breathing and parted his lips, staring at Connor. The ginger smirked and adjusted Kevin’s jacket before moving on to fiddle with his bowtie. “You don’t want to walk on the risers looking like a crooked mess, now do you?” Connor teased. Kevin regained his ability to breathe (again) when Connor removed his hands from his chest.

“I thought I looked fine. Everything was straight,” Kevin defended, indignantly. Connor shook his head.

“No, Kevin, I promise you, you looked anything **but** straight,” Connor insisted, trying not to smile. Kevin narrowed his eyes at him.

“If you say so. Thanks, I guess,” he said, defeated.

“Anytime,” Connor winked before walking over to Kevin’s full-sized mirror to start working with his hair. Kevin sighed before walking over to his closet to grab his dress shoes. As he tied his laces, he caught himself staring at Connor’s ass. Once he realized this, he squeezed his eyes shut while shaking his head and scolding himself, bringing his attention back to his shoes. The rest of their time getting ready went off without a hitch and Chris soon rejoined them in Kevin’s room. Once Kevin was satisfied with the way he coiffed his hair, the trio made their way over to the Chapel for call time. When they walked through the doors, they were greeted by the sight of Kathryn standing on top of one of the pews and pouring oil into one of the candles attached to it. In the background, they saw Brian talking to Barb, Dan lifting the piano lid, and Andrew plugging in the Christmas tree lights on the alter. They walked up to Kathryn.

“Hey Kathryn! Anything we can help with?” asked Connor.

“Hey guys! No, not really, but thanks for offering! You can put your stuff in the breezeway. Just make sure you’re on the risers by 6:45. So, you have about fifteen minutes to chill,” she smiled. The three followed her instructions and met up with everyone in the breezeway. There was some light conversation with a few underlying jitters, but more than anything, everyone seemed to be very excited to show off their hard work over the course of the semester. Once 6:44 hit, everyone started filing out of the breezeway and into the Chapel to get into position on the risers. Brian gave the group a small pep talk, saying how proud he was of everyone and how he was sure that it would be a wonderful concert. After reviewing a few songs and dissecting a couple problem areas one last time, it soon hit 7:30, meaning the doors were officially opened for the audience. Everyone filed out of the Chapel into the breezeway once again, save for Brian, Barb, the other instrumentalists, and the choir managers, who were lighting each of the candles attached to the pews.

Time seemed to fly by in the thirty minutes between waiting and the actual concert. Kevin was a little overwhelmed, with it being his first concert and feeling the mild anxiety of the night, but he was at the same time extremely excited. When Brian stood up from his seat in the breezeway and instructed everyone to line up in concert order, Kevin felt his hand being grabbed. He looked up to see Connor smiling and squeezing his hand in encouragement. Kevin smiled back and took a deep breath.

“Let’s do this,” he said, forcing some ounce of confidence not only into his words, but also onto himself. They dropped their hands, gripped their choir folders in their right hands, and walked into the Chapel in a straight line. As they walked past the choir closet into the actual Chapel area, they saw the overflow of people in the pews and chairs, waiting to hear them sing. Kevin put on his best winning smile as he made his way up the risers to his spot. Once everyone was where they were supposed to be, Brian smiled at them, giving them some last-minute encouragement. He then raised his arm, cueing them to take a breath. They all breathed together and simultaneously emitted the first note of the concert, a cappella.  

\--o0o--

The concert was over before Kevin even realized it. Once the last note resonated through the Chapel, Brian stepped down from his podium, gestured over to the choir, and the audience erupted into applause. Kevin felt his face split into a grin and his chest puffed out in pride.

 _We did it,_ he thought. _We actually made it through our first concert._

Kevin felt Connor bump into his shoulder lightly as the applause rang out for them. He glanced over at the ginger and the two exchanged a sweet smile. After all of the choir members who had solos and instrumental parts were singled out, Brian moved on to acknowledging Barb, followed by the brass players. All of the choir members joined in clapping for these people. But none of the applause was anything compared to the choir outright screaming when Brian bowed. Kevin chuckled to himself, finding it humorous that even though they hadn’t all talked out a plan to cheer for Brian so loudly, not a single member failed to do so. It was very clear just how loved he was by his students. He hoped that Brian realized just how lucky they all were to have him. After the final applause, Brian gestured to the choir to make their way off of the risers. Once everyone filed back into the breezeway, many congratulations were thrown around and everyone felt really good about the first of their four concerts that week. Kevin pulled Connor into a huge hug and told him that he did a great job. Connor returned the sentiments.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you: is your family coming to any of the concerts?” Connor asked. Kevin smiled sadly and shook his head.

“No, they can’t make it to any of them, unfortunately. It didn’t work with my parent’s work schedules and neither of them were able to get off. But they promised they’d schedule in advance for the Spring concerts at least. How about you?”

“Aw, I’m really sorry to hear that, Kev. Mine are coming on Saturday. That way, they don’t have to worry about work or school for Shannon for the next day,” Connor explained. “But you’re welcome to join us to celebrate afterwards. I’m sure my family would love to talk to you again.”

“That’s really sweet, Connor. Thank you,” Kevin smiled sincerely. The pair walked back to their respective dorm rooms with Chris. Kevin was looking forward to the rest of the concerts, the next of which being the next night.

\--o0o--

The rest of the week flew by along with the last three concerts. Connor’s family came to the last concert, as promised, and after strike, Kevin and Chris were promptly invited to get food with the McKinley’s, which they gratefully accepted. They had all decided to go to a Mexican restaurant in the Promenade Shops, near the college, called Torre. Everyone piled into the McKinley’s rental car and drove the short distance to the restaurant while discussing the concert.

“I think you should have gotten the solo, Connor,” complained Shannon. “I mean, the guy that got it wasn’t **bad** … but you would have been better.” Connor and Kevin chuckled.

“Well, thanks, Shan. Maybe next time,” Connor said lightheartedly with a smile. Soon after that remark, they made it to Torre. When they walked in, they were astounded by the extravagant décor. There were many tall plants, an entire wall of sugar skulls, and an impressive tower of tequila that extended all the way up to the very high ceiling. They all crowded around a table and ordered a bunch of appetizers to share (no one wanted to eat a full meal, since it was past 9pm and everyone was admittedly pretty tired). Kevin found that the more time he spent with the McKinley’s, the more he liked them. They were very friendly people and welcomed both him and Chris into the family immediately. It was easy to see where Connor got his kindheartedness, amongst other traits, from. Connor actually looked a great deal like his mother, aside from the fact that she was a brunette. He seemingly only got his hair color from his father, as far as physical traits go. The McKinley party had a wonderful time telling jokes, stories, and commenting on the concert. The topic of soulmates came up after some time.

“When do you get your soulmate mark? I’m so sick of all of the drama and lies,” Shannon brought up out of the blue, quite dramatically. Everyone at the table stifled their laughter.

“Shannon, hon, there’s no set time when you get it. It all depends on when you touch your person for the first time. It could happen tomorrow, next week, even thirty or more years from now! You never know,” Connor explained kindly. She looked horrified.

“Thirty years from now?! I can’t wait that long! I’ll be in a nursing home by then!” she exclaimed. No one held back their laughter at that outburst.

“Okay, first of all, you won’t be anywhere near a nursing home at forty. Second of all, that was an extreme example. Just don’t think too much about it. It’ll happen when it happens. Just focus on being a kid and having fun,” Connor said gently. Shannon smiled at him and seemed satisfied with that answer.

“Yeah, I mean, it could happen at the most random time when you least expect it!” added Chris. “I got mine over the summer when I was working at Facilities at Mother Mary. Turns out James, one of my coworkers, was my soulmate. I would have never guessed it, but we really work well together,” he smiled, staring into space. This was news to Kevin. He felt bad that he hadn’t realized that Chris’ soulmate was a guy. He had noticed that he and James had been spending a lot of time together, but it never actually clicked that they were together. Flashbacks of the Choral Workshop and him telling Chris that he was sure his soulmate was a “lovely girl” made Kevin inwardly cringe. This revelation that Chris’ soulmate was a male made Kevin get lost in thought.

_Maybe this is Heavenly Father trying to give me another sign? Maybe it’s okay to fall for Connor because he actually **is** my soulmate? Maybe… _

The night ended all too soon, but everyone was admittedly very tired. The McKinleys dropped the boys back off at Mother Mary with promises of picking Connor up the next day to spend more time with him before they flew back to Utah. Kevin went to bed that night, simultaneously relieved and filled with even more questions than before. Thankfully, Christmas Break was in sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my not-so-inner choir nerd really comes out in this chapter, sorry. Hahaha Performing in a concert is honestly one of the best experiences, in my opinion. It's just so exhilarating and fun! If it wasn't already obvious, choir is a huge part of my life. I'm really glad that I was able to incorporate it into Kevin and Connor's lives too. :)
> 
> Getting off my choir soapbox, I hope you guys really enjoyed this chapter! Let me know what you think! :)


	15. Happy Right Here, Right Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, commenting and/or leaving kudos! Enjoy! :)

Kevin woke up early on Christmas morning, as he did every year. He had been home for a little over a week before the holiday and was basking in the freedom from stress, exams, and assignments. He and his siblings raced down to the living room to open their presents that were left under the tree. Their parents watched them happily, sipping on hot chocolate. Once they had finished opening their presents, the kids ran up to their rooms to get their presents for their parents and each other. Kevin was thrilled that Ariana loved her Simba stuffed animal, and Jack was excited about the video game Kevin got him. His mother adored the jewelry he picked out for her, and his father laughed but gladly accepted the Mother Mary baseball cap to add to his collection. During the small lull in activity, Kevin pulled out his phone to send a message to the Mother Mary group chat and a message to a certain redhead.

**-Merry Christmas, Connor! :)**

**-Merry Christmas Kev! * <:D (Get it? It’s a Santa hat!)**

_Leave it to Connor to take the creative route instead of just using the Santa emoji that already existed._

Despite this, Kevin smiled. He hesitated for a second before typing out his next message. He sent it once he was finished proofreading, already anxious for his best friend’s reply.

**-Hahaha that’s adorable! Hey, would you wanna come over my house on Wednesday? We could do our gift exchange then. Plus, my Mom wants to get to know you. Lol**

Kevin tried to busy himself while he waited, but still found himself obsessing over what he asked and what Connor’s reaction to it could be. Within a few minutes, his phone vibrated.

**-Yeah, totally! Looking forward to it! :)**

**-Me too. :)**

Kevin breathed a sigh of relief and smiled down at his phone. He was looking forward to seeing Connor again. Sure, he had spent an entire plane ride with him a mere eleven days ago, and they had texted and Snapchatted each other every day. But it still wasn’t the same.  

\--o0o--

The whole two days that Kevin had to wait to see Connor seemed like forever, but eventually, Kevin witnessed Connor pulling up in front of his house. Kevin shamelessly ran outside the moment he saw Connor and attacked him with a huge hug once the redhead got out of his car.

“Hi,” Connor chuckled against Kevin’s neck. Kevin beamed and pulled away a little to look into Connor’s eyes, still holding him.

“Hi. I missed you,” Kevin stated simply. Connor felt his chest warm with affection and his face soften.

“I missed you too. I’m really excited to meet your family though and do our gift exchange!” Connor had meticulously wrapped Kevin’s gift in blue wrapping paper with cartoon penguins all over it. In addition to the tie he bought on Black Friday, Connor had also wrapped a mini scrapbook of their semester of knowing each other that he carefully crafted. He took the presents out of the back seat and followed Kevin into his house. As he walked in, he found a woman with shoulder-length straight brown hair, a man with curly black hair and a receding hairline, a boy who looked strikingly similar to Kevin, just a bit younger with curly brown hair, and a small girl with wild black curls and a bright smile. Connor observed that Kevin got most of his looks from his mother but shared his father’s nose and jawline.

“Guys, this is Connor. Connor, this is my mom and dad, Jack, and Ariana. Jack’s in his senior year of high school and Ari just turned five in November.” Connor stuck out his hand to Kevin’s parents, but Mrs. Price pulled him into a hug. Mr. Price accepted the handshake, offering him a smile all the while. Jack gave Connor a smile and nod, while Ari ran up to him and hung off of his leg, making everyone laugh.

“It’s so nice to meet you all! Kevin’s told me a lot about you,” Connor smiled happily at the Price family. After some small talk, Kevin drug Connor upstairs into his room and closed the door.

“So, welcome to my room. Make yourself at home.” Connor took in his surroundings. The room was somehow simultaneously mature and utterly childish. The room was painted red with black accents. Kevin’s bed had a soft looking white comforter with tiny black Mickey Mouse heads through it. Above the vanity was a Mickey shaped mirror, which was next to a wall full of personal pictures. Above his desk was a bulletin board with a calendar and inspirational quotes, and beside the desk was a filled bookshelf. It was very Kevin-like. Kevin shyly walked over to his dresser and picked up the package that was lying on top of it.

“Merry Christmas, Con,” Kevin said softly with a small smile, handing over the present. It, of course, was adorned with festive Disney characters. Connor smiled back.

“Aw, thank you. Merry Christmas to you too, Kev.” He handed Kevin his own present. The pair sat down on Kevin’s bed, and Connor began carefully unwrapping the paper. Kevin watched, deciding to open his present after. Connor gasped when he saw his gift. The first thing he saw were two tickets to see a performance of _A Christmas Carol_ at the Heritage Theatre, which was only across town from Kevin’s house.

“They’re for tonight. I was wondering if you would like to go with me?” Kevin asked, trying to contain his anxious excitement.

“O-M-Gosh, Kevin! I would love to! Thank you!” Connor turned on the bed to give Kevin a hug. Kevin laughed as he returned the hug.

“You’re welcome, but you haven’t even seen the rest of your present.” Connor pulled away as he looked under the tickets to find a purple t shirt with “Warning: Subject to spontaneous outbursts of song and dance” written across the front. Connor burst out laughing.

“That’s perfect! Kevin, this is way too much.” Kevin waved away his suggestion.

“It’s not that much. Besides,” Kevin shrugged and continued in a smaller voice, “you’re worth it.” Connor felt his chest warm once again with affection and appreciation and smiled at him.

“Well, thank you. And for the record, you’re worth it too.” Both boys shyly smiled at each other in silence for a bit until Connor motioned for Kevin to open up his present. Kevin’s face lit up when he saw his tie.

“Mickey! Connor, this is the best tie I’ve ever seen in my life! Where did you find it?” Connor laughed.

“I actually found it in the Disney Store while we were Black Friday shopping. I noticed it in the men’s section and had a feeling you might love it.” Kevin beamed at him, thrilled that Connor knew him so well. “Look what’s wrapped in the tie,” Connor suggested. Kevin unraveled the tie and found a small, ring-bound book. When he opened it, he found cut out pictures, stickers, and captions- all relating to their first semester of college as friends. Kevin felt tears well up in his eyes as he examined it.

“Connor, I have no words. This is truly something…just…so incredible. You made this for me?”

“I did. I wanted you to have a memento of our first couple months of friendship. And since it’s bound by a binder ring, you can add on to it, if you want.” Kevin put it down gently on his bed and gave Connor yet another hug.

“Thank you,” he murmured into the redhead’s hair. They held on to each other for longer than necessary, but neither boy minded, soaking up the other’s warmth and affection. Once they pulled away and set aside their gifts for the time being, they fell into happy and easy conversation. It still surprised Kevin just how in sync he and Connor were. Even with Arnold, he didn’t feel quite the degree he did with Connor. Since the show was for 7:30, the boys had a few hours to kill. Kevin brought over his laptop and they watched movies on it. They sat side by side on Kevin’s bed while balancing the laptop on their legs. In a perfect world, Connor would either put his arm around Kevin in this position, or Kevin would put his around him. But, once again, real life is a bit more complicated. So, Connor settled for Kevin’s left side of his body pressed up against Connor’s, which honestly wasn’t too bad either.

At 6:00, Kevin suggested they go out to dinner. They ended up going to The Rusted Spoon, which was about a five-minute walk from the theatre. Connor ordered the Country Fried Chicken with a side of fries and corn, while Kevin got a Barbeque Chicken salad and mooched fries off of Connor. When the bill finally came, both boys reached for it.

“Kev, no. You’re already paying for the show tonight. The very least I can do is pay for dinner,” Connor insisted.

“But that was a part of your Christmas present. I’m the one who suggested going here. I’m paying,” Kevin argued. Connor glared at him.

“No, Kevin. I’m paying and that’s it,” Connor said with finality. Kevin sighed, but gave in under Connor’s stern gaze. Connor looked at the total and took out his wallet.

“Fine, but I’m leaving the tip.” Kevin compromised. Connor responded with a noncommittal sound. “You know, if you went on a mission, you’d probably be the District Leader. You’re bossy enough for the job,” Kevin teased. Connor looked up at him, raising an eyebrow. His lips quirked into a smile.

“I’m going to take that as a compliment. So, thank you. And you’re welcome,” Connor teased back. Kevin rolled his eyes.

“Thank you for dinner, Con. You really didn’t have to pay for it.”

“I know. But I wanted to,” he smiled. The waiter came back for the money and the boys stood up to leave, after telling him to keep the change. They walked over to the theatre, but still had time before the doors opened. They both sat down on the edge of the pavement in silence.

“Do you ever wonder where you would have been sent if you did a mission?” Kevin asked suddenly. Connor looked over at him, shocked.

“Uh yeah, sometimes…Do you?” Kevin sighed a little beside him.

“Yeah. I like to think that I would have been sent to Orlando, Florida. How about you?”

“Oh jeez, I don’t know. Somewhere in Europe would have been nice. But knowing my luck, I probably would have been sent to like…Africa or somewhere else scorching hot. I would have ended up looking like a lobster,” Connor joked. Kevin chuckled.

“Yeah, you probably would have. The red hair doesn’t help with the whole lobster appearance.” Kevin smirked. Connor playfully slapped Kevin on his arm.

“Hey, my hair isn’t **that** red!” Connor countered indignantly.

“Whatever you say, Lobster Boy,” Kevin grinned at him, while Connor just rolled his eyes good-naturedly.

“So, what brought up all this talk about missions?” Connor asked.

“I don’t know. I mean, I guess sometimes I wonder how my life would be different if I had gone on my mission and spread the Word, and all that,” Kevin said thoughtfully.

“Do you regret not going on your mission?” Connor asked quietly. Kevin remained silent for a moment, truly thinking about his answer.

“No,” he answered decidedly. “I mean, I’ve obviously thought about it here and there, but I am happy with my decision not to go on a mission. I mean, if I went on my mission, I might not have ever met you…or Arnold or Chris, or anyone really. Heck, who knows if I’d even be attending Mother Mary or wanting to become a PA. My entire life could have been different just because of one choice. But I’m really happy with the life I have. I’m happy right here, right now…with you,” Kevin ended quietly, breaking eye contact with Connor by looking at the ground. If there was ever a time when Connor wanted to kiss Kevin (and there were **many** ), he especially wanted to kiss him now. But now wasn’t the time. So, Connor put his arm around Kevin’s shoulders and rested his head on the boy. After a minute passed, Connor broke the silence.

“Me too.” Kevin broke away from him to look in his eyes.

“Huh?”

“I’m glad I didn’t go on my mission either, for pretty much the same reasons as you. And I am especially glad to be here with you right now,” Connor said earnestly. Kevin smiled at him and grabbed his hand, giving it a squeeze before letting it go all too soon. They sat in silence for a few minutes, pondering what the other had said.

“So, uh, I heard that Mickey is the Mission President in Orlando,” Kevin mentioned offhandedly to break the silence. Connor snorted.

“I’m pretty sure the Church wouldn’t appoint a fictional mouse as Mission President.”

“But it’s **Mickey**.”

“A **fictional** mouse,” Connor stressed, trying, but failing, to hide the smile creeping on his lips.

“Whatever, Disney Magic is real and you’re wrong,” Kevin said pretending to be indignant about it. Connor laughed and glanced down at his watch.

“You’re insane. Come on, we have a show to watch.” The boys then stood up and walked into the theater to find their seats. Once the lights dimmed, the boys were instantly brought into nineteenth century London and forgot any troubles they had at the back of their minds. Any questions of feelings, soulmate marks, and hypothetical missions were banished for the time being and instead replaced with the wonder and awe of theatre.

Everything was going to be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Let me know what you think! :) 
> 
> Disclaimer: I've never been to the Heritage Theater nor The Rusted Spoon (I've never been to Utah, period). But they are real places that I researched, so I don't know, they seemed good! Haha
> 
> Here is the shirt Kevin got for Connor: https://www.redbubble.com/people/wanungara/works/9775834-warning-subject-to-spontaneous-outbursts-of-song-and-dance?body_color=eggplant&cat_context=all-departments&grid_pos=1&p=t-shirt&print_location=front&rbs=686c9584-ccf7-467c-9c5a-5ca72e85e3f0&ref=shop_grid&searchTerm=song%20and%20dance&size=medium&style=mens
> 
> And here's a reminder of the tie Connor got for Kevin: https://www.shopdisney.com/mickey-mouse-striped-silk-tie-for-adults-blue-1470665


	16. Mormons Gone Wild

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, commenting, and/or leaving kudos! Enjoy! :)

The day after their gift exchange, the boys were scheming for an excuse to hang out again. Connor suggested that they go to Zoo Lights at the Hogle Zoo, since Kevin mentioned that his family had never gotten around to doing that before and it would be closing the upcoming Sunday. Kevin eagerly agreed, and so found himself driving to Connor’s house to pick him up that Friday evening. The two got in line for their tickets and waited excitedly. Once they were permitted entrance into the zoo, they were immediately met with the sights of animated and nonanimated animal lights, as well as the sounds of carolers singing throughout the zoo. The two boys walked around the zoo, taking everything in. After a short walk, they found a fenced in area with ten impressive animal lanterns. They took a couple pictures and selfies in front of the lanterns, making comments about which ones were their favorites. A little farther into the zoo, Kevin and Connor found an enormous light tunnel. The lights moved and changed colors as they strolled under it, making them stare at their surroundings in a child-like wonder. There were not very many animals active during the event, most of them sleeping, but they did see some sea lions, tigers, and leopards walking around in their exhibits.

“One thing I wish the Hogle Zoo had were penguins,” Connor mentioned as they passed the polar bear exhibit. “They’re one of my favorite animals.” Kevin smiled.

“Really? I didn’t know that. What other animals do you like? Oh! Are you more of a dog person or a cat person?” Kevin asked.

“Definitely dog person. I like cats a lot—they’re really cute. But my allergies don’t like them. It’s nothing too serious, but my eyes get kinda red and I get a little wheezy. Dogs I’m fine with though, luckily! How about you?”

“Me too. I’m not allergic to cats, but I do tend to prefer dogs anyway. My grandparents have a Shetland Sheepdog named Colleen and I’m, like, obsessed with her,” Kevin laughed. “But my dad’s kind of allergic to cats **and** dogs, so we didn’t have any pets like that growing up. I’m hoping to adopt a dog when I get my own place though!”

“That’d be really cool,” Connor said with a smile on his face, mulling over his thoughts.

_Maybe we’ll adopt a dog together one day…I wonder what he thinks of the name Rory…_

They continued to walk amongst the lights until Kevin spotted a sign above a building.

“Connor! We should get our picture with Santa!” suggested Kevin with a huge grin. Connor frowned.

“Kevin, aren’t we a little old for that? I mean, we should probably save that for the kids.”

“Oh, come on. Please? If there are a ton of kids in line, we can leave, but we should at least give it a shot!” Connor sighed.

“Okay, fine. But if one child gets in line behind us, we’re leaving.” By some strange miracle, no children appeared in line behind the boys and the line wasn’t very long to start with. Soon enough, it was Kevin and Connor’s turn. In front of them was Santa, sitting on what was essentially a cross between a bench and a throne, with two reindeer tethered next to him, looking, for the most part, disinterested in the whole affair. As they were about to walk up to Santa, a mother with a little boy who was probably about Ariana’s age walked into the building.

“Oh, sorry, ma’am. You can cut in front of us if you’d like,” Kevin offered. The woman shook her head.

“Don’t worry about it, boys! We can wait. I can even take a picture of you if you’d like.” Connor smiled.

“That would be great! Thank you so much!” Connor handed the mother his phone and walked up to Santa with Kevin.

“Ho ho ho! No one is too old for Santa!” the man said, sounding kind of tired with an underlying annoyance. Kevin ignored this, or maybe didn’t pick up on it, and plopped himself on Santa’s knee, which the man grimaced at. Connor raised an eyebrow and delicately sat down on the arm of the bench, next to Santa. The woman in line raised the phone, instructed everyone to smile, and took a few pictures. Connor thanked both Santa and the mother for everything and walked away from the sight with Kevin. The pair inspected the picture.

“Definitely should be next year’s Christmas card, right Con?” Kevin suggested with a smile. Connor laughed.

“Oh, for sure. Too bad Christmas is over. We could have used it this year,” he joked. The pair kept walking through the zoo until Kevin’s eyes lit up again.

“Connor! Conservation Carousel is still running! Let’s go!” Without waiting for a response, Kevin grabbed Connor’s hand and raced over to the carousel and got in line. Luckily, the wait was very short, since the ride was able to accommodate multiple people at once. After one round of watching the carousel, it was their turn to board. Connor followed Kevin onto the ride and climbed onto the giraffe behind Kevin’s snow leopard. Kevin took out his phone and took a selfie of him and Connor on the ride, before a worker instructed him to put his phone away.  

Since it was a frigid and snowy evening, the boys were pretty cold, despite their layers of coats, scarves, hats, and gloves. Therefore, they decided to warm up with hot chocolate at the Beastro, one of the cafés in the zoo. Once they felt better, they continued down the pathways, enjoying the Christmas lights that were lit up all around them. They found an unpopulated area and stood there to just admire the sights surrounding them without being in anyone’s way. Kevin couldn’t help but stare at Connor during this. The lights added multiple colors to his face and reflected in his already bright blue eyes. Kevin felt his heart race as he watched him.

“God, this is all so beautiful! Isn’t it, Kev?” Connor asked in awe, still not looking at Kevin.

“Yeah, really beautiful,” Kevin replied, not looking at the lights, but rather staring at Connor. Connor finally turned to Kevin, smiling. However, his smile dropped when he saw the intense stare the boy was giving him.

“What’s wrong?” Connor asked. Kevin said nothing in return. Instead, he took a step towards Connor and closed the space between them. He brought his hand up to cup Connor’s cheek, bringing the boy’s mouth to his own. Kevin sighed at the touch of Connor’s lips. Connor was frozen from shock initially but soon kissed back. He wrapped his arms around Kevin’s waist, bringing the boy closer to him. Connor felt like he was dreaming; there was no way that he was kissing Kevin at Zoo Lights. However, he was brought back down to earth when Kevin started to run his fingers through the redhead’s hair under his hat. Connor took a risk and grazed his tongue across Kevin’s lips. Kevin immediately opened his lips, allowing Connor access to his mouth. The boys moved even closer, if that was possible, holding onto each other as though their lives depended on it.

 As the kiss deepened, Kevin’s mind just about shut off. The only thing he was aware of was the immense amount of pleasure he was feeling from the kiss. His stomach felt like it was swooping, his chest felt bubbly, and a million fireworks seemed to be going off within his body. The secure hands on his waist grounded him as he continued to feel Connor’s soft, but slightly chapped lips against his own and the ginger’s tongue moving around Kevin’s tongue. The kisses he shared with Natalia were nothing compared to what he was experiencing with Connor. He finally understood the hype of making out. It didn’t seem so gross or weird to have a tongue—Connor’s tongue—in his mouth. It just seemed… right. All too soon, the two pulled away for air. Connor rested his forehead on Kevin’s and smiled, still keeping his eyes closed and his arms around Kevin’s waist. Kevin opened his and looked at Connor, still in kind of a daze. Connor opened his eyes, staring into Kevin’s chocolate brown ones. For as good of a time as they were having, it was starting to get late. Besides, the zoo would be closing soon anyway.

“Do you wanna head out?” Connor asked softly. Kevin nodded and the two left the zoo, shyly holding gloved hands. Neither boy spoke on the car ride back, as Kevin started to feel anxiety bubble up in his stomach, but he tried to ignore it. When they got back to Connor’s house, Kevin’s mind began to race, afraid of Connor telling his parents what happened. But Connor didn’t mention anything and acted purely platonic towards him, maybe sensing Kevin’s anxiety. Since the pair actually planned for Kevin to sleep over that time, Kevin had all of his toiletries and clothing with him in a bag that time. When they were alone in Connor’s room, Connor slowly walked up to Kevin and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. Kevin draped his arms around Connor’s neck and kissed back, pushing back thoughts and anxieties of what this all meant, only focusing on how good it felt. Connor pulled back a bit so that their lips were barely touching.

“You know, I was really surprised when you kissed me tonight,” Connor started to murmur. Kevin pulled back a little and shook his head.

“Can we please not talk about it? Not tonight, okay?” Kevin asked pleadingly. Connor frowned, not liking where this was headed. “Let’s not think about this too much.” With that, Kevin brought Connor into a passionate kiss, gripping the boy desperately. Connor kissed back for a few seconds before breaking away, shaking his head.

“No. What do you mean, let’s not think about it? Kev, this is kind of a big deal. Why don’t you want to talk about it?” Connor asked with hurt in his eyes. Kevin sighed. This was not what he was hoping for. He still felt very conflicted about everything and he honestly felt like he would have a panic attack if he thought about it any more than he already was. But he could see where Connor was coming from.

“I…I... Connor. I’m sorry. This is all too much.” Connor also sighed, feeling kind of ripped off by his small slice of heaven. Although, he understood that Kevin was probably still coming to terms with the fact that he was gay and that it would be a long road ahead for him. But he was worth waiting for, so Connor would wait as long as Kevin deemed necessary.

“It’s okay, Kev. I don’t want to force you to rush into anything you’re not ready for,” he finally said. It was true. He didn’t want to be happy if it meant Kevin being unhappy and unsure of himself.

“Thank you.” There was an awkward silence between the two boys after that.

“I’ll, uh, I’ll take the couch,” Connor decided. Kevin shook his head.

“No, no. Sleep next to me. I promise nothing will happen that didn’t happen the last time we slept in your bed together. Please, Con?” Kevin asked with hope in his eyes. Kevin climbed into Connor’s bed, looking at him expectantly. Connor sighed. He knew it was a bad idea. He was already getting in too deep the way it was. But Connor couldn’t resist Kevin pleading with him. It also didn’t help that Connor secretly wanted to sleep next to the boy as well.

“Dammit, Kevin Price,” Connor whispered. Kevin smiled when Connor crawled into bed next to him. Kevin adjusted himself so that he was half laying on Connor. Connor closed his eyes, but chided Kevin. “No, we’re not cuddling,” not sounding very convincing. Kevin made an indignant sound.

“We did it before,” Kevin pointed out.

_Yeah, but now it actually means something_ , Connor thought, miserably.

“Come on, this is completely innocent. I cuddled with you on a couch, a plane, **and** your bed last time. Nothing happened then and it was innocent. Please? You-you make me feel safe,” Kevin kept arguing. Connor thought it over in his head. He couldn’t get in much deeper than he already was because of cuddling, right? Plus, Kevin was already cuddling him, and it felt really nice and secure to him as well. It wouldn’t hurt to just pretend like everything was alright. To pretend that nothing was awful. That they were happy together, instead of in this weird limbo that they found themselves in. Kevin smiled at his victory when he felt Connor put his arms around him. He forgot what he was upset about for the time being and focused on Connor’s chest moving up and down from each inhale and exhale. The absolute feeling of safety and security that he felt in his arms. They fell asleep together. If anyone were to see them, they would have been convinced that the two were happily in love. Unfortunately, reality was much more complicated.

\--o0o--

They woke up the next morning in each other’s arms. Since reality was not kind to him, Connor instantly remembered the events of the previous night and got up out of bed immediately, leaving the room, determined not to let Kevin see how much it bothered him. Kevin sat up too, also reflecting on what had happened the previous night. He felt a rush of anxiety and panic coarse through his veins. He was happy when he was with Connor… but he wasn’t gay. It was impossible for Kevin to be gay. Kevin Scott Price was a picture-perfect Mormon boy. He was a God-fearing boy who knew his scripture inside and out and was definitely attracted to females. So then why was he feeling the way he did? Maybe this was a test from Heavenly Father? Yes, that had to be the explanation. He was testing Kevin to see just how strong his faith was in Him. To make sure Kevin would not succumb to temptation. Yes, that was definitely it. And Kevin had definitely succumbed to temptation, not once, not twice, but three times in the form of kisses. Connor reentered the room, dressed in his clothes for the day. He looked at Kevin expectantly, hoping for the boy to open up conversation. Kevin looked away and refused to meet his eyes. Kevin left the room shortly after that to get changed. Connor’s parents were concerned with the way the boys were acting, since they barely interacted with each other for the entire rest of the morning, but didn’t say anything. After breakfast, Kevin and Connor awkwardly hugged goodbye and Kevin drove off. Connor watched him from the door, sighing as he turned away, just to be confronted by his mother.

“Connor, sweetheart, what happened between you and Kevin? You boys seemed fine last night, but this morning it was like pulling teeth to get you two to even acknowledge each other,” Mrs. McKinley asked her son with a small frown, worrying about him. Connor sighed.

“Kevin kissed me yesterday at the Zoo Lights. Things seemed like they were okay for a while, but then when I asked to talk about it, he straight up refused. But he wanted to kiss me again after that and cuddle with me last night. And now this morning he barely looked at me. He’s just so hot and cold about this. It makes me feel so confused and, honestly, kinda pissed off about it,” Connor said miserably. His mother pulled him into a hug, which reduced Connor to quiet sobs. She rubbed circles into his back, promising him that everything would be alright.

“Maybe Kevin is just confused about being gay. I know you said he had been struggling with that and his roommate had even told you about his talks to him about it,” she suggested kindly. Connor sighed and pulled away from her with tears still glistening in his eyes.

“I don’t know, I guess so? I just thought that him kissing me was a sign that he accepted it, you know? I didn’t do anything to initiate it. I was just looking at the lights and all of a sudden, he kissed me. Everything just felt so freaking perfect in that moment. It was like something out of a movie. My soulmate kissing me in the snow, surrounded by beautiful Christmas lights. And apparently it meant nothing to him…” Connor trailed off, heartbroken. “Mom? Is the soulmate mark ever wrong?” Connor asked carefully. She shook her head.

“No, sweetie. The mark has never been wrong. You and Kevin are meant to be together, even if it takes a little pain and time. I see how happy you make each other. Heavenly Father has chosen you two to love and be there for each other. Things will work out in the end. I promise,” She kissed Connor’s forehead. Connor sighed, but smiled at her.

“Thanks, Mom. I love you.”

“I love you too, Connor,” she smiled before getting a mischievous glint in her eyes. “Now, let’s watch a bunch of cheesy movies and eat ice cream to make you feel better.” Connor laughed for the first time in what felt like ages.

“You’re the best.”

\--o0o--

Kevin wasn’t doing much better. In fact, he had to pull over off the side of the road at some point during his trip home because he started crying and felt like he couldn’t breathe right.

_If Heavenly Father is testing me, why did it have to feel so right when I kissed Connor or even so much as touched him? Why did my relationship with Natalia feel like nothing and this feels like electricity flowing through my veins? Why do I have to feel gay? Why do I have to feel… anything? I wish I could just turn it all off…_

Once he pulled himself back together, Kevin drove the rest of the way home in somewhat of a daze. He put on a happy face for his family but retreated up to his room as soon as he was able to, not wanting to do anything but go back to sleep. So that’s what he did.

Connor had texted him a few days later, asking to talk, but Kevin ignored it. The best thing for the both of them was for Kevin to keep his distance. It was wrong of Kevin to lead Connor on. Kevin knew that Connor was openly gay and willing to engage in typical relationship things, despite what their religion taught them about homosexual behavior. In addition to that, Kevin needed to avoid falling into temptation, and with Connor around him, he was afraid of what he might do next. Kevin had already sinned once…okay, three times… or maybe more, if their cuddling was considered sinful, which he hoped not.

He could not sin again… no matter how much he wanted to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never been to Utah, meaning I've never been to Hogle Zoo or its Zoo Lights. I read stuff on the zoo's website, read a lot of articles and descriptions online and watched a bunch of family videos on YouTube of people going there, so sorry if I got any details wrong. It seems like a cute event!
> 
> Also, I love the name Rory (not only because of Rory O'Malley- I just think it's a really cute name), so my future husband better be okay with naming our future son that. :P
> 
> Let me know what you think! :)


	17. I Am Not Gay

It was less than a week until the boys had to go back to the Lehigh Valley for the start of their spring semester, and Connor still hadn’t heard anything from Kevin. He talked to Arnold, asking him if the boy was alright. Arnold said that he seemed to be okay from what he could tell. Connor decided not to go into why he thought Kevin was acting strange, figuring that was Kevin’s place to tell his best friend. While he was happy to know that Kevin was okay, he was frustrated because that meant that Kevin was just straight up ignoring him. Besides, they needed to buy their plane tickets back soon. Connor sent Kevin another text, even though he figured it was probably fruitless.

**-Hey, Kev. Just reminding you that we’re gonna have to buy our plane tickets soon.  Hope you’re doing well.**

Connor frowned down at his phone, slightly annoyed by the Kevin’s snubbing. He nearly fell over when his phone buzzed, displaying Kevin’s name and announcing a text from him.

**-I already bought my ticket.**

Connor’s stomach sank. He bought his ticket. Singular. He didn’t want to sit with Connor on the plane. He would rather sit by complete strangers than with the guy who was supposed to be his best friend. The guy he kissed and cuddled with just two weeks ago. The guy Kevin decided to drop out of the blue.

**-Oh. Okay. I’ll just order my ticket too then.**

Connor sent the text, feeling nauseated.

 _So this is how things are going to be from now on?_ Connor wondered in his head. He shook his head to himself. _No, not if I can help it. We’re going to talk about this like adults if it’s the last thing I do._

Unfortunately, that was much easier said than done.

\--o0o--

Connor and Kevin ended up being on different flights, so neither boy saw each other until classes started. In fact, it was even more awkward because before the kiss happened, the two best friends decided to take another two gen ed classes together. They took their Humanities II requirement and their physical education activity requirement together. Plus, on top of that, they had Schola and Chorale together as usual. So, it would figure that the semester they were on thin ice that they would have the most classes together. But Connor was determined to fix that. So, on the first day of their Humanities II class (they had decided to take Modern Political Thought), Connor came in just before class started and sat in the seat next to Kevin, so he wouldn’t have a chance to switch it. As luck would have it, their professor, Dr. Grazer, decided to make the students sitting next to each other project partners for the semester. Kevin was fuming and refused to talk to Connor more than he had to. Later that night at Schola and Chorale, Kevin avoided Connor like the plague. He even abandoned Chris in favor of talking to Dan, Kathryn, and Jessica because the other boy was talking to Connor. Chris had asked Connor what was wrong with Kevin, but the redhead brushed it off, saying it was probably nothing.

The next day, Connor was further amused by his luck, but Kevin certainly wasn’t. Coach O’Sullivan didn’t let the students choose their disc golf teams. No, he assigned them by last name. Since McKinley and Price were close to each other in the alphabet, they were in a group with three other students that they did not know very well. Even so, when Connor initiated conversation in between the courses, Kevin gave one worded answers and acted totally disinterested. Connor frowned at these interactions. This was going to be harder than he thought.

Three weeks later, Connor finally found an opportunity to corner Kevin to talk. It was nine at night and Connor was walking through Helton to go to the Computer Lab to print out a paper for one of his classes. However, as he walked down the hall, he saw that one of the classrooms had the lights on. Curious, he peaked in the window on the door to see Kevin facing the whiteboard, which was already filled with some sort of science notes. It seemed like Kevin was studying for something. Well, that would have to wait, because Connor needed to sort everything out with him while the boy was alone. He opened the door and walked in. Kevin spun around at the sound of the door opening and frowned when he saw his former best friend enter the room.

 “You can’t keep avoiding me, you know,” Connor said coolly. Kevin glared at him.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he feigned ignorance. Connor rolled his eyes.

"Oh, come on. You barely say three words to me anymore. I get that you’re uncomfortable talking about what happened, but we need to talk about it.”

“What’s there to talk about?” Kevin asked disinterestedly as he turned around to face the whiteboard once more.

“Wha—We kissed, for God’s sake! Face it, Kevin,” Connor paused for a moment. “You’re gay.” Kevin spun around with fire in his eyes.

“I. Am not. Gay. You’re delusional if you think I am.” Kevin was fuming. Connor faltered a bit but didn’t back down.      

“You can’t just turn off your feelings! It doesn’t work that way.”

“God, it’s like I’m talking to a wall! I’m not turning anything off! And I’m **not** having gay thoughts! I’m a Mormon, dang it! You should know better than anyone else here that Heavenly Father doesn’t make mistakes! Boys should be with girls. **That’s** Heavenly Father’s plan,” Kevin snarled. Connor was fed up with all of it.

“Do I need to remind you that **you** kissed **me**? What would compel you to do that if you weren’t gay, Kevin? And another thing: why the hell do you think you got your soulmate mark when **we** bumped into each other and not when you touched Natalia for the first time? Heavenly Father does have a plan, Kev. He wants us to be together. But you’re too damn stubborn to accept it. I know you feel the same way I do. I like you. And every time I think that maybe, **just maybe,** you’ve accepted that you’re gay and you like me too, you throw me for a loop. You’re so hot and cold about all of this and it’s really freaking frustrating,” Connor yelled at the boy in front of him. “I just… I wanna be with you, Kev…” he trailed off tearfully. Kevin was at a loss for words. He shook his head.

“I’m not supposed to be gay,” Kevin said brokenly.

“Look me in the eyes, Kevin. Look me in the eyes and tell me that you don’t want this too. That you don’t feel anything remotely romantic towards me. If you can do that, I’ll leave you alone,” Connor replied. Kevin looked down, refusing to meet his eyes. He couldn’t, but Kevin still remained silent. Connor ran a hand through his hair, gripping at the auburn locks in frustration.

“You know what? Maybe you’re right. Maybe the mark does make mistakes,” Connor said quietly. Kevin looked up at Connor, confused. He continued. “Maybe we aren’t meant to be together after all. I’m sick of being tossed around by you, Kevin. You forget that I have emotions and feelings and you can’t switch your attitudes around so quickly and expect me not to feel hurt from it. I’m done.”

“Connor, wait—“ Kevin pleaded.

“No, Kevin. I’m sick of the constant back and forth. Either you like me, or you don’t.”

“I do like you! But don’t you think this is hard for me to figure out?!” Kevin yelled. Connor stared at him, shocked. Kevin swallowed, but continued in a shaky voice.

 “All my life I’ve been taught that it’s wrong to act on homosexual urges. I was taught that I was supposed to marry a girl and raise a big Mormon family. But I don’t want any of that. Because I only really feel truly happy when I’m with you. You make me laugh and smile and you listen to me and care about me and, God, you make me feel things I’ve literally never felt in my life before. I adore how passionate you are about things, how witty you are, your relationship with your family, the way your eyes light up when you’re happy, the way you smell, how you call me out when I’m being a jerk or stupid or a hypocrite, how safe I feel when I’m with you and touching you, just… everything about you. But it’s hard for me to accept because it goes against literally everything the church teaches.

“But you looked so gosh darn handsome, and beautiful, and breathtaking at Zoo Lights. And I was reminded of everything I’m crazy about when it comes to you. I couldn’t stop myself from kissing you. And it was the most incredible thing I think I’ve ever done. Kissing you felt like all of the missing pieces of my life finally coming together. It felt like every cheesy cliché wrapped up into one motion in the most amazing way. But I was scared. My anxieties got in the way, so I shut you out and tried to turn off my feelings for you. But I couldn’t. I can’t stop feeling this way about you and I don’t want to. I-I don’t want to lose you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and kiss you, and cuddle with you, and hold your hand, and do all of the normal things people in relationships do. I know that now. I just- I just need to take things slow. But I do want to be with you,” Kevin ended his spiel with tears in his eyes.

Connor listened to every word with an unreadable expression on his face. He walked over to Kevin and embraced him. Kevin erupted into sobs into Connor’s shoulder. They sunk down to sit on the floor, still holding each other, in front of the whiteboard. Connor alternated rubbing Kevin’s back and soothingly running his fingers through the boy’s hair while whispering comforting words. After a few minutes, Kevin’s tears subsided, and the boys remained in their hug, quietly enjoying the other’s presence.

“How did you do it?” Kevin asked after a few minutes had passed.

“How did I do what?” Connor asked into his hair.

“How did you become so comfortable with…this…with being…” Kevin paused for a moment. “Gay,” he whispered, as though it were a dirty word. He sat up and looked into Connor’s eyes. Connor looked back into the watery brown eyes that he adored and wanted to look into every day of his life.

“It wasn’t easy. But I talked to my parents about it when I realized that I wasn’t attracted to girls the way I was to boys. And they were great. They love me and accept me for who I am and never actually believed in that part of the church’s teachings anyway. But even after they told me that it was okay, I still struggled a lot. I tried to turn it off, I tried to throw myself into scripture and my schoolwork. But nothing took away those feelings. After some time, I finally grew to accept myself. And then…then I met you and I knew for certain that it was okay. Because I got my soulmate mark. I think that was Heavenly Father confirming that I was allowed to feel this way. That I was allowed to be happy. So, it might take some time. But you’ll be okay eventually. And if you’re willing to try, then I’m willing to wait, Kev.” Connor grabbed Kevin’s hand and squeezed it.

“Why are you being so nice to me about this?”

“I just want you to be happy. It won’t be easy for either of us, but I’m willing to do whatever it takes. For you.”

“But what if you meet someone better? Maybe the mark is wrong, and you’ll get…I don’t know…a third one? That’s happened before, hasn’t it?” Kevin asked. Connor chuckled.

“I’m not going to meet someone better. That someone better is you. It always has been,” Connor promised. Kevin let out the breath he was holding.

“Okay. I’m going to try to…come to terms with this. Are you sure you’re okay with waiting?”            

“Take as much time as you need. I promise it’s okay,” Connor said sincerely.

It would still take some time, but Kevin at least admitted his feelings for him and wanted to make an effort. And that was enough for Connor.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, commenting, and/or leaving kudos! Let me know what you think! :)


	18. Are You Sure?

After their meeting in Helton, the two boys fell back into their usual banter and comfort around each other. Neither brought up the subject of the kiss or their feelings, but at least they were back to being best friends again. Connor decided that as long as Kevin was willing to try eventually, he was completely fine with waiting. As for Kevin, he knew that he wanted to kiss him again. He just wasn’t sure of the aftereffects. He was still haunted by the near panic attacks he had after their last kiss that had led him to shut Connor out. He knew that what he did had hurt the boy and he felt awful for that. He didn’t want to make Connor feel that way anymore.

 _Maybe I should talk to Mom about how I’m feeling. If it helped Connor maybe it will help me too,_ he thought.

Kevin walked into his dorm room to find it empty. He took that as a sign from Heavenly Father that it was time to call his mother. He took out his phone, hovering over the screen above the call option. Sucking in a deep breath, he selected it and closed his eyes, bringing his phone to his ear. After three rings, his mother picked up the phone.

“Kevin, sweetie! How are you?” his mother asked with a smile evident in her voice.

“Hi, Mom. Umm can I talk to you about something?” Kevin skipped the usual pleasantries. He just wanted to get it over with.

“Of course, baby. What’s wrong?”

“I hate that I’m doing this over the phone, and I know I’ll be home next weekend, but I really don’t think I can wait until then to tell you because it’s really important, and…” Kevin rambled until his mom stopped him.

“Kevin, whatever you have to tell me, it’s fine to do it over the phone. I love you, okay, honey? Take your time.” Kevin took a deep breath as he prepared himself to drop his bombshell.

“I never got my soulmate mark when I met Natalia.”

“I know, dear,” his mother stated, surprisingly calm. Kevin blinked in surprise.

“Wait, what? How did you know?”

“You weren’t as careful about drawing it when you were home over the summer.” Kevin facepalmed himself. “Your father and I never said anything because we figured you’d come to terms with it eventually. And you did. We heard that some kids date people who aren’t their soulmates because they’re lonely or they don’t believe in the mark. If it had gone on for much longer, we were going to sit you down and talk to you about it.”

“Yeah…well, I did eventually get my mark at the beginning of last semester...”

“Oh honey! That’s so exciting! Who is she?” Kevin cringed.

“See, that’s the thing…You know my friend, Connor?” She hummed in affirmation. “It’s not a she. It’s him. I got my soulmate mark for Connor,” he admitted. She paused.

“You’re attracted to boys?” she asked, confused.

“I…I guess so. I mean, Connor’s the only guy I, umm, you know. But I’m really confused about it. All I’ve ever been taught is that I’m supposed to marry a girl and have a big Mormon family. But the truth is, even when I was with Natalia, I never wanted that with her. When she told me that she got her mark for me, I lied because I thought there was just something wrong with me that mine didn’t appear. I never felt right in our relationship, but I thought maybe that would change after we got married. And then I literally bumped into Connor this year and I finally **did** get my mark. And I enjoyed spending time with him, and everything just felt so right with him. I started to notice that he was really handsome, and I found out that I love all of the little things that make him Connor. The way his eyes light up when he’s excited, how his hair looks more or less red in certain lighting, the small crease in his forehead that appears when he’s thinking something out, just everything… And I knew all of this as I was getting to know him. But it hit me all at once at Zoo Lights. And…I-I kissed him, Mom. And it felt right. It felt like everything wrong in the world disappeared. I think I really like him a lot. But I’m afraid. I don’t want to sin, but it doesn’t seem like a sin. How can something that feels so right be wrong? How can caring for another human being be bad? What do I do?” Kevin hiccupped, tears streaming down his face.

“Kevin, sweetheart… If you really feel that way, then I don’t think it’s a mistake. Heavenly Father gave you that mark for a reason and He doesn’t make mistakes. By the sounds of it, Connor is the one for you. I love you, no matter what. Always remember that. So, whether you’re attracted to girls, boys, or no one, I don’t care. You’ll always be my baby and I will never love you any less, especially for who you happen to love.” Kevin nearly started sobbing at his mother’s loving and accepting words. “Connor is a very sweet boy and I’m not sure there’s anyone more deserving of your love than him. Though I have to wonder: why did Natalia get her mark when you didn’t?” Kevin cleared his throat and then explained what had happened, following up with the question that had been weighing on his mind the most.

“Are you sure it’s okay for me to be with Connor? It’s not going against Heavenly Father’s plan?” Kevin asked hopefully. He heard his mother smile through the phone.

“Kevin, honey, if Heavenly Father gave you a mark for Connor, **that’s** His plan. He wants us to be happy. That’s why He makes it so easy for us. We just have to allow it to be easy for ourselves.”

“Thanks Mom.”

“Anytime, sweetheart. You know you can talk to me about anything.” They said their goodbyes and Kevin laid down in his bed, reflecting on his mother’s words. She was right. Kevin didn’t feel confident enough yet to act on his feelings for Connor, but he had hope that he was headed in the right direction. It was just a matter of unlearning the years of “gay is not okay.” But he would get there soon. Kevin was sure of it.

\--o0o--

A little over a week later, after being home for the weekend to celebrate Ari’s birthday, Kevin had to miss his flight back to Pennsylvania, due to a sudden snowstorm. Luckily for him, Mother Mary had cancelled classes for Monday, since the storm ran from Sunday night into Monday afternoon, isolating the professors and students into their respective homes. Kevin’s flight was changed to Monday night, when the weather was supposed to get better. He didn’t experience any snow in Utah but was updated by his friends (mostly Connor) on how awful it was. It was really only awful for Connor (who usually loved the snow) because he caught a cold the previous day and was still suffering through it.

- **All of our friends are out for the day because the storm stopped, but it’s still too cold to do anything. A bunch of them went sledding down that huge hill, actually. And Brett (thank God) is out with his girlfriend. You know, this is why I don’t like snow days. I don’t leave my room—I just sit around and eat crackers.**

Kevin tried. He really tried not to laugh at Connor’s text. But he failed. Nonetheless, he attempted to be sympathetic to him.

**-Aw, I’m sorry Con. I hope you feel better soon. Rest up (and eat something more substantial than crackers!!)**

About five seconds later, Kevin’s phone buzzed with a response.

**-Make me. ;P**

Kevin rolled his eyes. Connor was so unnecessarily stubborn and just downright goofy sometimes, but he supposed that was one of the things that drew him to the ginger. When he had gotten home that Friday night, he had a heart-to-heart with his mom in person. She assured him again that everything he was feeling is natural, and that as long as he’s happy, she didn’t care who he loved—and neither did Heavenly Father, for that matter. It was a tearful, but happy discussion and Kevin was immensely grateful for the mother he had. He knew that not everyone was so lucky. Mrs. Price assured Kevin that his father would feel the same way, but he told her he’d rather wait a little longer until he told the rest of his family—until he was absolutely sure, himself.

It was still going to be a long road, but Kevin had to admit things were definitely looking up.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, commenting, and/or leaving kudos! Let me know what you think! :)
> 
> Side note: I really wish that the last part of Connor's text to Kevin wasn't something I, myself, thought on a snow day once. But unfortunately, that's the kind of person I am. Lololol


	19. It Gets Easier, Right?

It was days before the holiday that caused every single or “it’s complicated” person in the world immense pain and grief, and Kevin had no idea what to do for said holiday. He and Connor had a heart-to-heart, sure, but they certainly weren’t together. But they also weren’t…not…involved. It was all very sketchy territory that Kevin was utterly unfamiliar with. He had only ever celebrated one Valentine’s Day with Natalia and they were actually dating for about half a year by that point. He never dealt with anything similar to the awkward situation he and Connor were in before.

_Is it weird if I get him something? What if he gets insulted if I don’t do anything? I should ask him. No. I definitely shouldn’t ask him about this. That’s even worse._

Kevin’s head felt as though it were spinning. Suddenly, he had a brilliant idea that he was sure would work. He got started on his plan right away. He just needed to call in one more favor from Dan…

Valentine’s Day found Kevin Price perfectly content. Connor found Kevin in the cafeteria during lunch and joined him at his table.

“Hey, Kev, Happy Valentine’s Day!” Connor chirped happily. 

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Connor!” Kevin smiled. Connor looked down at the table and smiled.

“I just wanted to say thank you for the bag of cookies in my mailbox. That was very sweet of you.” Kevin feigned confusion.

“Cookies? I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he lied.

“Oh, come on. I know your handwriting, dumbass,” Connor chided playfully. “If you really wanted to be anonymous, you should have typed my name for the mailroom. Not handwrite it.”

“Then the personal touch is gone,” Kevin grinned. “Anyway, I’m glad you enjoyed your cookies from your secret admirer.” Connor rolled his eye, smiling, nonetheless.

“I hate you,” he teased. “But I did, thank you. I actually have something for you too.”

“But I didn’t get you anything,” Kevin kept up the charade.

“Oh, shut up,” Connor laughed. He bent over to reach into his backpack. He pulled out a black woven bracelet with a metal Mickey head on it and gave it to Kevin. Kevin smiled softly.

“To go with your tie,” Connor joked. Kevin laughed, but his face quickly became more serious. He looked Connor in the eyes.

“Thank you, Connor. This is really thoughtful, and I love it. …I’m sorry I’m taking so long with all of this…” Kevin grimaced. 

“Hey, I told you. You take all the time you need, okay?” Connor said gently. He hesitated a second before placing his hand over Kevin’s hand on the table, squeezing it. “I’ll still be here if or when you decide you’re okay with this. With us.” Kevin sighed and nodded, cursing himself for having such conflicting emotions about something that should have been so easy.

“Thank you,” he said to the ginger.

“Anything for you,” Connor said sincerely. He glanced at his watch. “Well, I need to head out and get to class, but I’ll see you later. Luh—bye.” With that, Connor ran off as Kevin stared off at him, wide-eyed.

_Was he gonna say what I think he was gonna say? Shit, I need to figure this out…_

\--o0o--

Kevin’s thoughts about the whole ordeal did not become much cleared over the remainder of the week, nor the beginning of the following week. He knew he wanted to be with Connor. That he **was** sure of. He just didn’t feel comfortable with feeling that way. When he kissed Connor, while he felt amazing while they were doing it, his anxiety got the best of him afterwards. Kevin knew that Connor would want to do at least **some** of the physical stuff in a relationship (and Kevin certainly did too), so he had to make sure nothing would backfire on them if they did that kind of stuff again. The only problem was…how did Kevin ensure that he would be okay with it all? Despite talking to his mother about it, Kevin still worried about how Heavenly Father truly felt about it. He knew that his mother loved him and wanted to see him happy, and she would never intentionally lie to him. But how could she know for sure that Heavenly Father is okay with it? As far as Kevin knew, he’s the only gay person she knows. It was very frustrating for Kevin, and probably even more so for Connor. The last thing Kevin wanted to do was hurt Connor, which he realized he unfortunately did a lot over the course of the school year. He wanted to stop. He just wasn’t sure how.

\--o0o--

After choir rehearsal Tuesday night, Brian asked Kevin to stick behind. Kevin waved Connor and Chris off and sat in one of the pews until Brian and the choir managers were finished putting everything away. After the choir managers left, Brian sat down in the pew next to Kevin. 

_I wonder what this is all about. I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong…_

“So, Kevin, I was wondering how you’ve been doing.”

“Um, fine, I guess. Why do you ask?”

“You’ve seemed a bit out of it recently, like you’re off in your own little world. I just wanted to check in and make sure you’re okay. I care about you guys beyond choir, you know. Sure, I care a lot about your vocal health, but your physical health besides that and your mental health are much more important to me. I just want you to know that if you ever need to talk about anything, I’m here for you, okay?” Brian stated sincerely. Before he could stop himself, Kevin started to tear up.

“I’m sorry. I just…I actually am kind of going through something right now. I’m really confused about my own emotions because it seems like it goes against my religion. I talked to my mom about it and she’s been great, but I still wonder, you know?” Kevin sniffled. Brian looked at him thoughtfully.

“Kevin, if you don’t want me to, I won’t, but can I make a guess at what this is all about?” Brian asked gently. Kevin nodded. “Are you attracted to someone you didn’t think you were allowed to be attracted to because of your religion?” Kevin nodded again and put his head down. Brian sighed and leaned back against the pew.

“You know, I met my husband when I was in grad school,” Brian said nonchalantly. Kevin raised his head.

“Your…husband?” Brian smiled at him.

“We met in the most romantic place in the world…the piano and vocal practice rooms,” he chuckled. “We both took a break at the same time, saw each other, and started to talk. When he hit my shoulder when I made a joke…we both got our soulmate marks. We’ve been together for five years now. Just got married this past summer,” Brian smiled off into the distance, caught up in his memories. “My point is…it’s not unnatural. I come from a religion that frowns upon it too, but God wouldn’t give us these marks for the wrong person, now would He? Trust your emotions and your mark. You’ll be a lot happier if you do.”

“And are you? Happy, I mean,” Kevin asked. Brian’s smile grew even wider.

“I am very happy. We work really well together. He’s a bit of a weirdo and a dork, but I love him. He’s my best friend and there’s no one I’d rather spend the rest of my life with. I can’t explain how the mark actually happens other than a sign sent from God. But I’ll tell you this: it’s never wrong. Does that help at all?” Kevin wiped at his face.

“It actually does a lot. Thanks, Brian, it really means a lot to me that you actually care. You’re different from a lot of other professors here.” Brian ducked his head humbly.

“Well thank you, Kevin. If you need anything else, just pop into my office during office hours and we can chat.” With that, the pair stood up and walked out the doors of the Chapel. Brian started to make his way over to the parking lot.

“Hey, Brian?” Kevin called after him. Brian turned around. “It gets easier, right? Accepting how you feel?”

“It might take some time, but yes, it will get easier. Be honest with yourself about what you’re feeling. Eventually you’ll get to a point where you feel comfortable to act on those feelings. Don’t give up.” Kevin smiled at Brian and nodded, raising his hand in a goodbye gesture. Kevin marinated on Brian’s words as he walked back to his dorm.

_Maybe there’s hope for me yet._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The bracelet Connor gave Kevin: https://www.yourwdwstore.net/Disney-Bracelet--Mickey-Icon--Black-Weave_p_28346.html
> 
> Brian is inspired by a real life professor that I've had in college. He had helped me and a number of my peers countless times not only with academic issues, but also personal issues. So, shoutout to all of the Brians in the world. We need more people to be there for each other. :) 
> 
> Thanks for reading, commenting, and/or leaving kudos! I hope you are enjoying! Only a little over 7,000 words and three chapters left! :O 
> 
> Let me know what you think!


	20. An Hour and a Half For Grilled Cheese?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, commenting, and/or leaving kudos! Enjoy! :)

“You want us to go where?” Kevin asked incredulously. He, Arnold, Connor, and Chris were sitting together in the Metson student union lounge area when David bounded over to them with a proposition.

“Collingswood, New Jersey! It’s only like an hour and a half away from here. There’s this restaurant that sounds so amazing and we need to go there! Plus, apparently there’s a lot of cool, quirky shops that we can go to there and in the surrounding towns. We can make a day trip out of it!” David exclaimed. Everyone looked skeptical. “It can be a suitemate bonding experience!” he pressed.

“But I don’t live with you guys.” Connor deadpanned.

“Fine. A suitemate plus Connor bonding experience. Come on, guys! It’ll be so much fun! We hardly ever go out of the area. Where’s your sense of adventure?” he smiled hopefully.

“Ugh, fine. But you’re driving. It’s your idea and your car is bigger,” Kevin gave in.

“Deal!” David beamed. “So, does this weekend work for everyone?”

\--o0o--

Soon enough, Saturday came and David, Chris, Arnold, Kevin, and Connor all piled into David’s car to start their journey to New Jersey. Nabulungi had plans with her father all weekend, so she was unable to make it. James was also busy that day, to the slight disappointment of Chris. David claimed it was better off that the two could not make it, that it was good to have a day away from significant others. That, of course, made Connor and Kevin chuckle to themselves even though nothing was presently going on between the two of them, nor did they talk about their feelings. They were both aware of the other’s feelings but decided to take their time with it and only begin to date when the time was right for both parties, though it seemed that David was not aware of that. Either that, or he just didn’t care.

They all jammed out to music on the way to, each boy taking a turn picking what song to play. It was already turning out to be a fun day. David and Arnold manned the front of the car (Arnold had insisted on calling shotgun and overseeing the music, even though they took turns picking it), while Kevin, Connor, and Chris were squeezed into the back. It was a good thing that Connor was fairly slim, fitting nicely in the middle. Of course, neither Kevin nor Connor minded being in such a tight spot with each other, and Connor and Chris were close enough as best friends that it wasn’t weird for them either. However, Kevin would “accidentally” brush his hand against Connor’s hand on their thighs, and both boys would pretend not to notice it and hide their smiles. After about an hour and a half, give or take a few minutes, the boys reached Collingswood. Immediately, they were struck with how pretty the town was. But that wasn’t David’s main concern. Once they found a parking space and began walking around, they were startled by his outburst.

“There it is, guys! We’re here! Isn’t it just the most incredible thing you’ve ever seen in your life? It’s even better than I imagined!” David all but shouted. The boys directed their attention to where David was pointing. They were met with the sight of a white building with bright blue windows and a sign declaring it as “The Pop Shop.”

“Uh, yeah, David. It looks great…” Chris attempted. David glared at him.

“Oh, just you wait until we get inside and eat!” He ran in the direction of the restaurant, leaving the others to follow him. When they walked inside, they discovered that it looked a lot like an old-fashioned malt shop. It had a checkerboard floor with mint colored walls. There was a bar area where they saw a few people drinking extravagant milkshakes, as well as a multitude of (mostly occupied) metal tables and chairs across the floor with a few booths along one of the walls. It was all very retro looking and the boys took an immediate liking to it. A hostess behind the counter at the front of the place greeted them with a smile and asked how many seats they would need. She grabbed what appeared to be five newspapers and led them over to one of the few unoccupied tables in the joint. It was clearly a very popular restaurant, which further gave the boys excited hope for what was to come. As they sat down, they discovered that the menus were styled to look like newspapers, which Connor fawned over.

“Guys, we should get a picture together that looks like we’re reading the newspaper. Do you think our server would take one for us?” Connor asked.

“It wouldn’t hurt to ask,” Kevin replied with a soft smile, thinking that Connor’s obvious excitement was endearing.

“Ooo guys, look! They have fancy sodas!” Arnold exclaimed. After a few minutes of deliberating their drink orders their waiter came by and took them. Arnold decided on a Chocolate Cream Coke, Kevin got a Vanilla Coke, Connor chose a Cherry Cream Coke, Chris ordered a Lemon Coke, and David tried a Green River, which was described as “Sprite, Lime Syrup, and a Shot of Fizz.” Their waiter was gracious enough to take a picture of them with their menus. Once they were satisfied with the picture, the waiter left to give them time to figure out what they wanted to eat. The menu was huge. The signature items on the menu were the Grilled Cheeses, so every boy decided that they would order one of those. The question was…which one? There were thirty-three different types, which seemed near impossible, but clearly wasn’t. After agonizing over the choices for a while, the boys finally decided what to get. After ordering some fries to share between the table, Arnold ordered the Arlington, which was a chunk of mac n’ cheese, cheddar cheese, and crumbles of bacon on sour dough bread. Kevin asked for the Belmont, which had cheddar cheese, country chicken fingers, and honey mustard all on a Belgian waffle. Connor decided on the Linden, described as American cheese, chopped Angus Beef, caramelized onions and mushrooms on a grilled split Philadelphia soft pretzel. Chris was intrigued by the Dayton, which was a Monte Cristo-style grilled cheese. It consisted of grilled ham and American cheese on Brioche French toast that was sprinkled with powdered sugar. Finally, David chose the Richey, which true to its name, was made up of mozzarella sticks, mozzarella cheese, and marinara sauce on focaccia bread. They all anticipated something incredible when it came to their sandwiches. They engaged in some small talk, until Arnold decided to poll the table.

“Okay, everyone go around the table and say your favorite Star Wars movie. Best friend, start!” requested Arnold with glee.

“Hmm… The Empire Strikes Back,” Kevin replied, thoughtfully.

“Solid choice, solid choice. Connor?”

“Uhhh…I don’t know…I liked the one with the little bear things,” Connor shrugged his shoulders. Arnold’s face dropped, followed by his mouth, which resulted in a scream. Everyone jumped and a few of the customers closer to their table glanced their way. Luckily, the restaurant was very crowded and very loud the way it was.

“TH-THE LITTLE BEAR THINGS?! YOU MUST BE KIDDING. C-CONNOR WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! THE **EWOKS** WERE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE THE STAR WARS ORIGINAL TRILOGY EVER MADE,” Arnold screamed before falling into a sputtering mess.

“Wow, I think you actually broke Arn there, Con,” Kevin laughed. Connor looked mildly horrified at Arnold’s overreaction, but his attention was taken by the enormous plates of food that were being placed in front of them. Everyone’s mouths began to water as they stared at their grilled cheeses before they happily dug into the deliciousness that awaited them.

After they finished their (admittedly amazing) meal and paid the check, the boys made their way out of the restaurant and started to walk down the streets of Collingswood again, taking in their surroundings.

“Where to next?” Chris asked.

“How about we go in there? Nephite asked me to get her something while we’re here. Maybe there’ll be something cool in there!” Arnold said happily, not noticing everyone’s exasperation from his butchering of his girlfriend’s name.

“Sure, pal, that sounds great,” Kevin said kindly, having given up on correcting Arnold a long time ago. He looked up at the sign Arnold was pointing at.

_Arts Plus Gallery. Okay, it sounds interesting._

The five boys walked inside to find a large variety of gifts and homeware. They walked past snarky oven mits stating weirdly funny phrases like “droppin’ a new recipe on your ass,” salt and pepper shakers looking like a wide variety of things from music notes to alpacas, and scrabble tile magnets. Arnold ran around the store, looking for his gift for Nabulungi when he finally stumbled upon a handmade bracelet that had gems that reminded him of her eyes in it. Kevin lost sight of him as he ran into another corner of the store, looking at some other display. He strolled over to Connor, who was inspecting a hand painted sign with an inspirational quote on it.

“What do you think? Should I get another sign for my dorm?” Connor smiled at Kevin. Kevin suppressed a chuckle.

“I think you’re missing your calling as a motivational speaker with all the quotes up around your room. But it’s a nice sign and it definitely…yeah, it’s good. I think you should get it.”

_“Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.” I guess so…_

After Connor and Arnold made their purchases, the boys walked out of the shop to browse the board game store that was down the street, called ExtraordinaryED. Kevin picked up _Lost in Translation_ for a future game night with his friends, since he thought it looked like it’d be funny. It was family friendly too, so he could bring it home to play with Jack, Ariana, and his parents without having to worry. Arnold bought _Personally Incorrect_ as a fun alternative to their usual _Cards Against Humanity_ runs.

_God, I don’t think I could ever bring that home with me. My family would have a cow._

After playing with some of the games out on display to try out, the boys decided to make a drink stop at Groove Ground Coffeebar. Since Kevin was the only one out of the five of them who liked coffee, everyone else ordered iced tea, lemonade, or frozen hot chocolate. Kevin, however, ordered a Caramelized Latte Frozen Frappe. When the boys got their drinks, they walked back outside and kept walking until they found a few benches to sit on as they sipped. It turned out to be a really nice day, and the boys had to admit, they were very happy that David had convinced them to visit Collingswood. Even if it was originally just for grilled cheese (extravagant and delicious grilled cheese…but grilled cheese nonetheless). Connor sighed happily, sipping at his frozen hot chocolate.

“You know, sometimes I forget just how amazing life is. I mean, sometimes things can get me kind of down, but ‘Tomorrow is a Latter Day’ and all that! Heavenly Father really has a way of reminding us through the little things in life that He has a plan and He truly wants to see us happy,” Connor smiled up at the sky. Kevin snorted humorlessly.

“Seriously?” Everyone glanced over at Kevin, the smiles dripping off their faces like ice cream melting in the hot sun. Arnold gave Kevin a warning glance as Connor’s eyebrows scrunched together.

_If Heavenly Father wants us to be happy, why the hell do His followers want to condemn people for who they love. Why do they call us abominations and make us feel like shit? You, of all people, should understand that._

“What?” Connor asked, confused about the sudden change in tone.

“Hey Kev?” Arnold asked hesitantly, before the boy could say anything else he might regret.

“What?” Kevin spun around in his seat to face Arnold. Arnold said nothing, but stood up, placed something in Kevin’s hand, and crossed his arms. Kevin looked down at the thing in his hand to find a little box of cinnamon gum. It was ornately decorated with a little picture of a butterfly and script font stating “You’re kind of a dick.” The other three boys peered over Kevin’s shoulder and started to laugh hysterically, as Kevin stared at it with his mouth gaping. Kevin’s comment seemingly went forgotten, or, maybe his friends forced it out of their minds.

“Arnold, where did that come from?” Connor asked, nearly in tears from laughing.

“I bought it in that store where I got the bracelet for Nitroglycerine. Don’t worry, I got other phrases too. Kevin, buddy, you gotta check your attitude at the door because no one wants to answer that doorbell,” Arnold snapped his fingers in a Z-formation. Kevin put his head down.

“I guess I was being kind of…a dick. I’m sorry, Connor,” Kevin apologized.

“It’s okay, Kev,” Connor said with a sad smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes.

“It’s not okay. You were happy and I fucked that up. I was an asshole and you didn’t—you don’t—deserve that,” Kevin stared sadly down at his drink, regretting allowing his own problems take precedence over Connor’s feelings once again. Connor stood up from the bench and took Kevin’s hand, bringing him up as well. He enveloped the boy into a tight hug.

“Thank you, Kevin. I understand and I forgive you,” Connor assured him.

_I really don’t deserve that. Why is he so nice to me and forgiving all the time?_

“Yeah, it’s okay, buddy, we still love you. Right guys?” Arnold added. At everyone’s agreement, Arnold corralled everyone into a group hug. Kevin smiled.

_If my friends can love the part of me that’s an asshole sometimes, they can certainly love my…gay part. And if they can love that part, why couldn’t Heavenly Father love it…love me… too?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every place mentioned in this chapter is a real place in Collingswood, New Jersey! It's honestly the cutest town and has a ton of cool places to shop and eat, besides the ones mentioned in this story. 
> 
> I've been to The Pop Shop a bunch of times and it honestly never disappoints. This is a link to their menus (the one directly linked is the grilled cheese menu): http://www.thepopshopusa.com/menus/#grilled-cheese
> 
> Yes, even the gum is real. I bought a couple different packs (there were a lot of funny phrases) the last time I went to the store! Here's what it looks like: https://www.amazon.com/Blue-Gum-Youre-Kind-Dick/dp/B005LSYXKE?th=1
> 
> I hope you're enjoying- Let me know what you think! Only two more chapters! :O


	21. Choral Clarity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, commenting, and/or leaving kudos! :)

Kathryn collected the choir’s t shirt sizes at the beginning of the semester and in March, they finally came in. As the choir members walked into the Chapel to find their t shirts on their seats, Brian announced that the next rehearsal, the Thursday of that week, would be a mix of Choir T Shirt Day and High/Low Five Day.

“What’s High/Low Five Day?” asked Sam.

“Every time you walk past someone from choir, throw up five and make sure to follow through with a low five as well. In order for this to work, both choir members must be walking in opposite directions, past each other. However, being subtle and your timing are crucial. If you call too much attention to the preparation phase, the awesome factor in the random performance is really diminished. Make eye contact, maybe give a subtle smile or nod, then throw that hand up,” Brian explained.  “Kathryn and Jess, would you please act it out for us, so we can have a visual?”

Kathryn and Jess stood up from their seats and walked to a small space to the side of the Chapel that allowed them enough room to do it. They stood a few feet away, facing each other, smiled and nodded each other, and started walking. Kathryn lifted up her hand, which Jess met in a high five. The two immediately lowered their hands behind their backs to give a low five as they continued to walk away from each other. Everyone cheered as they walked back to their seats triumphantly.

“So yeah. Do that,” Brian laughed. “And don’t forget to wear your choir shirts either!”

\--o0o--

Thursday found Kevin in his purple choir t shirt and running into other purple shirt clad folks all day. Kevin was admittedly pretty proud of himself for successfully pulling off so many high/low fives—and in turn getting a few amused or confused looks from onlookers outside the group. His winning streak ended, however, with, of all people, Connor McKinley. Kevin spotted Connor in a fairly unpopulated area outside Helton Hall and the cafeteria building. Connor, luckily, was walking towards Kevin and caught his eye. The two smiled at each other, mentally preparing for their move. They raised their hands and met in a high five. However, Kevin made a crucial error with the low five. Instead of slapping Connor’s hand, he veered a little too far to the right and ended up slapping…Connor’s ass… Kevin froze for a few seconds.

“Oh my God,” Kevin blanched and spun around, horrified. Connor was already facing him, looking somewhat amused with a single eyebrow raised and small half-smile on his face. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, Kev,” Connor said, still smirking. Kevin exhaled before Connor took a step towards him. He held his breath as Connor leaned into his ear and lowered his voice into a whisper. “I liked it.” Kevin almost fell over. Connor pulled away and was making an honest to God effort not to allow his smile to break across his face, but was mostly failing. Especially since Kevin was making such a scandalized face of his own.

“Uhhhhhhh,” Kevin intelligently managed to utter. Connor couldn’t let it go on much longer.

“I’m kidding,” he assured Kevin, allowing a smile to pass through this time.

“Oh.” Kevin still looked shell-shocked, so Connor lowered his voice one more time and leaned close to his face again.

“Or am I?” Connor couldn’t resist just pushing a smidge farther, it was too much fun. Kevin blinked multiple times in a row, seemingly trying to get a cohesive thought.

“Uh, I-uh, I…don’t know. Um, I-I, yeah…” Kevin sputtered, before spinning around and running in the opposite direction, leaving Connor to chuckle to himself and make his way over the cafeteria like he had originally planned.

Kevin calmed himself down by the time he made it to his dorm.

_It’s just Connor. Sure, it was kind of embarrassing, and you definitely didn’t mean to do **that,** especially so soon, but he was joking about it. He’s not going to think you’re some sort of pervert or something. It was an accident. You know that. And he knows that…I think. _

In one more spout of anxiety, Kevin pulled his phone out of his pocket in an effort to reassure himself.

**-I’m really sorry about what happened. You know that was an accident,** **right? Like, I wasn’t trying to feel you up or get a cheap thrill or whatever,** **right?**

His phone buzzed almost immediately.

**-I don’t know if I’d call it a *cheap* thrill. Give me and my ass some credit.** **;P Lmaoo, but nah, I know it was an accident. Don’t worry about it, Kev. :)**

Kevin sighed with relief and chuckled at Connor’s comment. Truthfully, he didn’t get that much of an actual feel of Connor’s ass, but it certainly **looked** good.

**-No comment. ;P But that’s good. Thanks. :)**

**-It’s a damn good ass and you know it. ;)**

**-Mhmm. ;P**

All things considered, Kevin was fairly proud of himself for how he handled the situation and felt during it. It had occurred to him that aside from the embarrassment anyone would feel in the situation, he wasn’t concerned with how it would look to others or how “gay” of a move it was, rather focusing on how Connor took it. He counted it as a step forward with being okay with his feelings for Connor and being gay. Kevin sat at his desk with a smile on his face.

_Maybe I’ll be completely okay with it yet._

\--o0o--

After yet another week of classes and the endless work and stress that came along with them, Kevin, Connor, Arnold, and Chris decided to unwind with a movie night in Connor’s dorm room, since he had more space in his room and Brett was out for the night. Connor insisted that they watch the pro-shot of the 2016 revival of _Falsettos_ , because it was one of his all-time favorite musicals. Kevin had already seen the musical and wasn’t feeling it. He was pulling for _The Emperor’s New Groove_ , but Chris and Arnold were more interested in Connor’s choice. The way Kevin saw it, why would he want to watch a sad story after a shitty week when he could watch a funny one instead? But Connor’s choice won the popular vote, much to Kevin’s disappointment. After it ended and Connor collected himself after his tears, he bounced back and forth off of Arnold’s and Chris’ impressions of it.

“ _Falsettos_ is just a masterpiece. The symbolism, the character arcs, not to mention the heartbreaking story. I mean, it’s very cathartic. Whenever you need a good cry, just watch the shit hit the fan in Act II,” Connor gushed. Kevin huffed, humorlessly.

“If I need a good cry, I’ll just think of my life,” he replied sullenly.

“Jesus Christ, Kevin,” chided Connor, scrunching up his nose.

“Fucking drama queen,” muttered Chris, as Arnold not so subtly nodded his head in agreement. Kevin rolled his eyes.

“Look, I’m sorry if I’m just not that into the AIDS version of _The Fault in Our Stars_. It had some fun music, but overall, just not that into it. Besides, the dude who played Whizzer wasn’t even that hot for being a boytoy,” Kevin complained. Everyone stared at him in shock.

“Kev…you do realize you bear a striking resemblance to Andrew Rannells, right? Like, you two could be twins,” Connor asked cautiously.

“What? No way, I’m much better looking, thank you very much,” Kevin put his nose up in the air.

“Yep, there’s that narcissistic bitch we know and love,” said Chris sarcastically. “Kevin, you two literally look the same. Stop trying to make Connor say you’re better than him for your own big head.” Kevin had nothing snarky to say to that, rather sputtering in shock at Chris’ (admittedly true) words. “Yeah, that’s what I thought,” the blonde added, not without sass.

“Chris, what the hell?” Kevin managed to ask after his shock.

“What? I’m sick of watching the two of you tiptoe around each other. Everyone and their mother know that you and Connor are meant for each other, not to mention interested. I love you guys, but Jesus Christ…” Chris trailed off, not noticing Kevin swallowing hard and becoming very interested in the ground.

“Chris, can I talk to you for a minute? In private?” Connor grabbed Chris’ arm and led him into the hallway, closing the door behind them.

“What? Everything I said was true. Come on, it has to be exhausting for you guys too,” Chris furrowed his eyebrows. Connor sighed. He knew that Chris meant well and just wanted to see his friends happy, but it went a little too far.

“It is, but…Kevin’s really struggling with his feelings. He needs more time to learn how to not just…turn them off and actually accept himself. You remember how I told you about my own struggles accepting myself a few years ago? Kevin’s Mormon too. It’s been really hard on him,” Connor whispered in explanation. Chris’ face dropped.

“Shit… I didn’t know. I’m sorry. I thought you guys were just being oblivious.”

“If only it were that easy,” Connor laughed humorlessly. “He’s coming around, I think. I told him I would give him as much time as he needs. It’s hard, but I really care about him, and I only want to see him happy. So, no matter how long it takes…” Connor trailed off. Chris clapped his shoulder and pulled him into a hug.

 "You’re a good guy, Connor. I’m rooting for you guys.”

“Thanks, Chris. That means a lot.” The two entered back into the room and Chris walked over to Kevin.

“Hey, Kev, I’m sorry. What I said was way out of line,” Chris apologized. Kevin gave him a strained smile.

“It’s okay. But I’m gonna head out, if that’s okay with you guys. I have a lot of homework due on Monday and I wanna get a head start on it.” Kevin said goodbye to everyone and walked the short distance to his dorm, thoughts of what Chris said bouncing around in his head.

_Nothing Chris said was really wrong… But I still don’t know how to act about all of this… I mean, Brian is married to a guy and is apparently happy. Chris and James are happy together… but none of them are Mormons. What if the rules are different for me? But if they are, how is that fair? Why should I be denied the possibility of love and happiness just because of what the Church says? But what if I’m wrong…_

Kevin mulled over his thoughts well into entering his room, being distracted by them as he attempted to (unsuccessfully) complete his homework. There just seemed to be no clear answer.

\--o0o--

With a little over two months of rehearsals under their belts, the choirs were really starting to get their music down. Brian decided it was time to start exploring the meaning behind the songs, since everyone finally seemed to be getting majority of the notes right.

“Okay, what do you guys think _The Three Madrigals_ is about?” Brian asked. “Tyrone?”

“Well, I think that there’s this dude trying to get with a girl and then she cheats on him and she’s kinda like whatever,” Tyrone replied, shrugging his shoulders and getting a couple disgruntled mutters throughout the female sections. Brian gave him an encouraging smile.

“You’re on the right track. Does anyone else have any theories?” Brian scanned the group for any more raised hands but saw none. “No? That’s okay. Well, these three songs are based on Shakespearian text, if you haven’t noticed that in the footnotes yet. So, _Oh Mistress mine_ is kind of showing the thrills of when someone first falls in love. Even though there may be a risk and you don’t know what’s to come, you take it and generally enjoy it. _Take, oh take those lips away_ shows more of the darker side of love and those points when all isn’t so well, and you may lose the relationship all together. Then _Sigh no more, ladies_ is kind of telling you to forget it and convert your woe into ‘hey nonny, nonny!’ Haha! Sometimes in love, a person will not be fully in, hence the line ‘Men were deceivers ever. One foot in sea and one on shore, to one thing constant never.’ It’s saying that, in this case, the man acts as though he wants to commit but then changes his mind and is generally unfaithful to both his partner as well as his word. He is indecisive and must make a choice between the two options because he cannot continue to have his feet in different places. Does that make sense?” Brian asked. Kevin’s mouth hung open.

_Is that how I’ve been acting? I guess I’ve been really back and forth on the whole Connor thing…it’s probably really stressful and aggravating for him…especially considering what Chris said the other day…_

Kevin was brought out of his thoughts when everyone stood up, ready to continue on with the song. He thought back to his conversation with Brian just a few weeks prior. If Brian hadn’t already picked the songs for the semester well before their talk, he’d have thought it was a direct impact of that conversation. He stood up a second later, choosing to ignore Connor’s questioning look on his right. He sang the Shakespearian text, getting lost in the meaning behind the song, contemplating his own actions and feelings this past year.

_This has got to come to a stop. No more questioning myself. I’m going to do it._

He snuck a glance at Connor as they sang and felt his heart clench.

_Before it’s too late._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we've come full circle with what this story is called! This was the last chapter I wrote and I did not have a name for this story until I came up with that last plot line. So aside from the first two sections of this chapter, the title was the last thing I came up with, weirdly enough. Haha
> 
> I hope you're all enjoying the little world I created! Please let me know! :) 
> 
> Last chapter will be up tomorrow! :D


	22. Not This Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! :D Thanks for reading, commenting, and/or leaving kudos!
> 
>  
> 
> **WARNING: there is some homophobic language used in the first section of this chapter. No f slurs, but rude and hurtful language nonetheless. Just wanted to put that out there in case of any triggers.**
> 
>  
> 
> Enjoy!

_This is it. This is the day I tell Connor that I want to be with him._

Kevin sat at a two-seater table at the back of the cafeteria. Private. Secluded. No crowds of people being nosy. He glanced up and smiled at the boy walking toward him and swallowed the bile that was threatening to creep up his throat.

_Pull it together, Kevin. You need to tell him you’re ready for a relationship before he doesn’t want you anymore. Besides, you’re sorta ready. It’ll be fine._

“Hey Kev,” Connor greeted brightly as he took the seat across from him.

“Hey Con,” Kevin smiled nervously, wringing his hands underneath the table where Connor couldn’t see them.

“So, did you wanna grab some lunch?” Connor asked, already starting to get up.

“No!” Kevin grabbed at Connor’s hand. Connor stared at Kevin, wide-eyed. “I mean, yeah, we can in a minute, but there’s something I need to talk to you about first.” Connor scrunched his eyebrows together, but sat down again.

“Okay…what did you want to talk about?” Kevin took Connor’s other hand into his as well, closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

_It’s now or never._

“Con, I wanted to—”

“You know, no one wants to see that shit,” a voice interrupted Kevin. He opened his eyes and looked up to see a burly twenty-some year-old guy standing over their table with a repulsed look on his face.

“Excuse me?” Connor asked. The intruder gestured to their joined hands.

“That shit. Look, if you wanna be fairies, fucking fly out of the public’s view because, like I said, **no one** wants to see that shit,” he sneered at Connor and Kevin. Connor clenched his jaw as Kevin’s eyes began to well up. The ginger’s eyes hardened as he stood up from the table, dropping Kevin’s hands.

“Now you listen here—”

“No, **you** listen! You fucking homos just need to be the center of attention all the time. You’re disgusting and no one needs to see your gay shit.” He glanced over to Kevin and began to laugh cruelly.

“Aw, did I make the fairy cry?”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” A new voice entered the conversation. Sam, from choir, was the source, coming up behind the guy.

“Who the fuck are you?” the guy asked.

“I’m Sam. Who the fuck are you? What gives you the right to pick on them?” Sam said defiantly.

“They’re sprinkling their fairy dust all over the cafeteria. It’s disgusting—”

No, **you’re** disgusting. They are doing absolutely nothing wrong. You’re the one who’s being a fussy little fucker. You—”

“I’m being a little fucker? You’re the—”

“Don’t you dare fucking interrupt me, you piece of shit. You need to stop being such an ignorant human being who can’t accept anything besides what you already are familiar with. You can’t accept any new ideas into your life and you’re going to live your sad little life as a sad little man. It is not your place to decide what’s acceptable between two people or not. They’re not bothering you, so why do you feel the need to be an asshole and bother them? Love is love. So why don’t you make like a banana and split…bitch,” Sam finished by crossing her arms and glaring at him. The guy stared down at her, a barely five-foot Asian girl who looked like someone attempting to be intimidating but sort of failing, looking equal parts impressed and terrified. He raised his hands in surrender, muttered a half-assed apology, and walked away. Sam turned to Kevin and Connor.

“I’m really sorry you guys had to go through that. It’s such bullshit.”

“It’s okay, it’s not your fault,” Connor gave her a smile.

“That still doesn’t make it okay. There are people like him walking around and hurting others and it’s just not right. What’s the hierarchy of asses? Because if there is one, I’m pretty sure he’s at the top,” she rolled her eyes. The two boys laughed.

“Well, thank you for sticking up for us, it really means a lot,” Kevin said sincerely. Sam’s eyes softened.

“Of course, any time.” All of a sudden, Sam jumped about a foot in the air after a hand landed on her shoulder.

“Oh, shit, I’m so sorry Sam! I don’t know how to greet you without startling you!” Kathryn exclaimed, worried about her friend.

“It’s okay, I don’t really know either. I either jump or I just fall over…like a goat!” Sam said once she recovered from her scare. The four laughed at Sam’s joke that wasn’t **really** a joke.

“Well, me and Kathryn have to study for Music Theory together, but I’ll see you guys around. All best.”

“I’ll see you guys!” Kathryn chirped, having no idea what just went down. The two walked over to their table and got out their books. Connor turned back to Kevin.

“So, uh, before all that happened, there was something you wanted to talk to me about?” he questioned, hesitantly. Kevin gulped.

“Was there something? I’m not really sure now, my mind’s a blank. What could I possibly have wanted to talk about with you? I lost my train of thought. It’s a mystery, am I right?” Kevin word vomited.

“Kev, if you don’t want to talk about it, we don’t have to,” Connor said gently.

“Date me.” Kevin cringed the second the words left his mouth.

“…What?” Connor cocked his head to the side. Kevin fumbled through his words.

“I don’t want to lose you. Let’s go on a date. It’ll be great. I just rhymed. Maybe I should take up poetry. I’m a poet and I didn’t even know it. I’m…I’m going to stop talking now.” Kevin folded his hands over his nose and exhaled.

“Don’t want to lose—Kevin, what on earth are you talking about? What brought this on?”

“…Chris made me realize that I’ve been being a jerk to you, making you wait around like this. And then, like, four days later, Brian was talking about what the _Three Madrigals_ meant and I realized that I’m in the song!”

“You’re…in the song?” Connor asked carefully with a befuddled expression on his face.

“Yes! I’m the ‘one foot in sea and one on shore, to one thing constant never’ part. I’m the man who’s a deceiver! And it’s not fair to you for me to not make up my mind. Pretty soon you’re going to get sick of waiting around and you’re going to leave me forever and fall in love with some other dude who, sure, isn’t as attractive as me, but is much surer of himself and his emotions,” Kevin explained frantically. Connor’s facial expression looked like an odd twist between wanting to laugh and being exasperated.

“Sweetie…I really don’t know how many times I have to tell you that I’m okay with waiting. I don’t care what Chris or anyone else says. You, goofball, are worth the wait. I’m not going to find someone else, which by the way, your ego never ceases to amaze or amuse me. I will wait until you’re ready. So, my answer is no, I will not go on a date with you. Not yet. If you’re only asking me out because you’re afraid that I’ll leave you otherwise, then I don’t want to go on that date.” Connor stood up and cupped Kevin’s face in his hand, as anxiety spread across it. “When you’re ready, I’ll be here. I promise.” With that, Connor turned around and walked off to class, having missed lunch, but he was okay with it, deciding to just grab a snack on the way out. Kevin sighed as he stared at Connor’s empty seat.

_This is harder than I thought it would be._

   --o0o—

Kevin had spent a large amount of time reflecting over the course of the semester. He knew that he wanted to be with Connor. He knew that. He just didn’t know for sure if it was the morally right thing to do or not. Despite the fact that he had begun to have a bit strained of a relationship with Heavenly Father in recent months, he still cared about what He would think of Kevin pursuing a relationship with Connor.

_Heavenly Father, please, give me a sign. Anything. Just tell me what to do because I honestly don’t know anymore. Give me Your guidance. Please give me the grace to conduct myself in a manner most pleasing to You._

Kevin walked over to his wardrobe and reached for one of his textbooks that he kept on the top shelf. As he pulled it out, his Bible fell and landed on the ground, opening to a page. Kevin sighed.

_It’s been a while since I actually took time to read this…maybe I should take a few minutes to do that…_

Kevin picked up the Bible and looked at the page it fell open to. The first verse his eyes caught was from 1 Peter 4:8. _Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins._ Kevin felt tears prick at his eyes and he gasped as he shot his hand up to his mouth, nearly dropping the Bible in shock.

_Heavenly Father…is this actually a sign from You? It…is it okay? I’m allowed to love him? I can be…happy with him? I don’t have to hurt him? It’s not a sin?_

Kevin fell to his knees, crying. But this time, they weren’t tears of pain or sadness. They were tears of hope.

\--o0o--

The following day after class, Kevin plopped down on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He picked up his phone and opened the photos app. He frowned as he scrolled through the many pictures he’d taken over the course of the past year. Photos of the Lehigh Valley sunsets, choir, silly selfies of Arnold…Connor… Kevin sighed. Connor was the single thing in Kevin’s life that he could never get out of his head, no matter how hard he may try. He kept his gaze on the picture of him and Connor from their trip to New Jersey. A picture that Chris had taken of the two and sent to him. A picture of them by a statue of two old women on a bench. A picture where instead of pretending to interact with the “women,” Kevin was looking at Connor. A picture that was telling of his feelings for the boy. A picture where he felt like he looked truly in love. Truly happy. Not ashamed. Not hiding. Just pure, unadulterated bliss. Kevin furrowed his brows.

_That’s it. I know I can’t spend another day without Connor by my side. Heavenly Father **made** me this way. I shouldn’t deny myself or Connor of happiness and love just because of a few misunderstandings in the Church. I’m going to do it._

He tapped out of the app and went into iMessage instead.

**-What are you doing right now?**

Connor texted back within a few minutes.

**-Just studying for Political Thought. Why?**

Kevin smiled to himself. It was the perfect excuse to get Connor to come over.

**-Ugh. Can you please help me? I’m like dying here.**

**-Yeah, sure. Where do you wanna meet?**

**-My dorm okay? Arnold is out for the night with Naba.**

**-Sounds good. Be there in ten.**

Kevin felt excitement running through his veins. He really did have to study, so it would have to be productive… but he was thrilled. He was finally going to tell Connor he was ready. He looked around his room and realized it looked like a mess. He jumped out of bed and ran around his room, cleaning it as well as he could in the ten minutes he had. He had finished his cleaning spree when he heard a knock at the door. He paused in front of the mirror and ran a hand through his hair, making it look a bit more presentable. He then straightened his clothes and took a deep breath before opening his door. He felt his heart race as he took in Connor’s appearance in front of him. He was wearing a black polo shirt with dark wash skinny jeans and sneakers. His backpack was slung on one shoulder and he had a small smile on his face. Kevin felt a grin form on his face.

“Hey,” he said in a daze.

_Why is Connor allowed to be this handsome?_

“Hi, Kev. So where do you want to start with studying?” he asked, sweetly.

_Oh crap, that’s right—we’re going to study too. Focus, Kevin._

“Uh… all of it?” he laughed sheepishly. Connor rolled his eyes good-naturedly and walked through the doorway, setting his bag down by Kevin’s desk. He surveyed the room.

“Where are your books?”

_Uh oh._

“Ummm…”

“You didn’t even start studying, did you?” Connor accused. Kevin just grinned in response. Connor sighed as he took his books out of his backpack and sat down on Kevin’s bed.

“Do you want anything to eat or drink?” Connor agreed to have some popcorn. Once it was made, Kevin put it in a bowl and sat down next to Connor. Their thighs were touching, but neither moved. Connor began to lecture Kevin about the highlights of Machiavelli, but Kevin couldn’t pay attention. He was much too focused on the shapes the other boy’s lips were making. How pink and soft they looked. The way they had felt on his lips those few months ago…

“Kevin! Are you even paying attention?” Connor asked, a bit annoyed.

“I want to be with you,” Kevin blurted out. Connor blinked, taken aback. “I’m gay. I accept that now. I don’t know if I find all guys attractive, but I know that I’m crazy about you and I can’t even think straight half the time because you’re so handsome. I’m falling in love with you. I can’t stop falling in love with you and I don’t want to. You’re my soulmate and the absolute best person in my life and I want to be able to wake up next to you and kiss you good morning. I want all of the laughs, kisses, conversations, and memories. I also want the fights, tears, and pain. I want all of you. The good, the bad, and everything in between,” Kevin confessed. Connor smiled softly.

“Are you sure about this? Sure that you’re ready? I don’t mind waiting longer.” Kevin shook his head.

“I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.” With that, he pulled him into a chaste kiss. Connor kissed back immediately, putting his arms around Kevin’s neck. And for the first time, Kevin didn’t feel even a hint of anxiety. Instead, he felt a satisfying swoop in his stomach that exploded into a warm and happy feeling, making Kevin’s lips curl into a smile. When the two pulled away, Kevin rested his forehead against Connor’s, still smiling. Connor looked uneasily into Kevin’s eyes.

“You’re not going to run away again, are you?” asked Connor with a nervous chuckle.

“No, not this time. Not anymore,” Kevin promised. Connor let out the breath he didn’t realize he was even holding as Kevin pulled him into another kiss, deeper this time. Their bodies pressed together as though they could not possibly get close enough. Connor carded his fingers through Kevin’s hair as Kevin caressed his cheek and held his waist. Everything felt inexplicably right as the two acquainted themselves with each other’s mouths. Connor pulled away first, gazing into Kevin’s eyes, before dropping his eyes and taking Kevin’s arm, brushing his thumb over the soulmate mark that started all of this. He smiled and looked back up at Kevin. Kevin smiled back at him.

“I’m really glad that you’re my soulmate. There’s no one I’d rather be with. I know that now,” Kevin said earnestly. “Just out of curiosity though, where is your soulmate mark? Not that I don’t believe you, but I never noticed it on you before,” Kevin asked. Connor began to unbutton his polo shirt, laughing at Kevin’s eyes bugging out.

“It’s on my collarbone. I typically wear shirts that cover it. That’s why you haven’t seen it before. He pulled the neck of the unbuttoned polo over to the side, revealing his soulmate mark. Kevin hovered his hand over it reverently before gently running his fingers over it. Before Connor knew what was happening, Kevin swooped his head down and gave it a kiss. Connor sharply inhaled but smiled sweetly at Kevin when he lifted his head back up, grinning at him with all traces of the previous months’ anxieties gone.

“I love you,” Connor said softly before chuckling. “God, you don’t know how long I’ve wanted to say that.” Kevin brought his hand up to Connor’s cheek, caressing it.

“I love you too. I think I always have, deep down.” Connor’s smile grew wider.

“Me too.” Kevin put his arms around Connor, cuddling with him once again, only this time, both boys were completely content, and no one was in denial.

“Now, as much as I love cuddling with you, shouldn’t we get back to studying?” asked Connor. Kevin smiled, rolling his eyes.

“Mm, in a little bit. I wanna stay here with you a little while longer,” Kevin said, nuzzling his nose into Connor’s neck, hugging the boy tighter to him. Connor laughed and kissed Kevin’s forehead.

“Okay, a little longer. But only because I love you.” Kevin sighed happily in response.

Things were finally going to be alright. Kevin was sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really can't believe that after a little over a year of writing it, that this story is finally completely published. Thank you to two of my best friends who kindly read some excerpts as I was writing it and gave me feedback, my parents for supporting me and my crazy writing habits, my choir family for always having such a huge influence on me (whether they know it or not), and most of all, you, the reader for giving my story a chance and for sticking with it. 
> 
> Side note: I don’t think I’ve ever written so many “fuck”s in one chapter. I love Sam. XD But my slow beyond slow burn is finally over. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who read, left kudos, and/or left comments for me. It means the world to me that you enjoyed my story enough to read over 50,000 words of it. Even though this story is over, I still plan to write more fics! I might even write a sequel to this if I can iron out a decent storyline. Haha Feedback and comments are always appreciated! Truly, from the bottom of my heart: thank you. All best. :)


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